dignityback

My sons father has been in touch telling me he is being sent back home to the UK from jail abroad where he has been serving time for manslaughter. He will come back here to face what he went on the the run abroad for, 4 armed robberies.
He skipped the country when I was 6 mnths pregnant and fresh out of rehab.
He is/was a heroin addict.
Obviously my son has never had any contact with his father. My son is now 5.
My ex wants to see his son, wants me to take him to jail to see him.
My son has started to ask me where his 'dad' is as he is now at school and hears about the other kids dads. It breaks my heart my son has no father in his life.
I quit heroin when I was pregnant and I am now 9 mnths off the booze with help of AA and God in my life.
I have been praying over this but it hasnt helped my fear of what to do for the best for my son. Or what to tell my son.
I have always tried to tell myself I will cross that bridge when I come to it. It feels like that bridge is on the horizon now.
I dont no what to do or say for the best for my son. The last thing I want to do is mess with my sons head and heart.
Thanks for listening.

dignityback

I tried to post this in the Alcoholism forum but it seems to have popped up here for some reason. I dont suppose it matters?

tjp613

Could you possibly talk this through with a counselor or psychologist? A minister or priest? Seems to me like that would be best. It's a very personal decision and an understandably difficult one.

(Hugs)

dignityback

Thanks, this has crossed my mind. I need to get on the waiting list to see a counsellor asap I think.

Ann

I believe your thread was moved here because it was more appropriate and you will get far more support and response from this forum.

My heart hurts for you, how hard it must be to live with a child who asks questions to which the answers will break his heart.

I agree with the poster above, perhaps counseling may help you tell him the truth in a kind and gentle way.

Keeping you both in my prayers.

Hugs

greeteachday

One thing that has helped me as I've worked through recovery is knowing that I do not have to decide right away...There is a saying that sometimes doing nothing is taking action. I know this is a very difficult situation, but please don't let your son's father's pressure force you into action. Take your time and make a choice that you believe is right for you and your son. Right now that choice may be to wait and see what happens - That doesn't close the door to changing your mind down the road.

I think the suggestions about talking it out with clergy or a counselor or a sponsor are great ones and if you are on a waiting list for a counsleor, perhaps that is the universe's way of telling you that the decision can wait for now.

Doing what you believe both in your head and heart to be best for your child and for you, is never "wrong." Hugs