rough day
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rough day
ABF is having a rough day--or rough week. He just called me at work. He sounds pretty hopeless. At first, he was accusing me of something or another. He was all upset claiming that he’s finding collection notices for me “all over the house.” In truth, I have one collection notice, and it is a problem with the bank that I am trying to work out. He’s had a sinus infection for a couple of months, and he is really down. He says that he can’t work, and he’s just lying around the house getting nothing done. He doesn’t know how he can go on like this. I gave him the number and info about the psych emergency services, but he claims that he isn’t that bad off.
I suggested that he call his regular doctor. He says that they can’t do anything for him. I suggested that he call his psychiatrist. He says that she won’t call him back. Then, he claims that he called her twice this morning. I suggested that he talk to his friends. He doesn’t think it’ll help, even though it always does.
He did reduce his Suboxone the beginning of last week. I think he is also decreasing his Effexor. I’m really frustrated because I’m at work and, of course, I have issues here to deal with.
Ever since stopping the oxycodone last December, he has been up and down. When he’s up, he feels like everything is better, and things are great, and they’ll be great from now on. When he’s down, he is in really bad shape.
He’s talking about going to a walk in clinic for the sinus infection. I just hope that he doesn’t go there to get pain meds. I didn’t say that directly to him. I can’t exactly stop him if that’s what he’s set on doing.
Does anybody have any suggestions for how I should handle this? If he’s not going to call his friends, and if he can’t (or won’t) reach his psychiatrist, then I’m not sure what I can do.
I suggested that he call his regular doctor. He says that they can’t do anything for him. I suggested that he call his psychiatrist. He says that she won’t call him back. Then, he claims that he called her twice this morning. I suggested that he talk to his friends. He doesn’t think it’ll help, even though it always does.
He did reduce his Suboxone the beginning of last week. I think he is also decreasing his Effexor. I’m really frustrated because I’m at work and, of course, I have issues here to deal with.
Ever since stopping the oxycodone last December, he has been up and down. When he’s up, he feels like everything is better, and things are great, and they’ll be great from now on. When he’s down, he is in really bad shape.
He’s talking about going to a walk in clinic for the sinus infection. I just hope that he doesn’t go there to get pain meds. I didn’t say that directly to him. I can’t exactly stop him if that’s what he’s set on doing.
Does anybody have any suggestions for how I should handle this? If he’s not going to call his friends, and if he can’t (or won’t) reach his psychiatrist, then I’m not sure what I can do.
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He's working on a recovery program with his psychiatrist. He's been pretty good about keeping a daily journal and checklist, daily readings, meditations, yoga, exercise, talking to friends, etc.
I've been reading books on codependence, and posting on here. I had an appt with a pyschiatrist last Friday, but I didn't like him. I have an appt with a different psychiatrist next month. I also called a place that has psychotherapy, but they haven't returned my call. I should call them again today. I placed the call on Friday.
I've been reading books on codependence, and posting on here. I had an appt with a pyschiatrist last Friday, but I didn't like him. I have an appt with a different psychiatrist next month. I also called a place that has psychotherapy, but they haven't returned my call. I should call them again today. I placed the call on Friday.
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Anvil, You're right. This is his business. I gave him suggestions, but he preferred to whine and complain rather than do something about it. I'm just not used to him freaking out like this and also acting so helpless.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
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typically i find this behavior is because my AS either wants sympathy or wants me to fix things for him. So, I've been working on not giving my opinion on things he could do and just started saying things like "that's too bad you feel that way" - I dont have sympathy anymore and he wont take any of my suggestions so why waste my precious energy trying to think for him.
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This is only the second time that he has called me at work--and this is the second time that he called me in a panic--upset because I did something that I didn't even do. Usually, he doesn't call me at all and I may call him around lunchtime.
I need to practice saying, "What do you think you should do." That's what I have to do with my mom who is always trying to get me to fix her problems. I think I was just so shocked to get this phone call out of no where.
I need to practice saying, "What do you think you should do." That's what I have to do with my mom who is always trying to get me to fix her problems. I think I was just so shocked to get this phone call out of no where.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
Probably the only healthy thing I ever said to my xabf in the midst of his admission about yet *another* relapse was "So what's *your* plan? How are *you* going to fix this?"
He HATED when I asked him that. Funny how the longer I stayed with him, the more I said it, and the more he hated it. Our A's think we owe it to them to make everything better, to fix every problem they create, and to show them the answer to life's difficulties. It's one thing to brain-storm with someone, but it's a total different thing to let someone else pile *their* problem on *your* back and then watch you struggle under it until you collapse.
I'm getting better at realizing (and practicing) that I am perectly willing to carry my own burdens - I don't want anyone else to do it for me. In fact, I find that I keep my burdens much "lighter" when I know I will be the only one carrying them. But I don't find it acceptable to load up my bag of burdens with the biggest, heaviest ones I can find and then toss it off on someone else. And neither will I be the one catching someone else's bag.
I may not pack light for a trip, but I love i that I'm learning to pack light for life!!
He HATED when I asked him that. Funny how the longer I stayed with him, the more I said it, and the more he hated it. Our A's think we owe it to them to make everything better, to fix every problem they create, and to show them the answer to life's difficulties. It's one thing to brain-storm with someone, but it's a total different thing to let someone else pile *their* problem on *your* back and then watch you struggle under it until you collapse.
I'm getting better at realizing (and practicing) that I am perectly willing to carry my own burdens - I don't want anyone else to do it for me. In fact, I find that I keep my burdens much "lighter" when I know I will be the only one carrying them. But I don't find it acceptable to load up my bag of burdens with the biggest, heaviest ones I can find and then toss it off on someone else. And neither will I be the one catching someone else's bag.
I may not pack light for a trip, but I love i that I'm learning to pack light for life!!
Standing by his side
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: baltimore md.
Posts: 32
OMG!!!!! you have my life... except the BF working part mine don't. You can't help him, he has to help himself. if he is not willing than there is nothing you can do. you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. been there done all that. doesn't work. he has to hit bottom. let him fall than be there for him when he is going to need you the most.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: delta,bc, canada
Posts: 83
Interesting that when they leave us there is no worry for our behalf. We can just go blow in the wind until THEY need something. Don't care about the mortgage, the bills, the loans, the kids, just about themselves. If mine called with these problems, sorry to say I would tell him to grow up and figure it out.
When I was left to clean up all his garbage, I found a way to survive and conquer. Not without stumbling and falling but the bills are paid. No concern from him at all. Well, what goes around comes around. Not my time to step in and make the world alright for him anymore, because he taught ME to take care of myself first!
A good lesson, and one that I will remember all my life.
When I was left to clean up all his garbage, I found a way to survive and conquer. Not without stumbling and falling but the bills are paid. No concern from him at all. Well, what goes around comes around. Not my time to step in and make the world alright for him anymore, because he taught ME to take care of myself first!
A good lesson, and one that I will remember all my life.
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AH apologized big time for all the drama earlier today. Of course, he figured out what was going on all on his own. He did talk to his psychiatrist, and also to his family doctor. He figured out all on his own that his sinus problem is allergies. Actually, I've been saying that all along, but he doesn't listen to me. Somebody else told him that, and now he believes it. He's also back on full strength of Effexor and back on full strength of Suboxone. I wish he'd listen to his psych doc and stop trying to wean himself down. Of course, it doesn't matter what I wish.
The real lesson for me is that if this happens again, I need to not panic and start trying to "fix" his problem. I'm going to practice saying, "So, what is your plan" and "How are you going to fix this." I just got stressed out because he sounded suicidal over sinus problems. I'm glad that he talked to his psychiatrist today. Then she can see how nuts he can get.
The real lesson for me is that if this happens again, I need to not panic and start trying to "fix" his problem. I'm going to practice saying, "So, what is your plan" and "How are you going to fix this." I just got stressed out because he sounded suicidal over sinus problems. I'm glad that he talked to his psychiatrist today. Then she can see how nuts he can get.
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Originally Posted by bluebelle 
AH apologized big time for all the drama earlier today. Of course, he figured out what was going on all on his own. He did talk to his psychiatrist, and also to his family doctor. He figured out all on his own that his sinus problem is allergies. Actually, I've been saying that all along, but he doesn't listen to me. Somebody else told him that, and now he believes it. He's also back on full strength of Effexor and back on full strength of Suboxone. I wish he'd listen to his psych doc and stop trying to wean himself down. Of course, it doesn't matter what I wish.
The real lesson for me is that if this happens again, I need to not panic and start trying to "fix" his problem. I'm going to practice saying, "So, what is your plan" and "How are you going to fix this." I just got stressed out because he sounded suicidal over sinus problems. I'm glad that he talked to his psychiatrist today. Then she can see how nuts he can get.
The real lesson for me is that if this happens again, I need to not panic and start trying to "fix" his problem. I'm going to practice saying, "So, what is your plan" and "How are you going to fix this." I just got stressed out because he sounded suicidal over sinus problems. I'm glad that he talked to his psychiatrist today. Then she can see how nuts he can get.
they always 'apologize' for their drama dont they??? Isn't it tireing?
Don't panic hon, and frankly I don't even sweat my responses to mine anymore. It's more of a 'whatever' attitude.
I tell ya, the day they 'worry' frantically over OUR well being.... (don't know about you) but I know I'd about pass out. It's always THEM THEM THEM! Urgh.
Let it go sweetie, let it go. ... you don't even need to respond. Just simply say - "i'm sorry your not feeling well...." that's it. plain and simple.
Lot's of love from a ya sister that feels the pain,
cessy
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