outtolunch

The Police stopped bye yesterday. AD's employer filed a Missing Person's Report on her. She missed three consecutive days of work.

I told them AD no longer lives here. Within minutes, I was at her employer's office for the scoop. This is a local small family-owned business. She did not report for work and her cell has been turned off. They are worried about the company she keeps and what they percieve to be an eating disorder, given the tremendeous amount of weight she has lost. They asked if she had a problem with drugs and I told them "not to my knowledge" and wanted to know why they thought that a possibility. They said it was the company she keeps and her super human energy level, She can't sit still and works like a dog...until she did not show for work.

So from there I hit another local shop who employs a guy that reportedly allows her to sometimes sleep on his sofa. We chat. I ask him if she doing drugs, again. He responds with yes, no, well maybe.....something is not right. He tells me she is a wonderful girl with serious problems and he worries about her. She often has no place to crash.

So from there, I hit his place and there she is on his balcony. She looks to be under 100 pounds and at a-0 size but looks reasonably OK, all things considered. She sees me and goes ballistic that I am stalking her. It's her life, blah, blah, blah.

And she is right. She cannot comprehend that people are concerned about her well being because she does not care about herself.

And so I retreated. I amazed myself how quickly I reverted back into the find and fix her mode. I know better.

sojourner

i too find it amazing how quickly that can happen for me. but a difference with you is that you found out what you needed to know (that she was alive and well for now). It's way more stressful to be in limbo, and taking care of our mental health can mean chasing down a situation to where we get the answers to the things that are worrying us...

So good for you for chasing this down to settle your own mind and then, once you had the answers you needed, getting very quickly out of it....

Chino

That was the most important part IMO. That you gave into a powerful instinct and acted on it is no surprise. That you retreated was a wise choice learned the hard way.

You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.

Serenity Bound

OTL, I, too, find it amazing out quickly we can revert back to find it & fix it mode. Good for you, for finding out the info you needed to settle your mind, then quickly letting it go.

Hugs,
Chris

laurie6781

NOPE that was not 'find and fix mode.' That was 'MOM MODE'. Mom mode, after police come to door saying a 'missing person' report was filed on daughter. Hmmmmmm that would set any mother off, whether child was an A or not.

The problem I had and still have sometimes is, when is it MOM and when is it Mrs Fix It?

I do believe this was MOM.

Good job on backing off once you knew she was alive.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

JMFburns

OTL,

Sounds like you quickly found out info you could without coming completely unglued and retreated when it was necessary. Sounds like you did a good job. You and your daughter are in my thoughts.

BBD

OTL~~Sounds to me that you did the exact thing most of us would have done...Found answers to the questions you needed answered and high=tailed it out of there. I'm sure it was heart-breaking but we have now learned that our kids have to do this thing alone. We love them and will be there only for recovery. Good luck and prayers headed your daughters way. Big hugs, Bonnie

BigSis

Damn... I hate when that happens!!! You did just fine, I think.... echoing the same feelings as Laurie. If someone told me my kid had been reported as "missing", I would have also been concerned. My kid's drug of choice is meth, so the weight loss and sudden disappearance (only in her case, it would have been with someone's credit card, I think)....but those things would make me believe she was on a run, and I know (from experience) I can't stop a meth run once she's started.

I pray HP can give your girl what she needs to get sober.... knowing that sometimes looks like "trouble", but is often a form of salvation. Wishing you well. ((hugs))

greeteachday

Couldn't agree more with all that has been said here. I am glad that you found her and were able to retreat. Keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.

Ann

I see a clear difference, OTL, your recovery was in place and once you knew what you needed to know, you retreated. You didn't "react", you acted after some thought. Huge difference.

People sometimes ask me why I don't seek out my missing son. This is why, because I know what I'll find and I can't do a dang thing about it except give his care to God. If/when he gets clean, he knows how to find us.

Prayers going out for your daughter. Recovery or not, I know it hurts seeing first hand the harm drugs do. May this be a bottom she needs to surrender.

Mom to Mom Hugs

Seren

You and your daughter are in my prayers! Extra hugs for you (((OTL))).

HG

marle

When my daughter was out there, I always wanted to know that she was alive. That is the natural thing for us HUMANS who love another. Hugs and prayers that she stays safe. Marle

Abundance

I agree with everyone....... you were in "MOM MODE" for sure...... but it feels like old patterns / a relapse because all of the horrid feelings that popped up....... but you ACTED and did not re-act. You saw that she was safe..... and you left. You didn't start the bargaining or the pleading or trying to cure her... etc etc.

I say....... WELL DONE!!!!

outtolunch

This " dead or alive" thing is a slippery slope. If the former, there is not much I can do about it. If it's the latter, it's by the grace of God and not much I can do about it.

When I first came here, I was putting myself in harms way, physically positioning myself between her and dealers and dragging her out of hell holes, absolutely consumed with the intent of saving/fixing her.

The big difference this time, is that I heard her and understood. It is her life/ her choices.

And I choose to not be a part of the chaos.

Thank you , everyone.