I'm gonna crack up!!!!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Winnie, Thanks so much for sharing what you are going thru right now. I am not a mom so I don't have personal experience with this specific topic but wanted to share my observations.
My brother was a full-blown practicing addict for about 15 years (from his young twenties through his older thirties). He and I shared a house and had the same friends, so I got to see all of his behavior most all the time. He did a lot of acting out as "they" do, especially when they are younger. But, what really struck me over those years watching and interacting with him was that all he had to do is see or talk to one of my parents and his acting out became SOOOOO much worse!
I don't have the words to describe the change I saw in him except to say that his acting out became so very severe when Mom and Dad were around. He would even change his behavior in the middle of an "episode" when one of them showed up, acting in ways that he KNEW would upset them a lot. For instance, we kids and my Dad NEVER EVER cussed in front of my Mom. EVER. But as soon as Mom would show up, the cuss words would just come flying out of his mouth. Horrible words that I'm not even sure Mom ever even heard before.
I find it similar to my observations of my then-toddler niece who I watched during the day while her mom was at work. My niece and I would have a truly joyous and wonderful day all day and then the moment her mother walked in the door, my niece would start crying hysterically and become demanding of her mother. It was like looking at two different toddlers.
My point in telling about these observations is, I agree with you in your decision to have no contact with your son, at least until he gets stabilized in the appropriate environment. Interaction with family probably is not helping him to start taking responsibility for whatever is going on inside of himself.
I hope this information and my opinion helps you in some small way.
My brother was a full-blown practicing addict for about 15 years (from his young twenties through his older thirties). He and I shared a house and had the same friends, so I got to see all of his behavior most all the time. He did a lot of acting out as "they" do, especially when they are younger. But, what really struck me over those years watching and interacting with him was that all he had to do is see or talk to one of my parents and his acting out became SOOOOO much worse!
I don't have the words to describe the change I saw in him except to say that his acting out became so very severe when Mom and Dad were around. He would even change his behavior in the middle of an "episode" when one of them showed up, acting in ways that he KNEW would upset them a lot. For instance, we kids and my Dad NEVER EVER cussed in front of my Mom. EVER. But as soon as Mom would show up, the cuss words would just come flying out of his mouth. Horrible words that I'm not even sure Mom ever even heard before.
I find it similar to my observations of my then-toddler niece who I watched during the day while her mom was at work. My niece and I would have a truly joyous and wonderful day all day and then the moment her mother walked in the door, my niece would start crying hysterically and become demanding of her mother. It was like looking at two different toddlers.
My point in telling about these observations is, I agree with you in your decision to have no contact with your son, at least until he gets stabilized in the appropriate environment. Interaction with family probably is not helping him to start taking responsibility for whatever is going on inside of himself.
I hope this information and my opinion helps you in some small way.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Winnie, The NO contact for a while sounds like an excellent plan. Taking time for YOU, is an excellent plan.
Now, about that kitty.....hmmmm....good thing he/she doesn't live in my house.....my 3 bunnies would definitely object. I know (first hand) that kitty's like to bring us presents, however, my kitty, Smokey, knows d@#$ right well that the bunnies are OFF limits.
Hugs,
Chris
Now, about that kitty.....hmmmm....good thing he/she doesn't live in my house.....my 3 bunnies would definitely object. I know (first hand) that kitty's like to bring us presents, however, my kitty, Smokey, knows d@#$ right well that the bunnies are OFF limits.
Hugs,
Chris
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
OT but fyi i now have a "no contact rule" in place with Kitty. I cleaned my house like a maniac last night - that dang cat must have drug that bunny all over the kitchen before i saw it - my poor daughter was crying her eyes out because she kept finding bunny fur everywhere. Thank goodness he didnt try to eat it - just de-fur the poor thing. She kept yelling at the cat saying "you're supposed to kill snakes and rats not bunnies." But the evidence is gone and the cat is getting the cold shoulder. Cat usually sleeps with her at night - last night she said he could sleep in her room but on the floor not in her bed. lol
the good thing is my house looks great and for some reason that always makes me feel better - like i have control of something. I'm coming up with another list of projects for the weekend - things i've been saying i was going to do forever and havent done. feels good taking care of things just for us
the good thing is my house looks great and for some reason that always makes me feel better - like i have control of something. I'm coming up with another list of projects for the weekend - things i've been saying i was going to do forever and havent done. feels good taking care of things just for us
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 121
Hi Winnie,
That kitty -- shoes, bunny, etc. - reminds me of that movie - Marlie and Me.
We love our animals regardless of their behavior... and we love our kids -- in spite of their behavior. I agree with L2L -- he (Son) knows he can act out with you - because he knows you love him and he is safe to express his anger and frustration.
You cannot control the government decisions or the PO acting like a psychiatrist - but you can do things that make you feel centered. Which you are doing.
There is a positive in all of this and that is that your Son is - clean, sober and healthy..
Best Wishes..
That kitty -- shoes, bunny, etc. - reminds me of that movie - Marlie and Me.
We love our animals regardless of their behavior... and we love our kids -- in spite of their behavior. I agree with L2L -- he (Son) knows he can act out with you - because he knows you love him and he is safe to express his anger and frustration.
You cannot control the government decisions or the PO acting like a psychiatrist - but you can do things that make you feel centered. Which you are doing.
There is a positive in all of this and that is that your Son is - clean, sober and healthy..
Best Wishes..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
You know what's funny Peacetrain - my AS adores the Cat - I think they are kindred spirits. lol
Last night the jail nurse called me yet again to bring more meds up. Now i know this is my son's way of keeping me pulled in because he knows that i take his medical health seriously. Well i've been called everyweek to bring something up for the last month - they could tell me what he needs all at once but instead he waits to tell them he needs something weekly. I have found in the past that he would lie about it just to get me running around for him. So I said no. You should have plenty of supplies. When i went up with his meds this week i gave them all his insurance and medicaid information and told them they were going to have to start working this out themselves. They have custody and control not me so I think its their responsibility - they dont have to pay a dime - they just have to get it instead of having me driving an hour round trip doing it. They have a pharmacy there - they can do it. Just one more boundary ive got to enforce so he stops using his diabetes as a way to pull me in.
if it werent for his medical condition i wouldnt answer anymore calls from jail but if he has a serious problem then i have to be at hospital.
Last night the jail nurse called me yet again to bring more meds up. Now i know this is my son's way of keeping me pulled in because he knows that i take his medical health seriously. Well i've been called everyweek to bring something up for the last month - they could tell me what he needs all at once but instead he waits to tell them he needs something weekly. I have found in the past that he would lie about it just to get me running around for him. So I said no. You should have plenty of supplies. When i went up with his meds this week i gave them all his insurance and medicaid information and told them they were going to have to start working this out themselves. They have custody and control not me so I think its their responsibility - they dont have to pay a dime - they just have to get it instead of having me driving an hour round trip doing it. They have a pharmacy there - they can do it. Just one more boundary ive got to enforce so he stops using his diabetes as a way to pull me in.
if it werent for his medical condition i wouldnt answer anymore calls from jail but if he has a serious problem then i have to be at hospital.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Originally Posted by winnie12 
So I said no. You should have plenty of supplies. When i went up with his meds this week i gave them all his insurance and medicaid information and told them they were going to have to start working this out themselves. They have custody and control not me so I think its their responsibility - they dont have to pay a dime - they just have to get it instead of having me driving an hour round trip doing it. They have a pharmacy there - they can do it. Just one more boundary ive got to enforce so he stops using his diabetes as a way to pull me in.
Winnie, I know that your whole house is now spic&span clean......and your boundaries are solid!!!
I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
Chris
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Winnie))))
I am so glad you are letting them take care of getting his diabetes supplies as I know this has been the one way he's always been able to reel you in...way to go!!!!!
You have made some major progress!!
Sorry about the kitty and the poor bunny. The sad part is, they think they've really brought you something special (yuk!!!). Hope your daughter has forgiven him
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I am so glad you are letting them take care of getting his diabetes supplies as I know this has been the one way he's always been able to reel you in...way to go!!!!!
You have made some major progress!!
Sorry about the kitty and the poor bunny. The sad part is, they think they've really brought you something special (yuk!!!). Hope your daughter has forgiven him
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
They called me three times yesterday to get him some insulin needles. I was just up there monday dropping off insulin and no one told me he needed needles - they cant just call every four or five days asking for something. Before i would have been having a fit that my son didnt have needles but i just didnt. i dont know why and i dont know if what i'm doing is right but it seems to me that legally if they have custody of him dont they have the responsibiility to take care of his medical needs? The nurse had also told me that they get some meds into their own pharmacy so why cant they get these? it makes no sense to me - just one more way that someone wants me to do it instead of them. I'm expecting them to continue to call today because they dont want to do it.
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