barblsn

Been coasting along with my own recovery (RAH back home Nov 08) but I really didn't see how far I've come until Friday, when my cousin called me at work. She was crying. I have a new job where I work in a cubicle. You can hear EVERYTHING around you, especially other people's phone calls. I tell her I can't talk at work, she starts to cry and tells me I have to help her, she has nowhere else to turn... I don't let her go on, aware that my co-workers ears have probably perked up. I quickly (and this was a MAJOR feat, this is a woman who has to tell her story about what happened to her that day beginning with what time she got up!)get her to tell me that she can't pay her bills anymore. I tell her I'll call her when I get home and hang up.

So, she can't pay her bills. Her brother can't help her; her children can't help her (why should they? their your bills incurred from GAMBLING). Does she think I can help her???? I don't even go there. I explain that she has a couple of options; negotiate with her creditors; go to Consumer Credit Counseling for debt consolidation (did that when an illness knocked me out financially...it's funded by the United Way and a great organization) or declare bankrupcy, which I did after I booted AH out of the house.

Yes but..........

What she wants is a fairy godmother.

Oy. But the old me would have stayed on the phone with her for HOURS. The old me would have gone over to her house and held her hand and went through her bills one by one with her, helping her to feel better. The old me would have called a lawyer for her, made the appt, TAKEN HER THERE, sat with her...la la la la

I do feel bad for her, but I am pleased that I did not get overinvolved in something that is none of my business.

helpus

Yeah..I'm so proud. Beautiful job.

marle

Good job. I know how hard it is not to get sucked into other people's problems. You and everyone else in her life are doing her a big favor by giving the responsibility for her problems back to her. Hugs, Marle

suki44883

You did great, barb! Congrats!

BBD

Doesn't it feel good to be able to stop taking control for everyone else in your life and center on yourself?? You did great so be proud of yourself. I let people know I'm there for them but not with things they can handle alone. Smiles, Bonnie

greeteachday

The beauty of working recovery to me is how it impacts every aspect of your life. Thanks for sharing how the tools helped you avoid being sucked into something that isn't yours to control. Great job!

breakingfree88

That is SO Awesome. You weren't emotionally "raped" by someone at work when you didn't have the time or ability to do anything for her. You advised her on realistic options that adults can choose, and then got off the phone with her. WAY TO GO! Keep up the great work.

Chino

Good for you!!!

That was me, too. As a result of my growth I have lost a few friends. I'm not saying that will happen to you, just giving a heads up.

barblsn

Ain't that the truth!

barblsn

Yeah, that happened when I started taking care of myself and being more assertive, and you know what? I don't miss those people at all. The people who really care about me were happy to see me grow a back bone!