Seagrl7

You know the worrying about my AD really bites. I have just seen her in rehab and having 60 days clean and then on the day we help her get a little used car she goes out and uses coke and weed. She now has left rehab and moved to a halfway house and although she got a job (due to the manager of the house) she is arleady complaining about problems with roommates, not being able to access the cash I sent to the house manager, etc.

The stress is beginning to eat at my marriage. I try to work my steps in Nar Anon but hearing the same garbage out of her mouth about her issues with others, being allegedly robbed of her purse, driver's license, etc. makes me again fear she will end up on the streets again.

I awaken at 4 a.m. with horror filled visions of the things she does to get drugs. She has admitted to prostitution and the very thought sickens and horrifies me. I didn't raise her to live that way.

My heart is so tormented by drug addiction of my 20 year old daughter. I do try to make a life for me but it is like melting ice some days and I fear it is never going to end and I'll just melt away.

Sorry today is a difficult day, I'm very down and wishing this crap would just go away!

I guess wishing is a waste of energy.:praying

marle

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter recently drank after having 4+ months clean from heroin. She is getting ready to move into her own place soon and it is not a moment too soon for me. Drama and addiction go hand in hand and even when they have clean time, it does not seem to end. The way that I have found helps me to detach from the drama is to remember that my daughter is on a journey but that she does not travel the road alone. She has her HP watching over her. She must make her own mistakes because she is the one that pays the consequences for those mistakes. And maybe, just maybe she will learn something valuable that someday may help her to live a life free from drugs. We never know what the future will hold. That is where faith comes into play. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. Take care of yourself and remember that you are not in charge of what your daughter does. She is. Hugs, Marle

mooselips

Seagrl7,
Sure can sympathize with the way you are feeling. I have felt those emotions while dealing with my 2 sons. Now it seems, after attending Alanon regularly, I truly have turned over the care of my sons to their H.P.'s (although us moms still have the tendency to fret, sometimes)

You have to take care of yourself, you're all you got.

Hugs and prayers...

grateful2b

Seagrl,
I am sorry you are struggling today...I understand...

It was only after I resigned myself to the truth that this is her battle to fight and win, and removed my desires regarding a timetable for her sobriety(ongoing daily practice..LOL), and took a step way back away from the drama, that I could find a measure of peace.

Her two steps, sometimes three or four steps back, one step forward shuffle was too painful to observe up close...
my sanity also comes from knowing that she is in HP's hands and I turn her over on a daily basis.

I know now that if she chooses to, she will get there when she gets there, and she knows , if she chooses sobriety, I am there to support that..
our worrying will not change the pace or course of our addicts, and you deserve some peace and good health.

part of the reality of my bottom was seeing the damage to my health ...

Boy, if our love or worry COULD heal our addicts!
time to take care of you...
sending you hugs and prayers for peace and understanding, and prayers that your daughter finds sobriety...Grateful

Freedom1990

I have long since given up on my 30 year old AD ever finding recovery. Her husband divorced her, she lost custody of her kids (thank God) when she overdosed in front of them, and she's been in jail numerous times.

She has prostituted herself for drugs and has lived with the worst of the worst.

I had to hit an emotional bottom where I knew if I continued to handle things the way that I was, that I too was going to be insane like her.

Today, I sleep well at nights knowing that I have placed her in God's hands, and I have faith that he does indeed have a plan for her.

It may not be a plan that I like, but I accept that.

My bottom in my own addictions was something I'd never wish on anyone, but that's what it took for me to change my life, and I won't rob her of the same right.

I can't have fear and faith at the same time.

It is possible to have sanity and serenity while having a child in active addiction.

beegee

I am so sorry for the stress and pain you are experiencing. It is devastating to see them come so far and then they seem to make the wrong choice again. I know it must be hard for them but it takes so much for parents to watch this disease take over again.
I worry every day and I know I shouldn't but I think when will my RAD decided to try coke again, what will be the moment that she falls? try not to think that way. I even asked her the other day how she was doing. She told me since rehab she had two books in her hands.One was the old life and one was the new life and she was much happier inside now and chooses to write in the new life book. She is in her late 30's so it can get better.
It was the first time she expressed that to me so maybe it will help me along.

I will say prayers for you and hope you go to meetings and come here. There are so many people who can help us here and not feel alone with this. I wish you strength with your daughter and take one day at a time.:ghug2

caileesnana

so sorry your daugher made another bad choice. I know the feelings you are feeling. After my AD allowed the dealer she was with to crush her car for money I will never get her another car!

Know you are not alone, you didn't do it, and maybe, she learned something. Once again, nothing we can do!!

susan

rozied

I too am sorry you are going through this with your daughter. My son is the addict in my life, and I know how hard it is. Try hard to focus on you & your marriage, unfortunately the only thing you can do is be tough cuz the worse things get for them, the sooner they want sobriety.
Love,
Diane
PS My son just turned 42 & the only reason this has been going on so long was my parents kept enabling him.

HurtingDad

Seagrl,

Don't apologize, who else know this cr@p better than we do. At times you want to scream/cry/fight. We all know what we're supposed to do but there's somedays when you just can't.

I agree with you, that's it's the same stories over and over again. While it gets easier to say NO, it still picks away at our heart and liver.

Take a deep breath and take care of yourself. It ain't easy somedays...we all know that.

katie44

Don't be sorry were all here for the same reason. It is devestating to have a child who is an addict. All our hopes and dreams to seem to vanish for them. My only hope for my son now is that he finds recovery in his life. If we let it there addiction will drain us to the point there is nothing left for ourselves or any one else. Glad to hear you are working the naranon steps. (((( hugs )))))