The Relationship
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
The Relationship
This is something i wrote today about my son's addiction.
THE RELATIONSHIP
When you meet her she is so beautiful and makes you feel like no one ever has.
She makes everything bad in your life seem bearable.
At first things are great she only comes to see you when you ask her to.
She is perfect and everything you always wanted.
She will tell you that no one else loves you.
She will tell you that no one else cares.
Only she understands you.
Only she makes you feel good.
Your health begins to suffer
Your dreams are set to the side
Your only goal is to be with her
You will do whatever it takes to be near her.
Soon she won’t leave you alone – she’s always around.
If your friends don’t like her she makes you drop them.
If your family doesn’t approve she will make you turn on them.
She only allows you to be around others who also love her.
She will call you in the middle of the night when you are lonely and tempt you.
She will always be there when you have problems.
You will feel like you can never be rid of her so you may as well be with her.
Even though you know that she is destroying everything, you can’t help wanting her
She tricks you into believing that this is normal
Anything you do that takes away from her she makes you quit.
She takes all of your money.
She makes you lie and steal to be with her
If you try to leave her she will follow you.
She will be at every party you go to.
She will hang out with your friends to be closer to you.
She will haunt your dreams.
You try repeatedly to break up but she never hears what you say.
She lands you in jail with the things she makes you do.
She doesn’t go with you but sometimes she sneaks in to see you
She is always waiting when you get out.
Those who love you try to get you to break it off with her.
Others try to force her out of your life – everyone watches for her.
She becomes quiet and sneaky and you slip off with her sometimes.
You feel guilty and you want her gone but you don’t know how.
She will stay until she finally understands that you want no more of her.
She will stay until you finally tell her no more.
She will stay until you no longer let your desire for her control you.
She will stay until you force her to go on your own.
THE RELATIONSHIP
When you meet her she is so beautiful and makes you feel like no one ever has.
She makes everything bad in your life seem bearable.
At first things are great she only comes to see you when you ask her to.
She is perfect and everything you always wanted.
She will tell you that no one else loves you.
She will tell you that no one else cares.
Only she understands you.
Only she makes you feel good.
Your health begins to suffer
Your dreams are set to the side
Your only goal is to be with her
You will do whatever it takes to be near her.
Soon she won’t leave you alone – she’s always around.
If your friends don’t like her she makes you drop them.
If your family doesn’t approve she will make you turn on them.
She only allows you to be around others who also love her.
She will call you in the middle of the night when you are lonely and tempt you.
She will always be there when you have problems.
You will feel like you can never be rid of her so you may as well be with her.
Even though you know that she is destroying everything, you can’t help wanting her
She tricks you into believing that this is normal
Anything you do that takes away from her she makes you quit.
She takes all of your money.
She makes you lie and steal to be with her
If you try to leave her she will follow you.
She will be at every party you go to.
She will hang out with your friends to be closer to you.
She will haunt your dreams.
You try repeatedly to break up but she never hears what you say.
She lands you in jail with the things she makes you do.
She doesn’t go with you but sometimes she sneaks in to see you
She is always waiting when you get out.
Those who love you try to get you to break it off with her.
Others try to force her out of your life – everyone watches for her.
She becomes quiet and sneaky and you slip off with her sometimes.
You feel guilty and you want her gone but you don’t know how.
She will stay until she finally understands that you want no more of her.
She will stay until you finally tell her no more.
She will stay until you no longer let your desire for her control you.
She will stay until you force her to go on your own.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
oh winnie, that is saaad. so sad.
It's a sad world that addicts live in, sometimes i think even more sad for us.
In my psych class this week, we were in lecture about addiction.....
Urgh... it kept slapping me in the face..... when the professor was talking about the circle of addiction, and how little the success rate is for addicts, how the disease affects the friends and family, who have their hands cuffed behind their backs- with nothing to do - other than watch their loved ones slip away....
I'm sorry you are dealing with this with your child.... i can't imagine.
I'm sending you big, big hugs.
Lots of love,
Cessy
It's a sad world that addicts live in, sometimes i think even more sad for us.
In my psych class this week, we were in lecture about addiction.....
Urgh... it kept slapping me in the face..... when the professor was talking about the circle of addiction, and how little the success rate is for addicts, how the disease affects the friends and family, who have their hands cuffed behind their backs- with nothing to do - other than watch their loved ones slip away....
I'm sorry you are dealing with this with your child.... i can't imagine.
I'm sending you big, big hugs.
Lots of love,
Cessy
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
winnie, a little over a year ago I told my daughter her DOC was her best friend. She burst into tears and expressed just about everything you wrote. The thought of breaking up with the DOC made her incredibly sad. I knew that honesty would lead to better things because she was already in mourning.
You've really nailed it and with your permission, I'd like to keep it and print it out.
You've really nailed it and with your permission, I'd like to keep it and print it out.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Originally Posted by Chino 
You've really nailed it and with your permission, I'd like to keep it and print it out.
i think its easier for me to accept my son's addiction when i think of it as a force in his life and not see it as him personally.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
This is just perfect, Winnie, thank you for sharing it. I, too, would like to print it out and share it with my BF if that would be OK with you.
How is your son doing now? Has he been able to get past his trying first few days?
Hugs,
HG
How is your son doing now? Has he been able to get past his trying first few days?
Hugs,
HG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Thank you all. I talked to AS last night. He said he's feeling a little better about everything. At least he seems to have put the idea of leaving and going back to jail to the side for now. Its still hard but he's says he's going to try to hang in there. His PO did go by and talk to him also yesterday. His PO is actually a really nice guy who cares about these kids so i think that was helpful as well.
I talked to a woman from a local church yesterday that he bonded with. Her church does outreach at the YDC and he visited her church a few times after he was out. She is going to try to work out something with the Rehab for her to do some outreach there and hopefully take him to church. I think getting out on sunday mornings and building a relationship with his HP could really help him. They do let another local church do this at the facility so i'm hoping that they will let her in as well. At this point HP is really the only thing that i think is going to get him through this. This is a church that he chose - its very laid back - coffee shop style. Sitting there you could have a mom on one side and a tatooted biker on the other. Its just an atmosphere that he is more comfortable with and i'm really happy that he found a place he feels like he fits in.
hydro - certainly you can print it out.
I talked to a woman from a local church yesterday that he bonded with. Her church does outreach at the YDC and he visited her church a few times after he was out. She is going to try to work out something with the Rehab for her to do some outreach there and hopefully take him to church. I think getting out on sunday mornings and building a relationship with his HP could really help him. They do let another local church do this at the facility so i'm hoping that they will let her in as well. At this point HP is really the only thing that i think is going to get him through this. This is a church that he chose - its very laid back - coffee shop style. Sitting there you could have a mom on one side and a tatooted biker on the other. Its just an atmosphere that he is more comfortable with and i'm really happy that he found a place he feels like he fits in.
hydro - certainly you can print it out.
Such a beautiful poem and SO TRUE. I emailed it to my AH if that's ok. Thank you so much and you're such a sweetheart!
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