Limiya

Ok, so just when i thought we might be OVER this time and i'll never hear from him again, he texts me on tuesday HALF apologising for his behaviour on sunday.
I thought, ok he might straighten himself out a bit this time and make an effort.
WRONG!

The wednesday evening he calls me and tells me he's going to his friends house with his brother and band members to hear a new song that's been mixed. I must have sounded pessimistic because he then says he's just gonna chill there for a bit and then go home as he needs to start getting 'his head down' with things and not mess about.

Well, about 4 hours later he calls again and sounds like he's trying very hard to sound sober even though i can tell he isn't.
He is STILL at his friends and it's midnight on a wednesday night. I asked if he was enjoying himself and he said he was and he'd speak to me tomorrow.

Well i go to bed and pray to myself he goes home soon and gets some sleep and maybe some food.
5:30am my phone rings and wakes me up. It's him calling me. I refuse to answer it as he should know i'm sleeping and not disturb me.
So he is obviously still OUT with his friends and hasn't been to bed yet.
11:am and he sends me another text message asking me if i will pick him up from his brothers house.
'Can you pick me up from my brothers? Am cheeky maybe i know.'

I switched my phone off as i was fuming at this point. Not only does he know i don't like him using and getting wasted, he calls me and expects me to drop everything to pick him up and take him home.
A couple of hours later i switch my phone back on and he has left me 2 voicemail messages.
The 1st one he mumbles something about wondering what i'm up to and if i'm ok and hangs up.

The 2nd voicemail however REALLY pushed my buttons. He'd obviously forgotten to hang up the phone when it went to voicemail, so i could hear almost everything.
I could hear they were DRIVING around in a car, and i can hear him COMPLAINING about me 'not understanding' him when we go out to his friends.
And what's worse is his friends are agreeing with him like they have no oppinion of their own or afraid of disagreeing with him.
He knows i'm right but when he is using and wasted, i am the mean girlfriend.

So anyway, i text him and told him he should get a taxi home and left it at that.
He calls me ten minutes later and says 'Are you sure you can't pick me up?'
I said i was sure. He says ok and hangs up. That's the last i heard thank god. No angry texts telling me i'm useless or anything like that.
He still has no idea he'd left that voicemail.
But i don't want to tell him about it until he's sober otherwise i'm asking for an argument.

I'm just not putting up with the behaviour anymore. He's 29 for goodness sakes, he should be thinking about his future and health.

~Limiya~

Impurrfect

(((Limiya)))

The old saying "nothing changes if nothing changes" is true. You can't change HIS behavior, but you can change YOURS. I would stop reading his messages, listening to them, and not answer the phone, but that's me. I spent decades dealing with a similar situation, and it's no way to live.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

orviske

Limiya,

I'm so glad you can feel that you can vent here! sometimes it is so hard to set boundries and keep them, but it sounds to me like you're doing your best to change your behavior, instead of his.....

because we all know we can't change it.

I hope you are well today.


Hugs,

K

Freedom1990

Change your number.

I was blessed in that after I hung up enough times, the EXAH finally quit contacting me.

I am so glad I don't have that kind of drama and chaos in my life.

So many solutions are simple, not necessarily easy, but simple.

hello-kitty

You get to choose when it's over and that's when it's over. It doesn't matter if he calls texts sits in your front yard. It's over when you say it's over and follow through on it.

I know it's hard but sometimes ignoring the texts and not answering the phone calls is the only way to end it. Addicts have a really hard time letting go of an enabler. That's why we have to let go of them.

Limiya

update:

He called me asking me why i seemed to be so moody with him today. He hadn't slept.
I tried so hard to explain to him why i wasn't happy and what i needed. He told me i was selfish and i don't give him what HE wants... because i don't stay up ALL night with him when he's getting wasted cause i'm tired.
He says if it's important for him to have me by his side when he's enjoying himself then i should be there.
I told him i don't like seeing him use drugs when he's out with friends, i don't like seeing him go out of control with it, it sickens me, it's not normal... etc etc.
All i got was defense in return. Saying things like it's an excuse for the problems in our relationship. That everyone he knows won't talk to him because they say he's mashed up. He says he feels emotional and wants to talk but no one listens cause he's been using. That i should be there to listen when he's like this... everyone uses his drugs as an excuse against him.

Now i know the only real problems in this relationship is down to the drugs/drink... he's in complete denial and it's really upsetting me.
He just can't see it when everyone else can. He puts up such a good argument at times that i just don't know what to say sometimes.
Throughout this phonecall i could hear him still drinking, and still snorting coke whilst he's on the phone. It made me feel so sad.

I tried and pleaded for 3 hours on the phone to get him to understand. And it still boiled down to the fact he thinks it's ME!
He said 'Obviously this can't work can it?'
I said no... (obviously tired now)
I wouldn't back down in my oppinion in regards to his. I didn't give in. Just tried.
I told him to just leave it, hang up and just leave me alone then.
Half an hour later he sends me a text telling me he would love to cuddle right now.
This just made me snap... after all that!!
He called me and i went mad at him. Shouted..'What do you expect me to say to this?? we just break up and you send me that?'
He apologises and tells me he didn't know what he was thinking by sending that and that it was difficult.
He said he wouldn't call or text again and hung up.

I know it's useless to try and get him to understand me when he's using and not sober but i just lost it.

I am sure i'll hear from him... just don't know when.
I'm tired of this. I just wanted him to SEE, but he can't.
I tried my best in this relationship, and failed.

Now i feel drained emotionally. I'm so glad i don't live or have a family with this man.

~Limiya~