OhBrother

Some people have mentioned the almost magical ability to lie that addicts have. I swear, my sister can come up with the most elaborate, believable stories right on the spot. And if you point out something that doesn't make sense, she's got an answer for that too.
I swear if I had a week to come up with a similar lie, I couldn't make one half as convincing.
They are able to weave together lies, a little bit of truth, and a little bit of what you want to hear that makes it exhausting to unravel. It seems like more than just being delusional...its like they have some kind of super-heightened perception of what will fool others. I'd love to read some kind of actual study on that sometime.

cassandra2

Thank you all for your replies. I had to write stuff that the A was saying the other day just to keep my own sanity. Over the course of 2 days it was my fault that he didnt have money to buy a car then it was my fault that he couldnt move into an apartment on the first cause I didnt give him money I owed him.

I started to write stuff down, not for him but for me. To keep my own sanity. I kept second guessing myself....did he say that? didnt he say this or that? After I wrote it all down it became very clear that he was just quack quack quacking and it was all BS.

BayAreaPhoenix

Good Job! Do what you need to do to keep your head clear!

(((hugs)))

Abundance

I too have been writing things down.... and it's been helping. I think this thread also fall into the similar fact of addiction being a family disease and how (we) - not the addict - are just as sick if not sicker than our addicts.

Here is a good website I use from time to time....

Lying and Infidelity in Romantic Relationships - Truth About Deception

Good for your processing through all of this.... but be sure to always go back to your center to your self... you own being.....

Hugs xoxoo

lizw

I heard a lady who'd been in Al Anon along time say this..
It was pretty funny, just cause of how she said it.

It was her turn to share and she says,
"Well. I've been coming here for awhile now
and I've learnt a lot. Is anyone intersted in hearing
how to tell if their alcoholic/addict is lying?"
We all nod. And she says
"If their lips are moving, their probably lying."
Of coursed we all laughed ourselves sick because it's true
and I think it has a deep meaning, that being we're dealing
with a disease. It's nothing personal, even though it feels like it.

Addicts and alcoholics drink and they use and they make bad choices.
They do them because that's just what alcoholics and addicts do.
We've no control over them or their disease. Control is illusion.

But we can change the things we can, which is us and one of
those things, is we can stop going to them and expecting them
to give us something they just don't have to give.
I.e. If I walk past a house I know has a vicious dog and it comes out
and bites me 90% of the time - maybe it's time to stop walking past and
take a different route....

Ann

I used to tell my son that where there was one lie, there was no truth.

If they tell lies even some of the time, we have no way of telling what is true and what is a lie.

To me, if someone wants to be believed, they need to earn that trust by being truthful all the time.

Hugs

jerect

Reguarding lies:

I have always found that eventually the truth always always comes out...

I used to spend every waking hour trying to catch my AH in a lie.. whew, what exhausting work that was.. And then when I caught him in the lie which was usually the case.. I had no idea what to do with the lie because he would tell more lies to cover up his first lie... Insanity....

It was only after letting it go and putting my faith in my HP that I started to see the truths unfold before my eyes.. You see, I truly believe that my HP will show me what I need to know and when I need to know it.. he has never failed me yet.

chez1

This is a way of life for addicts/alcoholics. It is part of their lifestyle. This is who they become. They lie, manipulation, guilt trip you, beg, borrow, steal if necessary. So why take it that they will change this.

It takes a long time to restore one's self esteem and an even longer time to start to believe that those closest to you listen to what you have to say.

Hope and pray for them. There is nothing better in this world than to be able to believe in someone we love and care for. This alone restores our faith in them and this is what we lose as they get in deeper into addiction.

winnie12

Funny but i stopped wanting to know the truth with my AS. I got tired of finding things out because they just made me worry so much and caused so much turmoil. Other parents were so happy to call me up and tell me what they heard or saw my son doing and sometimes i just felt like - I was having a nice day why did you have to ruin it with something i have no control over.

Now that he's trying to get clean he's always wanting to confess things and I just tell him not to tell me - I really dont want to know anymore than I already do.

cece1960

For me, this is perhaps one of the strongest signs of my recovery. Not so long ago we had a serious incident and lets just say I made it VERY clear that I would no longer be participating in the gossip and the invasion of privacy that results when someone stumbles.

Live

Once again thank you for this thread and for every share.
I am finding it a powerful healing thread in my own life.

Later I wish to come back and write down many of the things said here.

I would not have made the baby step advances I have been able to make without the wisdom in this thread, which is so well put.

I, too, have been writing down the things said to me...it helps reality sink into my heart and consciousness.

My deepest gratitude to each of you.
Thank you very much.
Special thanks to Cassandra for the thread.
And to SR for making such things possible and available.

My current focus is on having compassion for myself.

hugs,
Tena