new - lost my friend to an OD
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 5
new - lost my friend to an OD
Hi. I just don't know who to talk to about this because people are so judgemental when I say my friend died from an OD.
We had been friends for years and he was a good person. He was the only friend that would call and wish me a happy mother's day. He would have done anything for me or my son. He was interested in dating me but when I started dating his friend he was nothing but respectful. He always said he couldn't believe my fiance hadn't married me yet and now he will miss the wedding later this year.
He had tried so many times to get off heroin. We could tell when he was using because he would call and say things over and over again forgetting that he had just said that. We stopped answering his calls for a couple weeks and he was calling every day. We finally called him and planned to stop by but they had found him dead earlier that morning.
I am so mad at the friends that kept sucking him back into that life. I know my friend was the only person who could have saved himself but I am still so angry. I know they are grieving too but I don't know how I'll manage to be around them at the wake.
I feel so guilty for ignoring him when he was using. I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen him over my fiance 8 years ago. Would he be dead now?
I am so mad at the people who judge me because he was my friend and assume he was a bad person. I obviously didn't bring my son around him while he was high but he was a kind person and loved my son. My son doesn't understand.. he is only 4.
I just feel so sad. It would be easy to understand if he had a long and happy life. The truth is he had a short and pretty crappy life. He was a dreamer but could never make things happen. He always had these wonderful ideas of what he would do but he was stuck. Maybe I should have helped him more, I just don't know..
I can't believe he is gone and we'll never get to do all of those things we had planned to do some day. I have a lot of friends but not many close friends but he was a close friend. I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out.
I just hope his brother learns from this and cleans himself up. I can't help but wish it was his brother that died and not my friend. His brother was not kind. I'm trying to keep it together at work and for my son but I just feel like curling up and crying.
I don't know what to say when people ask me what happened. People that knew him well know what happened but it is being kept quiet. People that did not know him, why do they have to ask what happened when I say my friend died.
I know this is long and rambling but thank you for letting me get this out!
We had been friends for years and he was a good person. He was the only friend that would call and wish me a happy mother's day. He would have done anything for me or my son. He was interested in dating me but when I started dating his friend he was nothing but respectful. He always said he couldn't believe my fiance hadn't married me yet and now he will miss the wedding later this year.
He had tried so many times to get off heroin. We could tell when he was using because he would call and say things over and over again forgetting that he had just said that. We stopped answering his calls for a couple weeks and he was calling every day. We finally called him and planned to stop by but they had found him dead earlier that morning.
I am so mad at the friends that kept sucking him back into that life. I know my friend was the only person who could have saved himself but I am still so angry. I know they are grieving too but I don't know how I'll manage to be around them at the wake.
I feel so guilty for ignoring him when he was using. I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen him over my fiance 8 years ago. Would he be dead now?
I am so mad at the people who judge me because he was my friend and assume he was a bad person. I obviously didn't bring my son around him while he was high but he was a kind person and loved my son. My son doesn't understand.. he is only 4.
I just feel so sad. It would be easy to understand if he had a long and happy life. The truth is he had a short and pretty crappy life. He was a dreamer but could never make things happen. He always had these wonderful ideas of what he would do but he was stuck. Maybe I should have helped him more, I just don't know..
I can't believe he is gone and we'll never get to do all of those things we had planned to do some day. I have a lot of friends but not many close friends but he was a close friend. I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out.
I just hope his brother learns from this and cleans himself up. I can't help but wish it was his brother that died and not my friend. His brother was not kind. I'm trying to keep it together at work and for my son but I just feel like curling up and crying.
I don't know what to say when people ask me what happened. People that knew him well know what happened but it is being kept quiet. People that did not know him, why do they have to ask what happened when I say my friend died.
I know this is long and rambling but thank you for letting me get this out!
Searching for Serenity
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 128
There is a social stigma attached to drug abuse, and a lot of people don't understand and are very judgemental.
But, it is something that, although many people don't talk about it, many people have dealt with at some point. You may find that people are more understanding than you think. You should def. talk about it, at a Nar-anon meeting or in counseling. And here too. Thoughts are with you.
But, it is something that, although many people don't talk about it, many people have dealt with at some point. You may find that people are more understanding than you think. You should def. talk about it, at a Nar-anon meeting or in counseling. And here too. Thoughts are with you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 932
I'm so sorry sweetie! Welcome to SR!
I haven't had anyone die (yet) to addiction but they are many who are lost in addiction. I know there's a ton of questions. You may not ever have the answers.
I'll say a prayer for your friend because he's in a wondeful place now and his demons aren't licking at his heels anymore. I'm sure he's smiling down at you and wanting you to know that he's finally free!
:ghug3
I haven't had anyone die (yet) to addiction but they are many who are lost in addiction. I know there's a ton of questions. You may not ever have the answers.
I'll say a prayer for your friend because he's in a wondeful place now and his demons aren't licking at his heels anymore. I'm sure he's smiling down at you and wanting you to know that he's finally free!
:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 5
Thank you everyone!
I just got very angry again.. they having no obit, no wake, no funeral.. it is like they are pretending he didn't die. His family is important in the community and it makes me feel like they are trying to cover it up. We would never have known if we hadn't planned on stopping by that day. Hopefully eventually we will find out where he is buried and go visit him.
I just got very angry again.. they having no obit, no wake, no funeral.. it is like they are pretending he didn't die. His family is important in the community and it makes me feel like they are trying to cover it up. We would never have known if we hadn't planned on stopping by that day. Hopefully eventually we will find out where he is buried and go visit him.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Welcome miss!
I am so sorry for your loss.
I know your pain.
I was in love with an alcoholic/drug addict. We lived together for 3 years and my son called him Daddy. I got clean and he did not want to. I left and began my life in another city. 2 1/2 years later (long story) I started dating one of his best friends. I married that man. I never forgot about JD and I wanted so much for him. But there was nothing that I could do. He died in his sleep from alcoholism 5 years ago. I still miss him, as does my husband.
I wish we could have saved him. Oh and he was a good man.
Welcome. :ghug
I am so sorry for your loss.
I know your pain.
I was in love with an alcoholic/drug addict. We lived together for 3 years and my son called him Daddy. I got clean and he did not want to. I left and began my life in another city. 2 1/2 years later (long story) I started dating one of his best friends. I married that man. I never forgot about JD and I wanted so much for him. But there was nothing that I could do. He died in his sleep from alcoholism 5 years ago. I still miss him, as does my husband.
I wish we could have saved him. Oh and he was a good man.
Welcome. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Lost in Ca
Posts: 253
Sorry for your loss!!!! Addiction is a horrible disease. Many people don't understand but, I live with my AH and it feel like I am addicted too. You are marrying the right person but, it's also okay to grieve and care for your friend. Much love to you and your family!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and my prayers go out for all who loved him.
How sad that some people cannot see beyond the addiction and know the good person inside.
If it would offer some closure, perhaps gather with a few people who want to join you and have a private memorial service for him, even just sharing stories and memories and say goodbye to him in your own way.
Again, I am so sorry, we never get used to losing an addict, no matter how long we have been here.
Hugs
How sad that some people cannot see beyond the addiction and know the good person inside.
If it would offer some closure, perhaps gather with a few people who want to join you and have a private memorial service for him, even just sharing stories and memories and say goodbye to him in your own way.
Again, I am so sorry, we never get used to losing an addict, no matter how long we have been here.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Reality......
Posts: 735
Sorry for your loss. Whenever I hear about an addict that follows their addiction to the grave I always think that the good die young.
Addicts are people too. They have a disease. And its just sad that the potential that everyone else sees in them is not seen by the addict.
Breaks my heart over and over to hear these tragic stories. I wonder if this will the path that my abf takes. I pray that it wont be.
Addicts are people too. They have a disease. And its just sad that the potential that everyone else sees in them is not seen by the addict.
Breaks my heart over and over to hear these tragic stories. I wonder if this will the path that my abf takes. I pray that it wont be.
I know how it is now, my dad died a week ago from a heroin overdose. I wish you all the best.Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
I agree with Anns idea...a private memorial for his closest friends.
I think he'd like that.
As far as people being judgemental. I can remember when I was, too.
Having an addict in your family, or as a close friend truly opens up your eyes,
and I'm proud to say I feel it has made me a better person.
Prayers for his family that is trying to sweep his death under the carpet, they need our prayers.
Hugs to you,
Glad you're here.
I think he'd like that.
As far as people being judgemental. I can remember when I was, too.
Having an addict in your family, or as a close friend truly opens up your eyes,
and I'm proud to say I feel it has made me a better person.
Prayers for his family that is trying to sweep his death under the carpet, they need our prayers.
Hugs to you,
Glad you're here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I am so sorry for your loss.
I agree with Ann's idea. I went to something similar for a friend. There was a "family" thing, that was more formal and stuffy. Then, several of us friends got together at a river, where he used to camp. He was a good ole' GA redneck, and we were tromping through the mud, shot of his favorite gun into the air, and celebrated his LIFE. Yes, we cried, but we also laughed. We cranked up his favorite music and sang at the top of our lungs...sometimes through tears.
Addiction sucks. I'm a recovering addict, and I know it well. I hope you continue to read and post, here. There's a tremendous amount of support, from some terrific people who understand what you're feeling.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I agree with Ann's idea. I went to something similar for a friend. There was a "family" thing, that was more formal and stuffy. Then, several of us friends got together at a river, where he used to camp. He was a good ole' GA redneck, and we were tromping through the mud, shot of his favorite gun into the air, and celebrated his LIFE. Yes, we cried, but we also laughed. We cranked up his favorite music and sang at the top of our lungs...sometimes through tears.
Addiction sucks. I'm a recovering addict, and I know it well. I hope you continue to read and post, here. There's a tremendous amount of support, from some terrific people who understand what you're feeling.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
I am so sorry for your loss.....
I don't know what you are feeling.... I only know that it is common to 'wonder' the things that you are wondering...
Much like suicide- people 'wonder' what they could have done...
You couldn't have done anything- as well. Same concept. Different disease.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
SR has been amazeing to me, I hope you find peace and support here as well.
Love,
Cessy
I don't know what you are feeling.... I only know that it is common to 'wonder' the things that you are wondering...
Much like suicide- people 'wonder' what they could have done...
You couldn't have done anything- as well. Same concept. Different disease.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you.
SR has been amazeing to me, I hope you find peace and support here as well.
Love,
Cessy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Westland, Pennsylvania
Posts: 247
Hello Miss, I know what you are feeling I lost my son on 11-19-08 of herion overdose. My son was a good person too. He was at the funeral home just 1 afternoon and so many people (his friends who loved him) came to cry over his death. They came to me and said I just saw him the other day he look fine he had them laughing. My heart has a huge hole in it over his death.
Miss I will pray for you it does help and a good cry does too.
Maggiemac
Miss I will pray for you it does help and a good cry does too.
Maggiemac
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 85
Wow, I'm deeply sorry for your loss too and share the familiar pain of losing a loved one to heroin, my uncle (mom's brother)....He was a vietnam vet.....one of the most loving, kindest, funniest people I had ever known....but at times you could tell he battled personal demons. He could make you laugh really hard and he laughed like a hyena when amused..and never seemed to take life too serious in his last days.....Strangely, it seems he was happy up to the very moment he was found slumped in his truck at one of his favorite spots in a park...gone..obviously after using --from things found in the truck.
At the urging of family members to stop his drug use or get help, he would reply "I'm not gonna stop, because then I will die sooner." ??? At any rate, I don't miss worriation of my mother and other family members...but I do miss him.
Peace and Love,
GG
At the urging of family members to stop his drug use or get help, he would reply "I'm not gonna stop, because then I will die sooner." ??? At any rate, I don't miss worriation of my mother and other family members...but I do miss him.
Peace and Love,
GG
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm so very sorry for your loss and I really hope you can hear the words spoken here...not just the understanding, the expression of sympathy and the caring, but also the realization that you truly could not have done anything to save him. That's what brings so many of us here...we become as sick in our way as the addicts we love because we try so hard to fix them, when indeed we can not control this disease. Had you chosen him 8 years ago, I'm afraid not only would nothing have changed, but you may have journeyed down a sad, lonely and physically and emotionally perilous path trying to save his life by losing you.
I'm so sorry that the stigma of addiciton has caused the family to deny those who loved your friend that opportunity for some closure. I hope you find a way to do so yourself. Addiction is a horrible disease that takes some of the most caring, insightful people from us. I lost my daughter to an overdose and I know she is one of the brightest stars shining down on us. I truly sense her peace now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband and all who loved your friend.
I'm so sorry that the stigma of addiciton has caused the family to deny those who loved your friend that opportunity for some closure. I hope you find a way to do so yourself. Addiction is a horrible disease that takes some of the most caring, insightful people from us. I lost my daughter to an overdose and I know she is one of the brightest stars shining down on us. I truly sense her peace now. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband and all who loved your friend.
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