Limiya

Hi everyone,
I have been readin many posts about exes or boyfriends who use cocaine. Just to help get some insight into the things i see and experience.

I see it all makes so much sense now, the personality changes, the anger, the ramblings that make no sense, the pushing away... all these only happen whilst he is using coke at the time.
I used to think it was just him, but now it seems classic behaviour. Gentle as a lamb when not using though.
He is a binger and can go most of the week without it, but due to his lifestyle (musician) and the people he hangs around with he goes out and binges on the weekends. Then suddenly the personality is different and the anger appears.
Recently he has calmed down a lot and doesn't do the all nighters or two dayers but this weekend we both went out together with friends.
I noticed he was using but didn't want to kick up too much of a fuss in front of others. I just left him to it.
By 5am i was tired and had a good night. Told him i was going to bed when he becomes argumentative again.
Tells me that as his girlfriend i should stay up if he wants to stay up getting more wasted. I told him he can do what he wants and i can't stop him so i'm going to go to sleep. He gets more mad and tells me he wants to talk about important things in the relationship.
It's 5am, i say it can wait. The only reason he is being angry is cause everyone has gone home to bed, and he has no one else to stay up getting wasted with, so he has to pick on me.
Eventually i left and went to my own house to sleep.
He stays awake using all the following day and sends me messages ending the relationship and saying it's my fault cause i don't 'talk' to him.

He only means i don't listen or talk crap with him when he's using, and why should i??
I said fine and he has brought the end upon himself.

So saturday was the last i heard from him.
I thought i'd be more upset than this, but i'm sure it will creep up on me and i'll feel weak.
He hasn't contacted me since and i haven't contacted him either.
He's done this before and lasts about a week before he gets wasted again and contacts me tellin me he was wrong.

I'm posting here so i can get advice and hear from other people that can help keep me strong and not fall weak.

~Limiya~

Impurrfect

(((Limya)))

Welcome to SR!

His behavior is very typical of an addict, even if he doesn't use every day. When I broke up with my XABF, I had to focus on what was wrong with the relationship (I was in recovery, he was still using) and not think about the "good times".

It sounds like he has no intention in changing anything, and just wants you to accept it. You don't have to accept it. You can focus on what YOU want from life and go after it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

hello-kitty

My ex started out as a musician but then the cocaine took even that away from him. It became about the drugs and the scene. The band fell apart and eventually he ended up in jail. That's where he is now. He has been in and out for years.

There is no future with a drug addict. You did the bravest and wisest thing so hang in there and when he contacts you (notice I said if, not when) don't fall for any stories or lies or empty promises. This is about you and what you deserve in a relationship. Not about him and his drug addiction.

Good luck!

orviske

Dear Limiya,

My ABF pulls the same sort of stuff. Like night and day in personality----completely different when coke is being abused.

When he's using he wants to get into intellectual discussion about our relationship, and how good he wants to be.....but more often than not, can't remember any of the conversation we had. I'm sorry to hear that you haven't heard from him since Saturday, but honestly, I think its a good thing.

Its a good thing that you're here, and its a good thing that you're recognizing that this is not your problem. I can't tell you what to do, but in hindsight of my own relationship, if he wanted to end the relationship, stick to your guns about it. It doesn't sound as though this relationship is a healthy one.

Be strong. Be yourself. Don't let someone else push you around.

Love and light,

K

Limiya

Thanks guys for your responses.
The weakness just crept up on me about 10 minutes ago and i was almost crying from missing him.
He's a good man when not using, and it hurts me to see him snorting his opportunities away.
He knows it's bad, he tells me time again he'll stop, then when he's using he tells me it's what he is and what he does... but when he's sober again he seems angry with himself.
Like i said, the fact his friends use and are in the same band as he is a difficult one.
I've always been there for him, but this time the anger is more overcoming than the heartbreak.

I hate the way his eyes look when he uses, the way he becomes so arrogant and big headed about himself, how he is always right... the way he tries to get me into these big discussions about important things yet he makes no sense.
Then blames me for not wanting to listen or talk to him in this state.

One minute i'm upset and missing HIM... then the next minute i'm angry with his alter-ego he becomes.

I honestly have been feeling so alone over this. No one seems to understand and i'm so pleased i've found people here who do.

In a way i'm pleased he's not contacting me, but i half expect him to on the weekend if he goes out and gets wasted again.
He usually does!!
I just hope i have the strengh to not answer or give in to his messages.
But will i be more upset if he doesn't contact me???

I hate this!!! He is my addiction!

~Limiya~

outtolunch

Nothing changes if nothing changes. It sounds like you are changing for the better.

hello-kitty

How to Get Over a Break Up - wikiHow