I am worried...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 34
I am worried...
My daughter is able to make a few phone calls every weekend. I spoke to her this weekend. On Saturday she pleaded to come home, I said no. She said is scheduled to meet with someone monday to sign up for the sober house. She does not want to go there...she said you have to go six months, that she does not have transportation and it is way out from a bus stop. She asked if she could come home. I said no. She hung up on me ..screaming she would find some where else to live.
To my surprise she called me again today, she had bad attitude (which seems to have had for the last 2 weeks), but we started with a nice conversation. Midway through she starts screaming again. She evidently spoke wih one of her friends and found out that her dad and I met with this girls parents and told them about our daughter going to rehab. We really toiled whether we should tell them, but they were our close friends and we felt we needed to honest with them. Well, our daughter feels we never should have done this.. She said this mom is a big gossip and that she would not be able to hang out with any of her other friends (these friends are all druggies). Mind you the girlfriend I am speaking with is the first person my daughter wrote her goodbye letter to (obviously she never sent it). She has been calling her old buddies. She ended the call saying don't bother coming up for our therapy session (we have our first one this week). Later she called me back and screamed again and again, that she is done with me and that don't bother with the thought of her going to the sober house, she made arragements with one of her buddies to live with.
I have been crying most of the weekend. She really knows how to get to me, but I am really sick with worry. To me she has really gone downhill (this is the same kid who told us she had a problem and asked to go to rehab). She is calling her old buddies. I am calling her therapist tomorrow and filling her in on what has transpired. I am still praying she goes to the sober house, actually I am praying they keep her in trmt. Here are some questions I have. My daughter is 18, but I have not even spoken with her therapist, and they are already planning on moving her out of treatment (she will have been there 30 days), is this normal? Do they typically keep the family uninformed? We don't really know what her problem is drugs, alcohol or both. Is she an addict or an alcoholic? I mean we hve so many questions and no answers. We are thinking we may need to move her to a longer term trmt place, anyone have any recommendations? I am hopng she is just trying to get me upset...but by contacting these friends she doesn't seem to want to chage her ways. I am still going to the therapy session and I pray she will be there.
To my surprise she called me again today, she had bad attitude (which seems to have had for the last 2 weeks), but we started with a nice conversation. Midway through she starts screaming again. She evidently spoke wih one of her friends and found out that her dad and I met with this girls parents and told them about our daughter going to rehab. We really toiled whether we should tell them, but they were our close friends and we felt we needed to honest with them. Well, our daughter feels we never should have done this.. She said this mom is a big gossip and that she would not be able to hang out with any of her other friends (these friends are all druggies). Mind you the girlfriend I am speaking with is the first person my daughter wrote her goodbye letter to (obviously she never sent it). She has been calling her old buddies. She ended the call saying don't bother coming up for our therapy session (we have our first one this week). Later she called me back and screamed again and again, that she is done with me and that don't bother with the thought of her going to the sober house, she made arragements with one of her buddies to live with.
I have been crying most of the weekend. She really knows how to get to me, but I am really sick with worry. To me she has really gone downhill (this is the same kid who told us she had a problem and asked to go to rehab). She is calling her old buddies. I am calling her therapist tomorrow and filling her in on what has transpired. I am still praying she goes to the sober house, actually I am praying they keep her in trmt. Here are some questions I have. My daughter is 18, but I have not even spoken with her therapist, and they are already planning on moving her out of treatment (she will have been there 30 days), is this normal? Do they typically keep the family uninformed? We don't really know what her problem is drugs, alcohol or both. Is she an addict or an alcoholic? I mean we hve so many questions and no answers. We are thinking we may need to move her to a longer term trmt place, anyone have any recommendations? I am hopng she is just trying to get me upset...but by contacting these friends she doesn't seem to want to chage her ways. I am still going to the therapy session and I pray she will be there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
I can only say that it is time for you to take care of yourself. It is normal for tx facilities to transfer them out if #1 they are ready to go, #2 the patient signed themselves out and #3 they failed at tx. There is also a HIPAA law and your daughter would have to have signed a release and willing to participate in family therapy sessions (in which they offer) if she is giving permission. She has a right as a patient to say no and the family stays in the dark. However, she has given you plenty of clues as to her not being ready. (i.e contacting old drug friends, manipulating you to come back home, etc.)
I'm proud of you for standing your ground. She has to know what it is you will and will not accept at this point. The more and more you set boundaries, the more and more she will realize that no matter how much she screams, calls you names, etc. she won't be able to penetrate you. Understand that it is the addict that is getting to you, not your daughter. Remind yourself that when she calls you are dealing with an irrational person who needs professional help. As you will see on here, you didn't cause the problem, you can't control it and you surely can't cure it. Take time for yourself and heal your emotional wounds. Go to the therapy session with a different outlook. If she isn't there... don't be surprised. Get something out of the session for yourself. Addicts are like the wind... you never know which way they will blow.... that's why it's best to protect yourself from their elements and damage until they subside back to calm (RECOVERY)!!!
I'm proud of you for standing your ground. She has to know what it is you will and will not accept at this point. The more and more you set boundaries, the more and more she will realize that no matter how much she screams, calls you names, etc. she won't be able to penetrate you. Understand that it is the addict that is getting to you, not your daughter. Remind yourself that when she calls you are dealing with an irrational person who needs professional help. As you will see on here, you didn't cause the problem, you can't control it and you surely can't cure it. Take time for yourself and heal your emotional wounds. Go to the therapy session with a different outlook. If she isn't there... don't be surprised. Get something out of the session for yourself. Addicts are like the wind... you never know which way they will blow.... that's why it's best to protect yourself from their elements and damage until they subside back to calm (RECOVERY)!!!
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Your daughter is 18 which means that she is a legal adult and does not have to have your permission to leave treatment. She also does not have to let you know what is going on and the treatment center must respect her wishes. I really wish the laws would change to 21 not only for kids in treatment but as far as colleges go. I have read statistics that 1 in 4 college students have a substance abuse problem but we parents are in the dark because of the privacy laws. I am sorry that she is pushing your buttons. The first time my daughter went to rehab she only went because she had no other options. Needless to say she only made it 5 days and left AMA (of course I did not know this as they could not give me any info). My daughter needed to spend the next 2+ years in active addiction and to lose everything of importance to her in order to decide that she was ready for treatment. This last time in May she was willing to go to the halfway house and she was willing to do whatever she was told to do to stay clean. It could be that your daughter is not ready yet and it is a good thing for you to say no to her coming home. Coming home when she is not ready to be clean would only be bringing the chaos back to your doorstep. I know how hard it is to let go when you don't know what will happen to your precious daughter. But take it from a mom who has been there it is the only thing that you can do. Letting her feel the full consequences of her addiction will be the only thing that will save her life. Sending prayers your way and lots of mom hugs, Marle
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm afraid I can't offer anything more than what has been said...privacy laws require her consent to allow you information. You truly are doing the most loving thing you can for your daughter by not letting her come home. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but it is true. Mom to mom hugs.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
I agree about the HIPPA, but you should also keep in mind that HIPPA is a one-way street. It may prevent the treatment center from giving you info if she hasn't given that ok, but it doesn *not* prevent you from giving them information. It's probably the codie in me, but I would definitely be letting the counselor know what was going on with her from your perspective, but then let the ball be in the counselor's court from that point about how or even if to use that information.
Good luck to you............and find a local alanon meeting. It will help you keep your feet on the ground and your head from spinning so much!!!
Good luck to you............and find a local alanon meeting. It will help you keep your feet on the ground and your head from spinning so much!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 34
I am fully aware of the HIPAA laws. I just thought they would inform me of their plan to move her. Honestly I think I can get by the HIPPA regulations. I am one of her healthcare professionals besides being her mom. I have not tried to get the info because I felt she may come out with it on her own. She did invite me to her therapy session which would answer alot of questions. If the therapy session does not happen and she leaves treatment, I will play that card. We could use some answers, and I could use some sleep.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Is she an addict or an alcoholic?
In terms of the rest of it, I agree with the comments so far. Until and unless she wants it, nothing will help her. It sounds to me like she wants to go back to her druggie friends right now. I am sorry this is happening but this is the reality. Alanon is a great place for support in addition to SR.com.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
I agree with all of the above comments. Alcohol/Drugs---one in the same effect. Stick to your boundaries, as she doesn't appear to be ready to give it all up. Take care of yourself, try to find Alanon/Naranon meetings...and keep posting.
Lots of Mom to Mom Hugs coming your way.
Chris
Lots of Mom to Mom Hugs coming your way.
Chris
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Hi Kathy306
First may I say how sorry I am that, yet, one more mother has to suffer because of drugs.
I certainly can relate to your phone conversation as have had many, many, of those "shouting matches" with my son over the past years. However, if I have learned anything at all in my time "served" here on this wonderful forum, it is "just don't play their game!"
They love to play the game "push the button!" When the conversation doesn't go the way they planned, they start with the threats, verbal abuse, etc. When that happens, I just hang up. If it rings and it's him/her, I don't pick up.
I found by not playing the game, you take the "p" right out of pleasure for them. It doesn't solve the problems at hand, but it may teach them not to play that game.
I know what worry is, but I also know what a useless energy it is too. In the end, nothing has been gained or learned from worrying. It takes a long time to get out of that habit I know, however, what do you gain except high blood pressure?
The sooner we learn that their fate is in their hands, the sooner they may get well. The more we try, the less they try.
As far as wondering what her problem is, drugs or alcohol,you know for certain it's a problem.
You know Kathy, sometimes it's better not to know all the "gory" details otherwise you just worry more. The best thing you can do at this point is to turn it over to your HP and work on you. You cannot change her, you can only change you. Believe me, they can drag you right down the tubes with them. I know, I'm living proof!
All we can do is let them know we love them and the rest is in their hands.
Prayers coming your way
Hugs, Devastated
I certainly can relate to your phone conversation as have had many, many, of those "shouting matches" with my son over the past years. However, if I have learned anything at all in my time "served" here on this wonderful forum, it is "just don't play their game!"
They love to play the game "push the button!" When the conversation doesn't go the way they planned, they start with the threats, verbal abuse, etc. When that happens, I just hang up. If it rings and it's him/her, I don't pick up.
I found by not playing the game, you take the "p" right out of pleasure for them. It doesn't solve the problems at hand, but it may teach them not to play that game.
I know what worry is, but I also know what a useless energy it is too. In the end, nothing has been gained or learned from worrying. It takes a long time to get out of that habit I know, however, what do you gain except high blood pressure?
The sooner we learn that their fate is in their hands, the sooner they may get well. The more we try, the less they try.
As far as wondering what her problem is, drugs or alcohol,you know for certain it's a problem.
You know Kathy, sometimes it's better not to know all the "gory" details otherwise you just worry more. The best thing you can do at this point is to turn it over to your HP and work on you. You cannot change her, you can only change you. Believe me, they can drag you right down the tubes with them. I know, I'm living proof!
All we can do is let them know we love them and the rest is in their hands.
Prayers coming your way
Hugs, Devastated
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Your daughter must authorize a specific release of information to any health care provider, regardless of who it is. You could ask her to execute the necessary form and she may agree to do so, or not.
I assume your daughter is on your insurance policy and that policy probably has a limit of 28-30 days of treatment. This, more so than anything, tends to drive the course of the treatment plan, unless the family is willing and able to afford out of pocket treatment. People get and stay sober at the Salvation Army and at $2000 a day rehabs. It all depends on how bad someone wants to be and stay sober.
As I see it, you want her to stay in treatment, somewhere and she is playing the ready to bolt card. At this point, it comes down to either letting her go or using any leverage you might have to get her to agree to stay in treatment. Leverage may or may not be sufficient enough for her to decide to continue treatment, or not.
To what extent do you fund her lifestyle? Does she have access to her own funds? Who pays her tuition? Does she have a car? Whose name is on the title of the car? Who pays the insurance/maintenance/fuel? Does she have a cell phone? Who pays the bill? Are you funding a petty cash account for her, in rehab? Where did she get the money for the life she lived?
Will you look back and wonder why you spent so much energy and money on her recovery when she was not committed to it? Or is this an opportunity to catch it, before it becomes a bigger and even more unmanagable situation than it currently is? There are no right or wrongs here and no one who has been in your shoes is going to judge you.
There is no certainty of the outcome if she stays in treatment. Rehab/treatment does not cure addiction/alcoholism. It provides the tools. Will she use those tools or not? No one knows, including her, at this time.
Generally speaking ,12-Step Programs do not have an especially great track record with young adults, especially those who are still running the fantasy of a life without consequences thing, and have not hit bottom. How many 18 year olds can surrender and admit their lives are unmanageable, they are powerless over anything, let alone drugs/alcohol and give it up to a higher power? Know what I mean?
Some of the non 12 step programs are kookie and yet they work for some.
Who is to say what the best approach is for someone else.
Looking back, I think the greatest benefit of rehab/treatment for my daughter was getting that the only outcomes of addiction were prison or death. That some of the people she knew were arrested, inprisoned or died while she was in rehab was also a factor. This however, did not stop her from a brief relapse, following rehab. Most feel they are different- unique, it's not that bad and just this once won't matter. She chose to get sober again. Will she stay sober. I have no idea and there is nothing I can do to compel her to do so. It's one day at a time, for eternity, for her and all who recover.
If you are committed to her staying in a private pay treatment program and can afford to do so, use your leverage and get her involved in choosing the place, ala either/or. Most places will want to conduct some type of interview with her and ascertain that there is some semblance of commitment to sobriety before they will accept her. If they do not do this, that says a lot about the provider, right off the bat.
The hardest part is accepting that it's all up to her. You did not cause it. You cannot control it and you can't cure it. And right now, you don't even know what it is, not that it matters, in the long run.
I assume your daughter is on your insurance policy and that policy probably has a limit of 28-30 days of treatment. This, more so than anything, tends to drive the course of the treatment plan, unless the family is willing and able to afford out of pocket treatment. People get and stay sober at the Salvation Army and at $2000 a day rehabs. It all depends on how bad someone wants to be and stay sober.
As I see it, you want her to stay in treatment, somewhere and she is playing the ready to bolt card. At this point, it comes down to either letting her go or using any leverage you might have to get her to agree to stay in treatment. Leverage may or may not be sufficient enough for her to decide to continue treatment, or not.
To what extent do you fund her lifestyle? Does she have access to her own funds? Who pays her tuition? Does she have a car? Whose name is on the title of the car? Who pays the insurance/maintenance/fuel? Does she have a cell phone? Who pays the bill? Are you funding a petty cash account for her, in rehab? Where did she get the money for the life she lived?
Will you look back and wonder why you spent so much energy and money on her recovery when she was not committed to it? Or is this an opportunity to catch it, before it becomes a bigger and even more unmanagable situation than it currently is? There are no right or wrongs here and no one who has been in your shoes is going to judge you.
There is no certainty of the outcome if she stays in treatment. Rehab/treatment does not cure addiction/alcoholism. It provides the tools. Will she use those tools or not? No one knows, including her, at this time.
Generally speaking ,12-Step Programs do not have an especially great track record with young adults, especially those who are still running the fantasy of a life without consequences thing, and have not hit bottom. How many 18 year olds can surrender and admit their lives are unmanageable, they are powerless over anything, let alone drugs/alcohol and give it up to a higher power? Know what I mean?
Some of the non 12 step programs are kookie and yet they work for some.
Who is to say what the best approach is for someone else.
Looking back, I think the greatest benefit of rehab/treatment for my daughter was getting that the only outcomes of addiction were prison or death. That some of the people she knew were arrested, inprisoned or died while she was in rehab was also a factor. This however, did not stop her from a brief relapse, following rehab. Most feel they are different- unique, it's not that bad and just this once won't matter. She chose to get sober again. Will she stay sober. I have no idea and there is nothing I can do to compel her to do so. It's one day at a time, for eternity, for her and all who recover.
If you are committed to her staying in a private pay treatment program and can afford to do so, use your leverage and get her involved in choosing the place, ala either/or. Most places will want to conduct some type of interview with her and ascertain that there is some semblance of commitment to sobriety before they will accept her. If they do not do this, that says a lot about the provider, right off the bat.
The hardest part is accepting that it's all up to her. You did not cause it. You cannot control it and you can't cure it. And right now, you don't even know what it is, not that it matters, in the long run.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 34
Thanks for all of your support. I actually spoke with her therapist twice today. I found out alot...and I mean alot. I have been told of multiple rapes, that she is now a cutter and loads more. I was told about the Marchment Act that I can have enforced against her. To make a long story short my daughter is self medicating and she knows she has a problem. I have committed to another 30 days of treatment as much of her issues are psychiatric. I did not have to use the Marchment Act but I know it it there if I need to it is available to us. Wish me well for Thursday...wish I were not going alone. Thanks everyone...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Wish me well for Thursday...wish I were not going alone. Thanks everyone...[/QUOTE]
You aren't going alone. Know that all you have read and the support you get here will be waiting for you when you return.
Good Luck on Thursday. You're in my prayers. :ghug
You aren't going alone. Know that all you have read and the support you get here will be waiting for you when you return.
Good Luck on Thursday. You're in my prayers. :ghug
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Great news, Kathy.
I did not realize that Florida had a progressive involuntary treatment law. Given the incredible number of rehabs there, it's no wonder.
My daughter has had self abuse issues for quite some time, too. She also disclosed to her therapist, in rehab, that that she had been raped several times, too. It blew me away. All substance abusers are self medicating physical and/or emotional pain.
Months later, after returning home, she told me she made it all up. One of the other girls in rehab ( a frequent repeat customer) told her to do so because it gets therapists off on a PTS disorder thing and out of their real business. She was quite proud of herself for pulling it off and she did. I think this blew me away more than the original claim.
Guard your heart and take care of yourself. You are going through a lot, right now. You will get through Thursday. That's what moms do.
I did not realize that Florida had a progressive involuntary treatment law. Given the incredible number of rehabs there, it's no wonder.
My daughter has had self abuse issues for quite some time, too. She also disclosed to her therapist, in rehab, that that she had been raped several times, too. It blew me away. All substance abusers are self medicating physical and/or emotional pain.
Months later, after returning home, she told me she made it all up. One of the other girls in rehab ( a frequent repeat customer) told her to do so because it gets therapists off on a PTS disorder thing and out of their real business. She was quite proud of herself for pulling it off and she did. I think this blew me away more than the original claim.
Guard your heart and take care of yourself. You are going through a lot, right now. You will get through Thursday. That's what moms do.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
My heart breaks for what you daughter has gone through and for what you are both going through now....hopefully she will realize that she is where she needs to be to heal and get past the need to self-medicate.
My prayers are with you both :praying
HG
My prayers are with you both :praying
HG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: hollywood florida
Posts: 34
Thanks again for your reponses. SIB's (self injurious behavior) is not foreign to me as I do work in the pyschiatric field. It is just shocking to have my own child partake in it. She evidently was not forthcoming with the information. They found cuts on her. In speaking with her therapist I was really impressed. We had sent her to therapists before we even knew of any drug or alcohol problems and the all sucked...making excuses for our daughter instead of realizing she had a problem. 30 days ago I thought my child just went overboard with the college partying...now I know we have a serious life threatening problem we ned to deal with. It is unbelievable how fast this whole thing has spiraled...I have not shared any of the new information with my 2 other college kids. How much info did all of you share with the siblings?
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
It's a family disease Kathy, and the entire family has been and will be affected. Don't know the relationship between this daughter and the other two siblings, but I'm sure they are already suffering some effects from their sister's addiction.
My thought would be to tell them what is going on. They may already know more than you think or know. I'm sure you can determine just how much and in what increments you'd like to reveal what is going on, but eventually you're going to have to tell them anyway.
I was always the queen of denial, just didn't want to deal with things. And if I didn't talk about it, then maybe it would go ago. But recovery has sure taught me differently. I've learned it's better for me and my family if we go ahead and face the difficult issues. It's only after we face them that we can began to work on the issues and start to heal.
My prayers are with you and your daughter, especially thinking of you on Thursday.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
My thought would be to tell them what is going on. They may already know more than you think or know. I'm sure you can determine just how much and in what increments you'd like to reveal what is going on, but eventually you're going to have to tell them anyway.
I was always the queen of denial, just didn't want to deal with things. And if I didn't talk about it, then maybe it would go ago. But recovery has sure taught me differently. I've learned it's better for me and my family if we go ahead and face the difficult issues. It's only after we face them that we can began to work on the issues and start to heal.
My prayers are with you and your daughter, especially thinking of you on Thursday.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Kathy, the only thing I can add is to try and remember when she screams at you, she's acting out just like a little girl. I'm sure you already know that but when it's happening it's easy to forget sometimes. Without her substance of choice masking her pain, she's emotionally raw right now, facing things she's refused to deal with before. What you've described, stacked on top of detox and withdrawals, is an awful lot for an 18 year old to handle and it breaks my heart for all of you.
Right now it sounds like you're fighting harder for her recovery than she is, and I did that with my RAD too. I don't regret it one bit and even with the knowledge I've gained since then, I'd do it all over again. I knew I couldn't fix her but I made sure I provided every possible resource so she could begin to help herself. After that, I focused all that determination on myself and it wasn't a moment too soon.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Right now it sounds like you're fighting harder for her recovery than she is, and I did that with my RAD too. I don't regret it one bit and even with the knowledge I've gained since then, I'd do it all over again. I knew I couldn't fix her but I made sure I provided every possible resource so she could begin to help herself. After that, I focused all that determination on myself and it wasn't a moment too soon.
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Orange County, NY
Posts: 116
Kathy,
(((hugs))) to you. My son is 23 and in treatment in your area as a matter of fact. I know what you are going through. We sent him down there in September and he's still there. This was the second time we did rehab. The first was in our area for 21 days (insurance stopped paying) and although my son stated he wasn't ready to leave, and I was willing to pay for more treatment, they said he had to leave eventually. He was clearly not ready, he relapsed shortly after, came back to people, places and things, and his addiction became worse in a little over a month.
I know when he got down there, he pleaded to come home. I have a good relationship with him, so his therapists told me I needed to tell him, if he left, he could no longer come home. He had to complete the program first. I had to say it, and he accepted it, but did not actively participate in the program much for the first two months, it was only after they booted him out, for four days dropping him off at a homeless shelter in Pompano Beach, and left him to fend for himself, and after he asked if I could send him 20 dollars for something to eat, and I said no, that I think he truly realized this was the deal, this is what would happen to him, if he did not accept recovery. He's been doing good since he got back there, working the program, and is now accepted that he is there for the duration (I hope).
It's been a long road for us, and my heart goes out to you. Come and vent all you want.
(((hugs))) to you. My son is 23 and in treatment in your area as a matter of fact. I know what you are going through. We sent him down there in September and he's still there. This was the second time we did rehab. The first was in our area for 21 days (insurance stopped paying) and although my son stated he wasn't ready to leave, and I was willing to pay for more treatment, they said he had to leave eventually. He was clearly not ready, he relapsed shortly after, came back to people, places and things, and his addiction became worse in a little over a month.
I know when he got down there, he pleaded to come home. I have a good relationship with him, so his therapists told me I needed to tell him, if he left, he could no longer come home. He had to complete the program first. I had to say it, and he accepted it, but did not actively participate in the program much for the first two months, it was only after they booted him out, for four days dropping him off at a homeless shelter in Pompano Beach, and left him to fend for himself, and after he asked if I could send him 20 dollars for something to eat, and I said no, that I think he truly realized this was the deal, this is what would happen to him, if he did not accept recovery. He's been doing good since he got back there, working the program, and is now accepted that he is there for the duration (I hope).
It's been a long road for us, and my heart goes out to you. Come and vent all you want.
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