I never thought letting go would feel this good
Perfectly Imperfect
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: H
Posts: 129
I never thought letting go would feel this good
So I've been coming on here since mid July. I had fallen in love with a drug addict and came here as a means to cope. The relationship brought me to places of pain I didn't know existed. I longed for relief, for an end to all the madness. Time and time again, my friends on SR advised me to let go. I couldn't do that. I became not only a codependent and an enabler but also, a cocaine addict. I held on tighter and tighter until his addiction literally took everything from me except for my breath and it almost took that.
I finally was able to physically and mentally let go and I've never felt better in my life. Once I realized what I wanted in my life and that what I wanted included only healthy things and people, letting him go was easy.
I realized that this was "HIS" illness, not mine and that if he truly wanted to get better, he needed to do that on his own. I also realized that all the qualities I loved about him, I instill in myself. I find those qualities in me, my friends and my family. The only thing I couldn't give myself was the snuggling affection and I've found other ways to do that. I give myself something greater.....health and happiness and when you have that, you don't need the snuggling.
I've taken my life back and I'm proud of how far I've come in such a short time. I couldn't have done it without all of the supports in my life, that I am sure of. Yes, I had the strength to do it on my own but the support and the advice pulled me through.
I would just like to thank everyone on here for posting their stories and for being there when I needed a shoulder to cry one. Even though we may be miles apart or states apart, I know this will always be a place where I have family.
A place where I can share my story with others who have walked in similar shoes, lend an ear, say a prayer or give something to laugh about.
When I look at all of the hurt and pain I went through, I am grateful. I'm grateful that I got low enough to reach out and get help. I'm grateful that this experience has brought out the best of me....things I always dreamed about and wanted in my life are now clearer than ever.....and now, instead of dreaming about them, I am living them.
Hugs and Prayers to all of you struggling with the addiction of a loved one or your own addiction. I keep you all close in my heart and pray everyday for you to find comfort, health and happiness when you need it the most.
Love,
Heather
I finally was able to physically and mentally let go and I've never felt better in my life. Once I realized what I wanted in my life and that what I wanted included only healthy things and people, letting him go was easy.
I realized that this was "HIS" illness, not mine and that if he truly wanted to get better, he needed to do that on his own. I also realized that all the qualities I loved about him, I instill in myself. I find those qualities in me, my friends and my family. The only thing I couldn't give myself was the snuggling affection and I've found other ways to do that. I give myself something greater.....health and happiness and when you have that, you don't need the snuggling.
I've taken my life back and I'm proud of how far I've come in such a short time. I couldn't have done it without all of the supports in my life, that I am sure of. Yes, I had the strength to do it on my own but the support and the advice pulled me through.
I would just like to thank everyone on here for posting their stories and for being there when I needed a shoulder to cry one. Even though we may be miles apart or states apart, I know this will always be a place where I have family.
A place where I can share my story with others who have walked in similar shoes, lend an ear, say a prayer or give something to laugh about.
When I look at all of the hurt and pain I went through, I am grateful. I'm grateful that I got low enough to reach out and get help. I'm grateful that this experience has brought out the best of me....things I always dreamed about and wanted in my life are now clearer than ever.....and now, instead of dreaming about them, I am living them.
Hugs and Prayers to all of you struggling with the addiction of a loved one or your own addiction. I keep you all close in my heart and pray everyday for you to find comfort, health and happiness when you need it the most.
Love,
Heather
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Beautifully put Heather! Thank you. It is wonderful to hear of your progress; I'm so glad you are taking such positive steps in your life. Letting go is something that happens when someone is ready....and I'm grateful you were ready to take back your life!
Hugs and I wish you continued growth and happiness--
Hugs and I wish you continued growth and happiness--
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Congratulations from me too, Heather.
Your post reminds me of the saying from Shankshaw Redemption...we can get busy living or get busy dying. The gentler version of this that I like is "we can live in the problem or live in the solution" because I know, for me, that it took recovery for me to start living again.
Welcome back to a healthier place. I know the journey wasn't easy for you, but I promise you it's probably the best journey you will ever make.
Hugs
Your post reminds me of the saying from Shankshaw Redemption...we can get busy living or get busy dying. The gentler version of this that I like is "we can live in the problem or live in the solution" because I know, for me, that it took recovery for me to start living again.
Welcome back to a healthier place. I know the journey wasn't easy for you, but I promise you it's probably the best journey you will ever make.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Thank you for inspireing me-
I pray that I can come to a place where you are right now. I pray that I can heal. I pray that I don't go backwards.
SR has been an huge help to me as well.....
Thankyou for letting me know it can be done, and that the support here really helped you as well.
Love,
Cessy
I pray that I can come to a place where you are right now. I pray that I can heal. I pray that I don't go backwards.
SR has been an huge help to me as well.....
Thankyou for letting me know it can be done, and that the support here really helped you as well.
Love,
Cessy
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Marietta, GA
Posts: 1,453
Its so good to hear you feeling this way. I had that "aha" moment about a year ago. I walked outside early in the morning when the sun was just rising and the lyrics to the song Feeling Good just poured through my head - I knew then I was going to be okay. These words mean so much to me and its one of those songs i play when i need to remember that feeling
Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin on by you know how I feel
Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel
Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, dont you know
Butterflies all havin fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
Thats what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good
Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin on by you know how I feel
Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel
Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, dont you know
Butterflies all havin fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
Thats what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good
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