katie44

Friday nite my spouse and I were sleeping. My spouse heard the electronic lock opening to the front door. By the time my husband got dressed and downstairs AS was putting our vehicle keys back on the table. Turns out his ID was in our vehicle ( that is the truth). He claimed he needed it to get in to a bar at 12:30 am. My spouse told him to get out, he had some kid with him waiting outside. Both were pretty high. We told him he wasnt coming in our house and both get going. AS said he tried to call the house but no answer so he took it upon himself just to show up. After he left it dawned on me I always lock my purse and cheque book in the vehicle. Just a habit even though he no longer lives in our home. I panicked and thought my bank card was missing. I drove around like a maniac and found him sitting outside the closest bar. There was a police car sitting in the parking lot. I opened the truck window and started yelling Ive been robbed. My son nearly had a heart attack he came over to the vehicle and said "mom look in your purse again it must be there" it was ,I felt like a fool.
Saturday I am out shopping forgot about the cheque book, realized it was there lo and behold I look two missing cheques. I put stop payments on them.
Yesterday they were cashed through my account and the money was put back in. Some kid filled out the cheques and signed the back, but it AS signature on the front. Unbelievable he has now graduated to ripping me off at my home while Im in bed. I am going to the police station tonite to press charges, have to buy a new lock and get a restraing order.
He has done so much, it never ceases to amaze me what they will do for money. The look of him sitting on that bench will be forever embedded in my mind. Skinny, dilated eyes, not a care in the world. In the meantime he had my cheques in his pocket, and I never thought of that. They have a way of making you think your crazy. I must have looked like a lunatic in my pjamas yelling out the window. He called today and I confronted him of course he didnt do it. A comnpulsive liar, I dont think he knows the difference between truth and a lie. I truly hope this time he goes to jail. I know it will not help him in his recovery but atleast I know he wont be dead somewhere. The nerve to rip me off in the middle of the nite. Actually makes me very nervous. Also his drug addict friends he has met down town know where I live. I truly am waiting to go to work one day and come home and our house has been ransacked. Im sorry this is so long . Has anyone else had this happen?

ANGELINA243

Sorry to hear about that--but drugs do have a way of taking over the addict (which by no means excuses your son's behavior.) What he did was wrong and he should be punished for it. I have had people break into my home and take things for the purpose of selling/getting cash....I knew who did it--but couldn't prove it. Years later--one of the individuals called me at home and tried to make amends...they were in a recovery program by that point...anyway--they did admit fault that they had a part in it..they answered my questions honestly....they did seem sincere. They admitted to being on drugs at the time. You need to do whatever you need to do to protect yourself--changing locks, restraining order, etc. My heart goes out to you. You are definitely not alone.

beegee

Katie,
So sorry you had to go through all that. It is a horrible feeling to be robbed and even worse when your own flesh and blood is doing it.
It was very hard to come to the point of realizing that my RAD was taking me for the biggest ride of my life. Checks, money, credit cards, jewerly even my moms paintings.
I don't expect to ever get any of it back and that hurts. But she is doing good now so far going over 4 months clean and I am very happy for her. But I don't keep any jewerly I have left here, and I keep an eye on my purse all the time. Because always in the past when I least expected it Bam she took everything. So now even though she is trying hard I believe and doing well I still worry inside. I kinda feel guilty feeling that way but better safe then sorry again. She lives with me which is easier to watch then your son breaking in in the night.
It does break your heart what they do and the sad thing is the damage is not replaceable with somethings, like being robbed from a stranger. it is gone forever. You aren't alone, many here have been through it again and again. Prayers for you..

caileesnana

yes, it happened to me several times. I was sleeping with my eyes open, purse under my head fearing AD would come in and kill me. One of my more insane moments.

They will lie, cheat and steal, they don't care while under the influence. I filed charges 3 times on my own daughter. I would on anyone else who stole from me, why not her.

sorry anyone has to go through this, especially a mom.

prayers for you and your son,
susan

littlebird77

just to let you know if another kid signed the back of the checks then your son will not get in trouble. Even if he is the one who stole them. I had this happen to me where my ABF took my check and gave this guy on the street half if he signed it... yes, they are very smart. Turns out that the other guy got in trouble, and ABF got out of it... though he is in jail now for other reasons, so karma will set in.

Impurrfect

(((Katie)))

I'm so sorry you are going through this agan. I'm glad you realized the checks were gone and put a stop payment on them.

It just sux that you can't feel safe in your own home, and worse that it's your own child.

Do what you need to do, and keep pressing charges when he screws up. Once you get the protection order in, if he calls you, document it, as it is a violation (if you have the order written up that way).

You're doing a good job of taking care of you...keep it up.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

NeedingHelp7

Katie, my AS stole from me every chance he got to my purse. There came a time when I had to sleep with my purse, and I still do, only because of the fear of someone coming in in the middle of the night. Back in Aug. was the last straw when YS and I came home to a cell phone on the couch. I checked it thinking it was one of his friends, but it didn't look like a teenagers phone when I looked at it. I called a # on it to see if I could find the owner to it. A woman answered I told her I had found this phone in my home and did she know who owned it? She said yes, it was her husbands cell phone, it was stolen out of his car, which was parked in their driveway a few days prior. I was in shock, but she was so happy because the phone was found, and their car wasn't stolen. She said her husband had left the keys in the ignition!!!!! She said her husband had learned a big lesson from it. They didn't want to press charges. Her husband, an elderly man, came to pick up the phone the next morning. He asked me if I had found the charger to it. I said no, but would look in AS's bedroom. I went to his room, looked under the mattress, and there was another cell phone!!!!! He also had a few broken up tracfones, and many chargers in a shoe box. I called the police!!!! I turned all the phones over to them.
Aug. 23rd, he spent a few weeks in jail, not for the phones, because none of them were reported stolen so they just took them in their custody, but he did violate probation. When he was sitting in court, the court called me at home and granted me an Order of Prot. against him at that moment. I haven't seen him since.

It's difficult katie, but you have to do the right thing. Hopefully it will save his soul from doing it again.

NH7

BigSis

If that is the lowest addiction takes him, count yourself lucky. It is not HIS wish to steal from you, that is the addiction in his brain.

MY kid has values and morals. She is honest and forthright. She is kind and generous.

And she has sold everything and stolen thousands more to serve that addiction that possesses her. She will not/can not stop until the pain of using becomes greater than the perceived pain of staying sober.

She has some clean time under her belt, but was still drawn back into the culture and the drug. She walked out on two babies that she adores... without a backward glance. What I KNOW is that part of her believes she is doing them a favor, and another part is relieved to no longer have the sole responsibility. But her maternal instincts were not enough to keep her sober, her marriage vows were not enough to keep her sober, her values, desires, morals... none of that is enough.

She will find her own personal bottom... and I pray it can be soon, but I fear it will be later.



So.... your son stole checks from you. I am sorry for the inconvenience that recovering the money will cost you - and sadly, it may one of many inconveniences and pains that addiction will bring.

You learned some stuff from this - you have to be more aware, more protective. Hiding your purse in the truck was a good start, but now you will have to figure out another place for the purse (and the truck keys). Perhaps change the locks on the house doors? And be sure to keep the windows locked.

Addicts steal from US, their families, first - because they count on us not going to the police. They know most of us will just absorb the loss, and they will "only" have to deal with our anger and disgust.... rather than jail.

Good for you for pressing charges, getting the lock and filing the order. These things are only rational means to protect yourself.

What I also know, is that the night before my kid got sober for an extended period of time - I had no clue. She did not look particularly worse than "normal", she didn't break down and cry and sob ... she just went out and got high. Then decided the next day she was done. At least for a year or so. So I know that tomorrow my kid might make the same choice for her own reasons, and that I won't see it coming. So I can't give up hope, I just can't plan on when it might happen.


Please know you and your beautiful son are in my prayers.

painter

Dear Katie44.
My heart breaks for you and what you are going through. I know what you are going though. I have been robbed and it is such a violation. But when our children do it to us it is something completly different. It is like they are stealing our souls. Our babies taking from us when they are the ones that we would give our lives for. My AD has stolen over 10,000 from me and taken stuff to sell, etc. Sure I sure could use that money now, but it is more that she took my heart and spit on it, and that I can not replace. Sorry that you have to go thru this, prayers for you and your son.

outtolunch

What's that old line about the difference between an alcoholic and an addict?

An alcoholic will deny stealing your (fill in the blank). The addict will help you look for it.

Remember, this too shall pass.

sleepygoat

I know so well the awful sense of violation, betrayal, anger, disbelief, rage, sorrow, fear...

My AD stole from my purse for close to a year and i kept thinking I was absent minded and must have spent more $ than I thought. then she took note of and remembered my PIN number for my ATM card and started stealing the card out of my wallet while i slept and robbed our checking account numerous times. we finally figured it out when we spoke with the bank who kept records of the exact times withdrawals were made at the ATM - and we (my husband and i) knew we had not made withdrawals at those times on those days. She stole over $2000 worth of DVD's and CD's from us to sell as used for a fraction of the value. she did the check book thing and we did catch those just in time, like you. Then there was a credit card that she purchased drugs with over the internet -my husband is still fighting with Chase about that one s his credit score has been negatively effected because of it...
All of this was when she lived with us, and we did throw her out, but the damage was done.
In the 2 years since then, she has alternated between apology and rationalization about it. Somehow, she feels that its more Ok to steal from your parents than from a stranger. Of course, we parents know its just the opposite because we have not only the theft but the betrayal by someone we love. she still doesn't get that, but then again she still is using, like yours.

We pressed charges and nothing came of it (outstanding warrants that never get served). this is unusual though. Its more usual when you press charges that they actually have consequences! consequences are good!

Fortunately she never did anything further after we kicked her out. But we did change the locks right away.

So change those locks right away and press charges by all means!

katie44

Well I pressed charges last nite, unfortuantely the one check cleared through a very nice mans account. My son told him it was his pay cheque so this man double endorsed it, by that time I had the stop payment on it. This gentlemen works with troubled youths ( still cant believe he would fall for this) The second cheque one of his friends filled it out however AS signed both cheques forged my name on them. I wish I could go back and know what I know now I have only charged him once before. Never again will I let him steal from us without pressing charges. Not because I think it will help him because I need to protect us. I certainly wasn't thinking about the vehicle keys on the table. For four years I have been glued to my purse, hiding valuables, the list goes on. When we moved last year we had a brand new refrigerator stored in the garage. When we got home it was gone. I know it is the addiction of the brain, has taken a very long time to realize he is not in control the drug is. $40,000.00 later and Im finally getting it. I pray one day we will get our kind, honest and caring son back.

JMFburns

Katie,

I am searching for the strength you have - keep it up. You are a shining example of a strong mother. THANK YOU.

sistergldnhair

Count me in too. I had read in my son's journal from rehab #1, that he was the one stealing from me. Funny, I thought he would never steal, I thought it was my other son the whole time. He would sneak the key and go into the safe in our room where I was socking money away for new furniture. Got a few grand that time. Then he also found my PIN number and got a few thousand (in smaller increments) from my savings the next time, before I realized and changed my PIN. Then just a few weeks ago, after he had left for rehab, I was going over my checking account online and saw some checks for 200 and under. Click on the checks and there it was, another 1500 from my checking. Funny...1/2 of that was tax money he got and I socked away that he wouldn't know about it, in case something "came up".

Sorry it happened to you as well....

NeedingHelp7

Oh My!!! That is an astronomical amount of money!!!

Son also tried to over hear a phone call when I was giving my pin # to a credit card co. Had to have it changed...had to call the police that time too because he wouldn't get away from my bedroom door when I was talking to the cred. card co., so he began screaming all over the house at me.

He tried getting the pin # to the tv for unappropriate movies.

I got a bill for $1845.00 from a telephone co I never heard of. Come to find out, he and/or friends had called a sex line. Thankfully that was dropped, because I am the authorized owner of the phone, and wouldn't give anyone permission to make disgusting calls like that. I had long distance blocked on the phone already, and thought that covered everything.....not so...900 #'s have to be specifically blocked seperately from
long distance.

When my daughter was 16, she stole our car on AH and I wedding night, we were on our honeymoon with a rental. She stole the keys out of my purse prior to our leaving (she had her plan all schemed, and didn't have her license yet). A friend, who was watching the house, called us late that night and said he saw AH's car riding down the street w/ a bunch of youths in it!!!! We had to come home. When we arrived very very late, the car was sitting in the driveway with a huge dent in the back!!!! She had taken that over the counter med the kids were taking back then (can't remember the name), and crashed it into a pole. We pressed charges for unauthorized use of motor vehicle.
Ugh!!! She is now 23, and stopped all her stuff at age 18 thank God, but she was something too!!!

I could write a book.


NH7

HurtingDad

Katie,

Not much I can add to the thoughts of those who have written. Just sharing my synmpathy and I know the pain. Best wishes to your family.

barblsn

My husband maxed our credit cards, emptied our bank accts, sold his tools. I couldnt do ANYTHING to press charges. Well, I could have lied and said the threatened me or hit me, and gotten an order of protection, but I couldn't bring myself to lie.

But I will next time.....