betz56

Hi everyone. I'm new to the forum and have been reading a few posts here and there and have already found some answers I have been looking for, but would like some further advice or support from people who are in my shoes so here it goes....
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. Two months ago he was arrested for possession of meth. That is when it my fears of suspecting he was on meth was confirmed. I like to see myself as very level headed, well rounded, undertanding and smart, but after this I feel that all went out the window. I knew something was not right with him. I have always been very anti drug, never wanted to try it, not even weed or cigarettes. The only thing I do is drink when I go out. When I met my boyfriend, he smoked weed and I knew a couple years before I met him he use to go to raves and do E. he didn't do any of that as far as I know after we got together and after the first 6 moths he stopped smoking weed. A couple of times I found a pipe and cut straws in his pant pockets and as time went on, his financial situation got to be really bad. Come to find out he has been doing meth on and off for 6 years....2 years before we got together. Right before he was arrested, I was going to break up with him. I am 26 years old and my goal right now is to complete my BA, get my house, and start a family and he just did not fit into that picture anymore, but right now I am here for him mainly for support. He comes from a loving family, has a great 5 year old son, HAD good friends. Sorry so long, but here is the gist of it. At this point, he has already stayed 30 days in a residential treatment home, he is currently in a sober living environment and gets tested every so often and attends meeting very frequently. I have noticed a great change in him all around as I think he has noticed in himself as well. His moods are better, he has energy, he takes care of business, he talks about his fears, anxiety...he actually has feelings, but I am fully aware he is in a controlled environment right now. My biggest fear is him relapsing. I am trying to be supportive and I think I'm doing a great job at it, but if he relapses, I know I'll be angry and resentful. As I read in some other posts, I have to decide on what I can live with and ultimately that is what matters, but I feel like I am so unguided in this situation. There is no one I can talk to close to me who can help me sort out my scattered thoughts and feelings because they don't understand. I know there are no "answers", but I need something of substance to help guide me in my decision. I am mad that he was able to hide this for so long, but through meetings and counseling, I know it was the drug who made him that way. I am also trying not to cross the fine line of being educated and understanding to just being blinded and stupid. Before this our biggest issue was money and now I know why, I guess I'm hoping that if he can overcome his addiction things will be the way they were suppose to be and the way we planned. I understand addiction is a lifelong struggle and I have to be prepared to commit to that. Any comments would be much appreciated.

ANGELINA243

What are you willing to risk by staying in the relationship? It is good to hear that he seems to be doing well......my concern--he had to be arrested first. Is he doing this for himself or perhaps because a judge might be forcing him to seek help (if that is the case). If he is serious about getting clean--great! If you do stay by his side and try to work on this relationship I might suggest seeking help for yourself through Alanon or Naranon. Keep posting here at SR also.

betz56

I appreciate the response. Your concern is completely valid as he IS in rehab becasue it's what he needs to do to avoid jail time. The only thing that make sme not question that so much is how willing he has been to do everything. He loves going to his meetings, he has met great people, he has been really positive and has not once complained about how much he hates rehab.Thank you for suggesting Naranon. Sounds stupid, but I know about Alanon since it is so common, but didn't know what the one for narcotics was called. I looked online and found some meetings I will probably go to. The support is great and just being in these forums makes me feel so not alone. Everything is so new, I honestly don't know what I'm wiling to sacrifice. I can only wait and see what happens and go with my gut, I just have to make sure I actually listen to it this time.

hope213

welcome to S.R. I AM GLAD YOU HAVE FOUND US. THERE IS ALOT OF SUPPOST HERE FOR YOU. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE. living with an addict is a hard road. keep reading. & keep coming back. we all have been where you are. prayers for you both,