My husband walked over the line
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: washington state
Posts: 4
My husband walked over the line
Hello there...
i dont know where to start,even though never thought i would have to do this.
i am 28 and married to an (ex) alcoholic.We have 3 kids. 9 ,2, and just now 3 weeks.
My husband is in the air forces since 5 years and he used to take heroin,alcohol ect ..wel alot and he did very good in rehap 6 years ago....
For some reason, he never stopped drinking though....lately he buys beer...and excuses it and he says well just in case 4 company,or even with or without comp ,he drinks it all within a crazy short time.
So farm he was NEVER agressive or anything. In all these years...always funny and very very tired at the end and all he used to want is to sleep!
he drinks around 9-10 beers in maybe 2,3 hrs..?!
well yesterday, we had anniversary and we wanna go to seattle(1hr away) for dinner...he asked me, hey can drink those 2 beers ...so i said no, i dont want to u to stink like beer, b4 we even left...all is fine...so we drive there had quiet fun and he drinks though..beer here(nast one he didnt even like it at first) liquer there and 1 cocktail..back home another one
He just fell asleep on the couch,...he was just all gone. So i was mad, and our baby was about to wake up,hungry...So i needed him(he usually is soo cute with the kids) to hold him while i make the bottle....i had to check something in the kitchen, so i said to feed him real quick...
To the point....the baby was crying so bad, and sounded so sad,helpless...it sounded weird i look there and see him covering the babys whole entire face!!!!!!!!! also b4 he forced him the pesy in his mouth....i took the baby fast and told him he kills him and that i dont trust him no more....well he closed his eyes,..and back 2 sleep!
i dont know what to do...is he about to ruine our 'happy"family?? we r so happy ,such a sweet father and husband.....what can i do???
he walked over the line....i dont wanna know what may happen to the baby if i wasnt there
sorry i wrote too much
thank you for advices
i dont know where to start,even though never thought i would have to do this.
i am 28 and married to an (ex) alcoholic.We have 3 kids. 9 ,2, and just now 3 weeks.
My husband is in the air forces since 5 years and he used to take heroin,alcohol ect ..wel alot and he did very good in rehap 6 years ago....
For some reason, he never stopped drinking though....lately he buys beer...and excuses it and he says well just in case 4 company,or even with or without comp ,he drinks it all within a crazy short time.
So farm he was NEVER agressive or anything. In all these years...always funny and very very tired at the end and all he used to want is to sleep!
he drinks around 9-10 beers in maybe 2,3 hrs..?!
well yesterday, we had anniversary and we wanna go to seattle(1hr away) for dinner...he asked me, hey can drink those 2 beers ...so i said no, i dont want to u to stink like beer, b4 we even left...all is fine...so we drive there had quiet fun and he drinks though..beer here(nast one he didnt even like it at first) liquer there and 1 cocktail..back home another one
He just fell asleep on the couch,...he was just all gone. So i was mad, and our baby was about to wake up,hungry...So i needed him(he usually is soo cute with the kids) to hold him while i make the bottle....i had to check something in the kitchen, so i said to feed him real quick...
To the point....the baby was crying so bad, and sounded so sad,helpless...it sounded weird i look there and see him covering the babys whole entire face!!!!!!!!! also b4 he forced him the pesy in his mouth....i took the baby fast and told him he kills him and that i dont trust him no more....well he closed his eyes,..and back 2 sleep!
i dont know what to do...is he about to ruine our 'happy"family?? we r so happy ,such a sweet father and husband.....what can i do???
he walked over the line....i dont wanna know what may happen to the baby if i wasnt there
sorry i wrote too much
thank you for advices
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
welcome glad you found this site.
Your right to be upset and the danger to your child is real...........
It is most important to understand that you cant change your husband but you can protect yourself and your child.
Is your husband willing to return to rehab?
Your right to be upset and the danger to your child is real...........
It is most important to understand that you cant change your husband but you can protect yourself and your child.
Is your husband willing to return to rehab?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
First and foremost this doesnt sound like a "happy family" to me. your child is in danger and you need to protect that child by any means neccessary - its your repsonsibility when you become a parent.
i remember a time about 16 years ago when my son was a baby. His AD and I had gone out and he got severely drunk. Of course, as usual, there was a scene so one of our male friends stopped by just to make sure i was okay and that he wasnt in one of his rages. Our friend and I walked back to the bedroom just to make sure that he was still passed out because that's when we knew that i was safe. this man, that I loved dearly and had a family with, was crouched in the corner of our bedroom, pants at his ankles and he was taking a crap. his friend was horrified beyond belief.
What I'm saying is that when someone is high or drunk they will do things that they would never do sober. My bf had blacked out and didnt remember any of it and will deny it to this day but I know what I saw and it was the most disgusting affirmation that he was out of control. Your husband may be a wonderful father when he's sober but when he's drunk there is no limit to what can happen. If this man you are with is even remotely capable of harming your baby then you must get that baby away from him now.
i remember a time about 16 years ago when my son was a baby. His AD and I had gone out and he got severely drunk. Of course, as usual, there was a scene so one of our male friends stopped by just to make sure i was okay and that he wasnt in one of his rages. Our friend and I walked back to the bedroom just to make sure that he was still passed out because that's when we knew that i was safe. this man, that I loved dearly and had a family with, was crouched in the corner of our bedroom, pants at his ankles and he was taking a crap. his friend was horrified beyond belief.
What I'm saying is that when someone is high or drunk they will do things that they would never do sober. My bf had blacked out and didnt remember any of it and will deny it to this day but I know what I saw and it was the most disgusting affirmation that he was out of control. Your husband may be a wonderful father when he's sober but when he's drunk there is no limit to what can happen. If this man you are with is even remotely capable of harming your baby then you must get that baby away from him now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: washington state
Posts: 4
well thank you for your replies.
Ok when we met, we went out and had fun.Of caurse we both were driniking, but never got drunk drunk, neither did he.
i was about 6 or 7 months with him when he told me, he had a alcohol problem...so far all i knew was about his heroin and meth and and the list is long.
So, he was fine. He has a great job, a high rank gotten in a short time and we always laughing making jokes..even now we do!
WITH alc he is still funny, but i can tell if its enuff-mostly he says" no i am fine,trust me"...thats ********, cos he talks alrwady weird stuff,his eyes rose and he gets tired and attached,..like telling me how much he loves me ....
With the kids he NEVER drinks...unless its weekend, and they are in bed....but of caurse, if he drinks,..i take over the baby...he sleeps and wakes up normal...
With our baby last night i was like so speechless....did he just do what i saw?? Fabian didnt even cry,..mabe a lil noises cos he was hungry and he did not feed him right....He had is Hand all over his small face, holding!!!!
i felt like i would have to throw up my heart started beating like crazy i felt the fear ...o my gosh
i still cant believe this.
about another rehap...well he admit to his problem! change it though? no..he is fine HE said, cos he only drinks weekends.
rehap would become a risk with his job
this morning, he came back upstares,took a shower and sat on the bed next to me, he said "i am sorry i donno what i was thinkin"
i told him to go outta my face....he sat there a while starring at fabian
i never been a situation like that b4....i donno what to do,or to say
cant belive this all is happening
Ok when we met, we went out and had fun.Of caurse we both were driniking, but never got drunk drunk, neither did he.
i was about 6 or 7 months with him when he told me, he had a alcohol problem...so far all i knew was about his heroin and meth and and the list is long.
So, he was fine. He has a great job, a high rank gotten in a short time and we always laughing making jokes..even now we do!
WITH alc he is still funny, but i can tell if its enuff-mostly he says" no i am fine,trust me"...thats ********, cos he talks alrwady weird stuff,his eyes rose and he gets tired and attached,..like telling me how much he loves me ....
With the kids he NEVER drinks...unless its weekend, and they are in bed....but of caurse, if he drinks,..i take over the baby...he sleeps and wakes up normal...
With our baby last night i was like so speechless....did he just do what i saw?? Fabian didnt even cry,..mabe a lil noises cos he was hungry and he did not feed him right....He had is Hand all over his small face, holding!!!!
i felt like i would have to throw up my heart started beating like crazy i felt the fear ...o my gosh
i still cant believe this.about another rehap...well he admit to his problem! change it though? no..he is fine HE said, cos he only drinks weekends.
rehap would become a risk with his job
this morning, he came back upstares,took a shower and sat on the bed next to me, he said "i am sorry i donno what i was thinkin"
i told him to go outta my face....he sat there a while starring at fabian
i never been a situation like that b4....i donno what to do,or to say
cant belive this all is happening
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
jl,
You have to make a stand, honey. Alcoholism is progressive. Last night was pretty bad, and progressive means it will get worse. Don't let this die down, don't minimize how you are feeling or what you saw. He tried to smother YOUR baby in a drunken black-out. He will have drunken black-outs again. Are you prepared to spend another minute guarding your children from their father?
I had to do this long ag, jl. My drunken husband was endangering the lives of my 3 year old and 6 month old baby. I remember the fear and the helplessness. I made a stand, and refused to put up with it, and I was a little woman, unemployed, and scared. I did have family who supported me. Do you have anyone you can share this story with and ask for help? Don't be afraid or ashamed. You need to never let this happen again, and you didn't do anything wrong. He needs treatment, and he needs to get out of your house if he refuses it---period.
I will be praying for you, sister. Think of someone you can call. Don't just let this quiet down and pretend nothing happened, please.
You have to make a stand, honey. Alcoholism is progressive. Last night was pretty bad, and progressive means it will get worse. Don't let this die down, don't minimize how you are feeling or what you saw. He tried to smother YOUR baby in a drunken black-out. He will have drunken black-outs again. Are you prepared to spend another minute guarding your children from their father?
I had to do this long ag, jl. My drunken husband was endangering the lives of my 3 year old and 6 month old baby. I remember the fear and the helplessness. I made a stand, and refused to put up with it, and I was a little woman, unemployed, and scared. I did have family who supported me. Do you have anyone you can share this story with and ask for help? Don't be afraid or ashamed. You need to never let this happen again, and you didn't do anything wrong. He needs treatment, and he needs to get out of your house if he refuses it---period.
I will be praying for you, sister. Think of someone you can call. Don't just let this quiet down and pretend nothing happened, please.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: washington state
Posts: 4
no we just moved down here...i dont have have family over here!
so i tell him to see a doctor?
do i tell him i will leave him if he wont stop?
i love him so much its like a bad movie you dont wanna watch!!
of caurse my kids r more important
But i cant leave him or tell him to leave, not yet?
i am sure, with help he will be fine??
so i tell him to see a doctor?
do i tell him i will leave him if he wont stop?
i love him so much its like a bad movie you dont wanna watch!!
of caurse my kids r more important
But i cant leave him or tell him to leave, not yet?
i am sure, with help he will be fine??
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I was married to an alcoholic, I have two alcoholic daughters, and I am a recovering alcoholic myself.
There is no such thing as an ex-alcoholic. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. You're either an active alcoholic who is drinking (and it has nothing to do with how often or how much they drink), or you are a sober alcoholic in recovery. Oh, and then there is the dry alcoholic, one who isn't drinking but still has all the same crappy attitudes and behaviors that an actively drinking alcoholic has, only without the alcohol.
Your husband is not an ex-alcoholic. If he never quit drinking, he was never in recovery, period.
I was one of those funny drunks too. I would have a whole table full of people at the clubs and have them all laughing at my stories and jokes.
Unfortunately alcoholism is a progressive disease, and it only gets worse, never better.
I can no longer afford to entertain those thoughts of the funny drunk I used to be, but I have to play the tape all the way to the end when I went to rehab and was just days away from death.
Bottom line is, if he doesn't want help, then he's not ready to get help.
You need to protect those children.
You didn't cause his alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
:ghug :ghug :ghug
There is no such thing as an ex-alcoholic. Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. You're either an active alcoholic who is drinking (and it has nothing to do with how often or how much they drink), or you are a sober alcoholic in recovery. Oh, and then there is the dry alcoholic, one who isn't drinking but still has all the same crappy attitudes and behaviors that an actively drinking alcoholic has, only without the alcohol.
Your husband is not an ex-alcoholic. If he never quit drinking, he was never in recovery, period.
I was one of those funny drunks too. I would have a whole table full of people at the clubs and have them all laughing at my stories and jokes.
Unfortunately alcoholism is a progressive disease, and it only gets worse, never better.
I can no longer afford to entertain those thoughts of the funny drunk I used to be, but I have to play the tape all the way to the end when I went to rehab and was just days away from death.
Bottom line is, if he doesn't want help, then he's not ready to get help.
You need to protect those children.
You didn't cause his alcoholism, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
:ghug :ghug :ghug
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Love has nothing to do with any of this - once you realize that you will be able to see clearly. Everyone on here loves or has loved someone with addiction. I adore my AS - he and his sister are the loves of my life. I would lay my life down for his this very second but I wont ever lay his sister's life on the line for him. If you think its hard to choose between your kids safety and your husband - try making the choice between one child or another. I understand your pain and your confusion but you cannot jeopardize the safety of your children.
You really need to think long and hard because it sounds like you are in deep denial about how bad and how dangerous this problem is and could become. Addiction is progressive and without him seeking full recovery it will get worse.
I apologize if i'm coming across as unsympathetic but IMO the mothers bond for her children when they are little must go beyond the love they have for their husband.
Everything isnt so cut and dry - why cant he leave for a short time period while he sorts through these problems on his own without jeopardizing the lives of your children.
You really need to think long and hard because it sounds like you are in deep denial about how bad and how dangerous this problem is and could become. Addiction is progressive and without him seeking full recovery it will get worse.
I apologize if i'm coming across as unsympathetic but IMO the mothers bond for her children when they are little must go beyond the love they have for their husband.
Everything isnt so cut and dry - why cant he leave for a short time period while he sorts through these problems on his own without jeopardizing the lives of your children.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
He is in the military. You can go to his commanding officer and explain the situation. They will force him into treatment. My mother had to do this with her first husband. Just a suggestion. You have the military to help you with this one. They DO NOT play!!
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