Mewoman

How much can someone endure ? My 29 year old niece who is five months pregnant is facing a jail sentence , just broke up with her boyfriend , she is in a day program for abusing her DOC crack ! she has used twice while pregnant ,I'm sure I could add some more bad news to that never ending sentence LOL

My mother lives with me and my two children , we have a happy quiet , non drama life until my niece calls with her once a week crisis . She used to live with us off and on for three years . What a roller coaster that was until I finally put my foot down and kicked her out . My mother never thought she would make it on her own but she has . But now I am terrified she is moving backwards and is going to end up on our doorstep. It sounds cold but she can't live here with her baby. She is going to have to go to a shelter . There are a couple family members who would say I am a hypocrit cause my children live with my mom and she watches them while I work . Not that I feel I need to justify anything , I guess you could call it clarifying it LOL I work midnight shift , when I split up with my childrens father I didn't have alot of options for someone to come and watch my children at night , I tried but my mom and I figured it would be better this way . I have been at the same job for almost 20 years and make great money , I wasn't about to quit for a day job LOL I would love to but it isn't an option right now.

I had a big long talk with my niece when she first said she was pregnant and said she needed to take a good hard look at my life minus the drug addiction , I said are you really ready at this point in life to be a single mom ? ? of course in her four months of new relationship bliss/honeymoon she couldn't grasp the fact that having a baby with someone you don't even know is not such a great idea ! She has seen me as a single mom for over five years and she knows its not easy .

I think it is time to send my mother off to another meeting , she is always trying to save the world for my niece when she really needs to just step back . My mom went to a couple and she was stronger for a minute LOL She lives with the guilt that if she doesn't try and fix it . I can't say anything to her about it . I don't feel like arguing with her or making her feel bad for wanting to help . So this morning I went to the source , called my niece and asked her why she would call her 69 year old grandmother out in a storm ? What did I get ? a big old scream in my ear about how I don't care about anyone but myself ? ? ? I care about this poor innocent child coming into this world of hers . It makes me sick to think about what is going to happen . I am not ready to care for an infant nor can I put that on my mother ! Thank goodness when my youngest was born I had a year off with him ! It hurts my heart to think about it all .

Thanks for listening , I'm a pretty regular lurker LOL I just never have the time or I guess the energy to type out what goes through my head about all of this . I am soo glad I found this board though ♥

:ghug:ghug:ghug

JMFburns

Thanks MeWoman.

Glad you decided to post to get some of the thoughts out of your head for a while - it needs a break too!!!

You sound like you are trying pretty hard to take care of your life in a good way, taking care of your kids and not abusing the "Mom / babysitter" situation. I would only encourage both you and your Mom to attend AlAnon or NarAnon meetings - it helps me alot.

Good luck and best wishes to your family.

HurtingDad

This is a good place to find. It's a great resource for information, wisedom and just ranting and raving.

You've got a lot on your plate but it sounds as if you've got a plan on how to handle it, especially with setting boundries. As JMFburns
said, you and your Mom should get to Naranon.

Prayers and best wishes for you and your family.

sojourner

I'm just here to reiterate that while you are right in knowing your mom needs meetings, YOU DO TOO!!!

If you've been lurking then you already know you need to get educated on addiction, what it does to the user, what it does to the family, correct and incorrect ways for you as a family member to truly help your niece.

I agree with the above who commended you for coming here and typing your concerns out - your brain does need a rest from all your thoughts, and coming here and "dumping" it on this forum is a great way to do that - we can take it - we're here to help and to encourage you to do the next right thing...

MyJoey

Mewomen,

You have done enough. You have two young children to think about, I would not let someone in my home that is using unless I had to, meaning if it was my under age child. It is time for her to pick up the pieces of her life. Hopefully she will think about adoption, there are many couples out there just waiting for a baby. She is not your responsibility, nor is she your mothers. You need to get mom to some meeting or get her on this site reading, let her know that helping her in anyway will only hurt her in the long run. With the other family, it is like you said you don't have to justify your actions to them. Your reasons for being with your mother and having her watch your children are no ones business but yours and hers. Wishing you the best and I hope it all works out.