How I've grown in three years
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 6
How I've grown in three years
I haven't posted here or been on this site in about three years. I remembered the site when I got a happy birthday email in August.
I just reread the few posts I made back then. Wow! Things have sure changed!
Back then, my husband was gone almost all the time when he wasn't working. He had a group of friends that also used drugs (mostly crack). I cried all the time and hated living with him. He spent hundreds of dollars each month on dope. Things were a mess.
Fast forward three years...He still uses from time to time. Now I can tell when an episode is coming on so I'm not surprised when he does it. I finally learned to make him write me a check each Friday morning for bills and whatnot that I immediately cash when the bank opens.
I also finally realized that he's not hurting me when he goes out and does drugs, he's hurting himself. He feels like crap the next day or two and he's horribly depressed. He's also older now and is having health problems from the drugs and drinking and he doesn't like it. His drug use had drastically slowed down.
I guess what I'm getting at is I learned to cope with his addiction. If he is out at night doing it, I just think to myself, "oh well. He'll suffer for it and regret it. It's not my problem," and I go to bed.
I found a church that I love. I'm involved in various ministries there. I have a great relationship with my mom, dad and siblings and I have tons of other interests that keep me occupied. If he wants to continue to screw up his life and ruin his health, that's on him.
I used to feel lonely, but I learned to like myself and now I'm fine.
I just reread the few posts I made back then. Wow! Things have sure changed!
Back then, my husband was gone almost all the time when he wasn't working. He had a group of friends that also used drugs (mostly crack). I cried all the time and hated living with him. He spent hundreds of dollars each month on dope. Things were a mess.
Fast forward three years...He still uses from time to time. Now I can tell when an episode is coming on so I'm not surprised when he does it. I finally learned to make him write me a check each Friday morning for bills and whatnot that I immediately cash when the bank opens.
I also finally realized that he's not hurting me when he goes out and does drugs, he's hurting himself. He feels like crap the next day or two and he's horribly depressed. He's also older now and is having health problems from the drugs and drinking and he doesn't like it. His drug use had drastically slowed down.
I guess what I'm getting at is I learned to cope with his addiction. If he is out at night doing it, I just think to myself, "oh well. He'll suffer for it and regret it. It's not my problem," and I go to bed.
I found a church that I love. I'm involved in various ministries there. I have a great relationship with my mom, dad and siblings and I have tons of other interests that keep me occupied. If he wants to continue to screw up his life and ruin his health, that's on him.
I used to feel lonely, but I learned to like myself and now I'm fine.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 159
So let me get this straight - nothing he does affects you? Do you see what you are missing by hanging around? For what? What does he have to offer you??
Wow - Do you pity him or feel guilty??
I don't mean to be harsh and by the way - glad you're back
I am just thinking about how living like that felt and I just couldn't imagine doing it again. Do you say anything to him about his using? I suppose if it's working for you I should just keep my opinions to myself!! The codie in me still needs work!!
Wow - Do you pity him or feel guilty??
I don't mean to be harsh and by the way - glad you're back
I am just thinking about how living like that felt and I just couldn't imagine doing it again. Do you say anything to him about his using? I suppose if it's working for you I should just keep my opinions to myself!! The codie in me still needs work!!
Last edited by onlyliveonce; 09-03-2009 at 04:44 PM. Reason: addition
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Hi Adria. Glad you've moved forward with your life and found happiness within no matter what your husband is doing. Sounds like you've found peace and detachment.
We each have different paths in life and if that is working for you, and you're happy,
that is all that matters. I wish you all the best!
We each have different paths in life and if that is working for you, and you're happy,
that is all that matters. I wish you all the best!
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 168
Originally Posted by rayofsunshine 
Hi Adria. Glad you've moved forward with your life and found happiness within no matter what your husband is doing. Sounds like you've found peace and detachment.
We each have different paths in life and if that is working for you, and you're happy,
that is all that matters. I wish you all the best!
We each have different paths in life and if that is working for you, and you're happy,
that is all that matters. I wish you all the best!
HUGS,
Daisy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 14
Another voice of agreement with ray. Each person must find his/her way through the maze. There is no "one size fits all" solution. My mom stayed with her alcoholic/addict husband for the 63 years they were married and is standing right here in front of me a very wise age 91. When asked, she states with serenity "I would do it all again". No doubt that she had the courage. 
No doubt that she had the courage.
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