SHAMAN

Normally, I don't respond much... and I've never began a new thread before. I'd like to thank everyone for all the insights offered as it has contributed greatly to my recovery.

I've never fully detailed my story or background here, nor do I think it's important for this post. Suffice it to say my addict is your addict and your addict is my addict. So many different details yet the dynamics remain the same, which bring us together. I have read so many stories, like mine, in which responsibilities... financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual... have been neglected by a partner. Responsibilities, which are mandates of a functional/healthy relationship are suffocated by deceit, lies (both outright and by omission), manipulation, and an inability to recognize or acknowledge the unmanagebility being wrought. For me, and stemming from exposure to the addicts in my life, this is especially true when the secret life of addiction, or the fact that it is actually addiction, risks exposure.

Like so many before me, and as I often witness others share here, I have spent much of my life trying to understand, to figure out, and to manage the effect others have injected into my life. I say that in order to say this, having reflected on something I have know for some time, but see in a new light thanks to my recovery...

Neglect IS a form of Abuse!

There are many forms such as not contirbuting toward household expenses or failure to fully disclose 'truth' in regards to one's whereabouts, for example. But I need not be punched in the nose or receive a black eye to recognize ABUSE. In fact, it is this more subtle form of abuse that has contributed more greatly to my own dysfunction.

Avoidance of honesty, though however subtle for instance, is neglectful because it strips me of my ability to make fully-informed decisions based on all of the information. I can't expect others to practice honesty as I think they should, but I am allowed the choice of who I allow in my life based on the manner in which they practice honesty.

I am offering my thoughts as a reminder to myself, to commit to new thinking, and to affirm the thinking of others that the treatment they may be receiving is neither 'just', what they deserve, or what they signed-up for. I am progressing toward letting go of an 'understanding' and 'must know' of the details when the big picture is neglect, attempting to disguise itself in various forms.

I need not confuse my own life in a detail if I accept it for what it is and am willing to change my own thinking.

Thanks for letting me share.

Many Blessings,
Shaman

"Truth crushed to the Earth shall rise again."

Abundance

Very well written.

That is the number one reason that I stress when it comes to honesty. He lied to "protect" me - but really all it does is strip me of my ability to make fully-informed decisions for myself in MY life!

But yes... since I have been in recovery - really it goes deeper or shallower (depends on how you look at it) - that it is MY choice to have it in my life.
That is part of the "crazy making" I have experienced.

Very profound - and you have put it so eloquently.

Well done.

racaple78

This means a lot to me b/c it directly pertains to my AH, whom I've already filed divorce from. He lied REPEATEDLY, and still continues to to this day, all while living in a different state. I find it remarkable that often it seems that he almost believes his own lies and deceits, (is this possible?) as though the reality of his situation is so unbearable he would rather create a false reality to cope with it all.