jerect

Jwsablich... I think your GF's counslor has it all backwards.. it's unhealthy for you to be with her and YOU need to concentrate on YOUR recovery and being with her will not help YOUR recovery at all..

I urge you to get help for yourself.. find an alanon or naranon meeting and start attending..

Your situation is not unfamilar to us.. unfortunatly all of us have been in your shoes in one way or the other.. It appears from your posts that your GF was not ready to get clean, not ready to take responsiblity for herself and not ready to live life on life's terms and why should she.. she had you taking care of her every need..

Let these next 8 weeks be the start of YOUR recovery... Go to meetings, get yourself a sponsor and read the book Codependent No More... and of course please keep posting here..

Most importantly keep taking care of you and your children..

jwsablich

I have been reading lots of posts here and am going through the 12 stem Alanon program.

I do have to admit that step 1 (I am powerless over her addiction or her....) is a tough one but also makes sense, I cannot control her actions nor can I "force" her recovery.
Indeed this is a road she must travel on her own, which am relating to my experience to Basic Training where we all tried to help each other graduate but at the end it was our will to finish that truly determined if we finished or not.

Her son will be going to her sister's out of state (I am helping her with the power of attorney and finding a plane ticket for him, not paying for it just helping find the best deal etc...)

And thus life goes on, and I know I must recover from being addicted to the addict, and how my life was beginning to get out of control, I have to find myself again and be the man I was/is/will be.

As far as my relationship with her, well its on hold, she gave me back the engagement ring which I put in my safe, and we agreed that we can talk and start going out again ONLY once she finishes this program successfully AND she has a full time job for at least a month. This will prove to me that she is once again trying to get her life back.
I have made NO promise that we will reconcile or that she will move back in.
For my sake, sanity, piece of mind and that of my kids, she has to prove beyond any questioning that she is in the right track.

he may or may not succeed in this endeavor, but either way I am not holding my breath and waiting for her to achieve something she may or may never complete.

so it begins, the first page of the rest of my life (sane!)

jerect

That was the toughest step for me as well

I still have to go back and revisit step one on an almost daily basis..

kj3880

Good for you. Stick to your guns on these new boundaries you've drawn up. They are more than reasonable. If you consider letting her slide back in right after treatment, do yourself a favor and come back on here and tell us about it first. We'll all help keep you honest!
KJ