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My Husband has characteristics of a meth user and I need your help/advice?

Old 12-29-2008, 07:55 AM
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Question My Husband has characteristics of a meth user and I need your help/advice?

Hello!
Ok, where do I start? I have been married for 26 years and have 3 sons whom this is also affecting. He can be a wonderful husband, father, son, brother, friend etc. We are living on an emotional roller coaster and I am wanting to get off this ride!! I have been to many doctors, classes, support groups etc. I have been dealing with this forever!! There are so many memories (good and bad) and I am always hopeful that this too shall pass. My husband will have days of go go go and little sleep and then sleeps for days and boy look out if you wake him up! Also he really tries to crush your heart by saying such awful things and then he is as nice as pie. Just when I think things are getting better and life is going to return to normal (what I know to be normal) then poof the joy is gone. We may get a few things done around the house by him but then there are those days where the earth will fall apart around him and he would not even know it was going on. I am so unhappy, lonely, feeling ignored and I am capable of having a wonderful life and deserve it. I am a wonderful mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, etc. I have had my faults and have and will deal with them but nothing like what my husband is going through. I really want everything to be good but as I have read and learned I can only take care of myself and of course my children which they are growing up fast and I do not want this to happen to them. I need your help and advice as to how I can get out of this without loosing everything that I have earned and is still left?
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Old 12-29-2008, 08:36 AM
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First of all, welcome to SR! I am a recovering meth user, and I was also married to a meth user. I also have a 30 year old addicted daughter who has used many drugs, meth included, and that is the one she did the most jail time over.

For me, I had to walk away lock, stock, and barrel from the meth-using husband because he was violent and psychotic. There was no easing out of it.

Now that I look back, anything that was left behind when I divorced him was well worth the peace of mind in knowing that I never had to go back to that again.
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Old 12-29-2008, 08:54 AM
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Welcome Bubbles! Im glad you came here. Everyone is so supportive. I also had a relationship with a meth user. I had to end it as well. He wasn't willing to get any help for himself though he knew he had a problem. It was definitely a roller coaster. He was my oldest daughters father and she saw the pain he went through. He didn't live with us but she did go to his house for visition with her grandparents and he was there sometimes. I thought seeing this would deter her from ever getting started with drugs but sadly she got involved with crack/cocaine. She is 18 now and off drugs, but went through her own hell. I have a addiction to prescription medication.

In your post you say you "think he has characteristics of a meth user". Do you know for sure that he is using meth? The symptoms you are describing could also be a number of mental health issues.

I am glad you posted and hope you continue to post. There are so many people here who will be able to support you.

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Old 12-29-2008, 09:12 AM
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I too was wondering if there were other things, those are signs of meth use but also signs of other things also. Have you talked to him about this? Has he gone to any doctors? I see you have, but has he?

Bottom line, I would say is if you are that unhappy, time to make some drastic changes.
You can't change him or control him, you can only make change happen for yourself.

Welcome to SR! glad you are here!!!
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Old 12-29-2008, 09:27 AM
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In the long run the damage from jumping off the roller coaster is going to be less than staying on. We hold on for dear life thinking we're going to loose something if we get off but what we never realize while we're going through it is that we're actually loosing it all by staying on.
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Old 12-29-2008, 12:18 PM
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Hello! Wife of a recovering meth addict here. That sounds very similar to my husband when he was using. But, as others said, it could be other things.

Is there any evidence you've found? smells? items? more details?
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Old 12-30-2008, 02:23 PM
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Bubbles

My niece lived with my husband and I and I did not know she was a meth addict. I lived for 1-1/2 years with insanity before I found out. During that time I had her to doctors, psychiatrists, etc. In the end we found a meth pipe in her room.

All I can offer is that if I ever found myself in a similar situation (someone's behavior is bizzarre and I don't know the cause), I would set boundaries. For me that would be, get help or get out.

Adults are responsible for thier behavior and whether it's mental illness, physical illness or drugs, adults living together (married or not) have the duty to live in a way that does not create an unstable, untenable situation for the other.

I have a brother with schizoprenia, a sister who is bipolar and many with depression. They all manage thier illnesses in partnership with their doctor and medication. They live with others peacefully and are open about thier diagnosis and medications. My meth-addicted niece, however, refused to see a doctor and was very secretive when she did finally go (wonder why?).

So, all I can say is that illness or addiction, adults are still responsible to manage thier own life. There is help if they want it and if they don't want it, no amount of "help" will matter.

Apologies if any of this sounded too harsh. God Bless! Prayers that you find a way to end the madness.
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