dslalonde

Hey everyone,
sorry i haven't been on in a while. Just an update on what is going on with my 19 year addict. As some of you know, we have been battleling him for quite a while. Anyway, 2 weeks ago he damaged my car, then didn't call until Sunday evening, job started monday morning. No intention of working.
You guys gave me the strength to pull the plug and lay it on him. And i did. Either tx or the door. Sadly he chose the door. That was last Thursday. Haven't heard from him since. He wrote a sarcastic note to me and my husband not knowing why damaging the car was such a big deal. Like that is all he has done. 4 months of him sitting around the house, staying loaded, no intention of working. Must be nice to wake up @ 1:oopm and start your day and do absolutely nothing. He wasn't high when he hit a curb and busted 2 tires and rims, but hey, no one was hurt. Mom and dad will fix it.
My heart is broken, I wake up crying every day. what is worse?? me watching it or not knowing what is happening. This I am not sure. I know you guys say i am doing the right thing, but it just doesn't feel right to me. I have lost him.
"no kisses today" was what my beautiful son used to wake up saying everyday. His eyes would open and say "its a pretty day today". He was so serious about the kisses, and we would laugh and kiss him more. I wrote a letter to him and reminded him of this. and poured my heart out to him. I know it doesn't help, he doesn't listen and nothing matters to him anymore. He wrote that the 2 people he admired the most, let him down. It breaks my heart. If only he knew how helpless we feel.
Please give me the strength to deal with what is going to happen. I so fear him dying alone without anyone there to hold him.
Susan

dorton

I have no words of wisdom, I wish I did. But wanted you to know I said a prayer for your family.

Seren

It never feels right, but it is necessary for your son to grow up, become responsible, and turn his life around--if indeed HE decides that is what he wants to do. My fiance's addict son has been out of the house now for 1 1/2 months, and no one in the family has seen or heard from him in over 2 weeks. We don't know where he is, what he is doing, if he is alive or dead....but we pray every morning that his HP will watch over him and guide him as needed to turn his life around. There are parents on their forum whose adult children have been missing for years (Ann comes to mind).

It is never, never, ever easy and it does hurt like H*LL, but it IS the best things for your son.

You, your son, and your whole family are in my prayers :praying

HG

Serenity Bound

Susan, I know how terrifying it is to watch our kids go down this path of addiction. We CAN'T control it. And IMO that is what doesn't feel right. We as parents have been made to feel like we should be able to fix,control, and handle our kids.

Once we step out of the way (tough love style) we then give God the power to take over. We then give our addicts the power of choice for their lives. They really do need to face the conseqences of their choices, otherwise, why should they change, as you said the car damage wasn't a big deal cause Mom & Dad would fix it. I'm speaking from experience, and trust me I know that I enabled my daughter to use far longer than necessary.

I don't know if you have tried f2f meetings, these would be very beneficial to you.

Sending you lots of hugs from one mom to another.

Praying for your family & your son.
Chris

Jody Hepler

I have been where you are with a 17 year old AS - and I know the pain and heart break. My son had a few years clean and sober and picked up again. The choice was detox and daily AA/NA meetings, or he would have to leave our home. And he chose leaving.

I would never had made it without f2f Alanon meetings. What I learned was that I was either part of the problem (as the primo enabler) or part of the solution (a chance at recovery). That I could have a good life whether or not he ever found recovery. And I'm glad that I did.

That was in the late 80s - there were years that I didn't hear from him - I only saw him once since 1992. He finally hit a bottom and went back to AA/NA. Today he has 18 months.

And I have 25 years in Alanon.

Keep posting and reading - there are women here that have wonderful recovery - and stories - and experience - to share with you.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

suchAsucker

Your son's HP is with him every step of the way:

Footsteps In The Sand - Author Unknown
===============================

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand:
one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him
he looked back, at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you,
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

:praying

just for today

Honey don't let him lay that guilt trip at your feet...these are his choices and the only person that let him down was himself......the pain is almost unbearable to let our children go, when they have chosen this path of addiction....I know as I am the Mom of a addict, so I feel each tear as I have walked that very path......

You haven't lost him, you are giving him a chance to find himself.....:ghug3

dslalonde

Thank you all, I do not know what i would do without you. I have to call my parents tonight and tell them what is going on. It will be so hard for them. They all saw him for the holidays and could not believe his physical appearance. He looks so emanciated. From 220 lbs to maybe 140. It was so sad to see our families reaction. My father suffered a stroke about 5 years ago, and does not handle things well. I have not spoken to them in weeks. I know they know, but I just couldn't handle telling them. I still don't know how i will. I have just kind of shut down, I don't know if this has happened to you also, but there is a dark cloud which follows me about this. And i still can't help but think i could have done more, or should have. You guys may say he is an adult, but in reality, he is still a young man, certainly not equipped to handle this.
thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
susan

winnie12

I feel for you susan - this is just not easy no matter which way you go. just know you're not alone.