howareyounow

Even after a rough day (AH visited the children).
He still keeps on saying..."Maybe one day we can be together again"
He has agreed to giving me full custody of the kids.
He is still taking the methdone. He's going to ask the DR. to fax me the results of his drug testing. He has agreed to drug testing every week to see the kids forever.
(how expensive is that going to be? (canada)!!!!!!!!!!!!is that even possible?)
He's started looking for a job, even asked if I could pack another suitcase for him with his 'work clothes'.
I will not get back together. But should I REALLY SCREAM that it is over.
I say it is and he moved out and i'm going to the lawyers etc...
He says He KNOWS it's over but he wants/needs to hope that maybe one day....
Do I take away his hope? THis soon?
Should I just let it fade and maybe he'll be ok with it? If he looses hope will he give up the fight?

hope213

his recovery is his recovery. stay in the day & do not worry about what will happen or not happen tomorrow. there is no need to tell him you are not taking him back anymore. your actions will speak for you.keep coming back & let me know how it is going with you.
hugs & prayers, hope

Hangin' In

I'm with hope213. No need for you to say anything more. You've already said it and your actions will prove you mean what you say.

It's up to him to go forth in his recovery. That has nothing to do with whether you tell him you're in or you're out. Just keep the focus on you and doing what is best for you.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

NeedingHelp7

I've heard it many times over. He'll want to keep you hanging on a thread of hope. He has a lot to do before an important decision like that can be made.

First thing, he has stole much from you. He could start by getting recovery, getting a job, paying you back all he stole (this would be restitution). He would have much proving himself to do. This could take a long long time. The question is could you wait, knowing nothing is guaranteed?

Protect you and your children for now, making no decisions about him.

Blackrose56

You don't have to take away his hope. You just don't respond. Nobody knows what will happen. I still "hope" that some day my ex finds recovery and we can start again. But I move forward. I live my life and I'm trying again to "let it go". A good friend of mine who is a recovering addict herself divorced her husband 10 years ago when she got into recovery. She moved on with her life, has even had other relationships, but still felt he was the one true love. She moved on, let go and prayed every day he would find recovery. After NINE years, he got clean and sober. On his 1 year anniversary she called to take him to dinner. She is seeing him now on HER terms. She is not rushing into anything as she says he STILL has addict behaviors, but she has not closed the door. She takes it "one day at a time". So, I would if anything tell him "one day at a time".