lovemykids

My ad has been in rehab for about 2 1/2 months now. I received a phone call from her and her case worker this past Thursday evening to make arrangements to pick her up for 7 days. My ad has been verbally abusive to a girl in the program.

I panicked and asked the case worker if she really had to come home as she hasn't quite been in rehab for even 3 months but he said yes. I could invision at that time laying awake through the night worried that she would take off, dh,her sister and I being verbally abused, having the feeling of being held hostage in our own home and walking on egg shells just like before. I actually had started to hyperventilate just thinking about it. 7 Days seemed like forever to me and I was terrified as well of the chance for her to of course relapse. She was supposed to come home for Easter but had that taken away from her for taking off from rehab. A girl tried to hang herself in my ads room and my ad took off twice that day, once to get another girl to come back who had ran away and the second time she said the heck with it and my ad decided to leave but returned about 10 minutes later. I was excited about her coming home for Easter but my feelings had since changed.She had lied to me about one of the two times she had taken off, she said it was to find a phone to call me as they didn't want the kids to call home at that time to talk about the girl who tried to commit suicide when it was the time she had said the heck with it and just left.

The time we have had together so far however has actually been quite the opposite and very positive although I barely sleep at night and I get up checking in on her to make sure that she is indeed in her room sleeping. She is with dh and I 24/7.

She says she is so happy to be home, how much she misses us but knows that she has to go back this upcoming Thursday to complete her program. She also told me that it is likely that she will stay there past her 6 month program which at that time will be her choice as after 6 months the addict has a choice to stay on for a few additional months if there is room.

For some reason when she said that she took speed in a pill form I thought it was like cocaine but it was actually crystal meth which she had taken.

Last night she had two "positive" friends come over, they were standing in the drive way while I was on the deck watching them. Four teenaged boys came by on their bikes, I know a couple of them from this area and they are bad news. My ad immediately turned around and walked over towards me and kept her back to them. I asked her later what she was feeling at the time and she said that she didn't want them on our property so she removed herself from where they were. I told her case worker about this and even he was very proud of her.

She is doing her last year of schooling in rehab and has a 75% combined over all average which her courses consist of economics, history, math, science, english, french, art and gym. She will be graduating in June . We received her report card in the mail last week.

I didn't expect to see this side of her, dh and I have been seeing a bit of her personality like it was before the drugs entered our lives.

We still have four days left together before she goes back and I am hoping that it stays like this before she leaves.I am not letting my guard down though.

She didn't have to bring any of the girls from rehab with her because this is supposed to be a punishment.

Please say a prayer for us,

Thanks .

cessy68

Praying for you and your family. As I've stated before, I don't have an addict child, and can not imagine your pain. (although my abf is like a 4th child) -- a little humor.

I hope your daughter continues to do well, I will say an extra prayer for both of you this evening.

I'm glad you have the strength to keep your gaurd up.
Love her and cherish her while she is in your care. I know we can't 'love addiction' out of them, but we can still love them.

Take care,
Cess

MyJoey

Aww it sounds like she is really doing great. My son is in rehab, he is 17 and will be graduating this year also, the rehab is making all the arrangements with his school for him to graduate with his class. The PO will be in the back ground during the ceremony, but I am so glad he will be at his graduation. He will start coming home in about 8 weeks, so I can feel the fear of him running off or using. In the back of my mind I am always thinking how is he ever going to make it he's not even 21 yet, but we have to have hope along with lots of prayers. The worrying just never seems to end does it? We worry when they use, we worry when their in rehab and we worry when their home. When I read on here of the detaching, I just don't get it. I have not gotten to that point I guess. I just don't know how to do it. Sending lots of prayers and hugs. Julie

winnie12

wow i wish wen i did something wrong i could be punished by being sent home to spend a week in a comfie bed with good food and friends around. doesnt sound like this rehab is very creative about punishment. it seems like loss of priviledge and many chores would have been better consequence then this. try not to spoil her while she is home.

lovemykids

Thanks for the prayers,kind words,and keeping me on track.

I called work this morning to let them know that I couldn't come in to work until at least Thursday afternoon as I can't leave our ad out of my sight and dh is working 12 hour shifts those days.

We are working the program, although we have watched two movies, twilight and sisters of the traveling pants, the second movie. Ad has been on the computer twice to remove negative friends from her facebook and to delete photo's of negative friends and pictures she had taken from when she was high. Her dad and I watched her do this.

She wanted to go to Tim Hortons with a friend for coffee but we wouldn't let her go. She was dissapointed but did not argue, she just said ok. She has left the yard twice but she has been supervised with us.

I'm keeping the meals the same time as in rehab, bedtime is at 10pm and she has her chores to do around the house for the same time as they had in rehab. She has been also working on her reflection package.

I know that it is a lot easier then being in rehab but she didn't have a choice to stay there for this week. I asked them what my options where prior to bringing her home, like if she tried to run away, became hard to handle etc and they told me to call them immediately, then call the police and have her put into lock-up. I have my bases covered, I hope that I didn't forget anything to ask etc..

I am also trying to watch out for any odd behavior, I hope that I don't miss anything.

This is really hard as I keep waiting for the bomb to hit.

If anyone can think of anything to watch out for etc please let me know.

Thanks.

outtolunch

Have you considered that you might be giving your dauther's hopeful recovery the potential to control your life?

Is it possible that you believe that what you do or not is going to determine or influence whether or not, she makes good choices and stays sober, going forward?

I say this as someone who has and sometimes still struggles with this.

caileesnana

prayers for you and your daughter. Enjoy the good times!
susan

winnie12

Who is the rehab punishing - her or you? One thing i've learned is never let my addict child jeopardize my livelihood or my relationship with others. I still wish they would have kept her there - this isnt an adult rehab where they have to leave an fend for themselves for a week.

What i think you should watch out for is yourself. Be careful that you dont slide into the emotional manipulation and make her the center of the universe - dont you have some chores around the house you've been needing to get done or something productive that she can help with? if she thinks its all easy she may just "get in trouble again" in an effort to have another vacation at home. i wouldnt allow any friends at all to visit no matter who they were and i'd have her at NA meetings. It doesnt mean you can enjoy being with her for a few days just thatshe doesnt slide into old habits or take advantage of you.

lovemykids

Wow, your words are so powerful! I did not think about any of the above questions prior.

My answers are: I had not considered but yes and yes.

I have also been thinking a lot and even more so now about what is going to happen when she is finished her program.

Someone here wrote on another thread about how they almost loved their child into the grave (something like that anyhow, I have been trying to find that post) I used that line with my daughter yesterday. I told her how I felt that I made a lot of mistakes and almost/could have loved her right into the grave or in other words being a codie, I said so if it doesn't seem like as much fun at home now it was because she needs to help herself get better, work on and plan for the why's, her future and that to remember she is still working the program even though she is at home right now.

lovemykids

Thanks winnie, when her case worker called me this past Thursday I asked him if she could stay there but he said no. He also told me that he thought that she would be ok at home but when I asked what my options were in case she tried to run away or if she started being abusive he told me to call them first then the police for lock-up.

I never even thought about taking time off from work until this morning, it just hit me when I woke up this morning. I remember the feeling of dread thinking that I can't leave her alone in the house so yeah, I never thought of it that way but I am being punished too....I just didn't know what else to do.

She invited more friends over today(late this afternoon) and told me after the fact, she was speaking french to them on the phone and I didn't quite pick that part up. I was very upset, I should have said no,for her to call them and tell them to get off that bus and take the next one back to their homes, I don't know why I didn't, it was like I was reliving the past with the feeling of dread in which I had. I stayed with them though and they were quite nice and not users from what I could tell and I did ask them but then again, you can't always read a book by it's cover so I can't really say if they are or not which is scary not to mention a "duh" moment on my part, I mean would they really tell me if they were using anyways? When they left I told ad "No more!" you need to ask prior to someone coming over and you are here on reflection, not a holiday!" I made it quite clear that noone is to come over anymore. She apologized, said that she thought I wouldn't mind etc...I think that she was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear.

For chores she did her own laundry yesterday but I washed the clothes she wore yesterday when I did my laundry today and she helped me fold my clothes. She has helped with dishes, keeping her room tidy, cooked the eggs to go with our Sunday brunch yesterday, has been working on her reflection package and helped me do my gardening today.

Tomorrow she is spending the afternoon with the man in charge of the drug and alcohol meetings for kids in our area, meeting up with the social worker she use to have and spending 1 1/2 hours on her reflection package then off to a meeting tomorrow evening all the while being supervised the whole time.

Ad will be heading back to rehab Thursday around noon.

All in all it hasn't been too bad, we have talked a lot about the good, the bad, and the ugly. Today however with her friends coming here was not ok, you are right about having friends over, I thought that it would be ok if they were positive friends but it isn't. I didn't do my part as a parent of a minor, I am not blaming myself for her addiction (after learning of the three c's from here ) I am blaming myself for not stepping up to the plate regarding her friends.

winnie12

Those sound like good productive things for her to be doing and you have called her on the manipulation now and set a good boundary so dont beat yourself up about the friends. she knew what she was doing and its the ole "better to ask for forgiveness then permission" manipulation. but you sound like you have the control back now so just move forward and forget the past.