AUDRADAVID

Hi everyone. its been about 3 yrs since my last need help post. wow feels like confession in church. lol. well abf and I (2 kids later and a house) got into a huge fight. hes been clean from iv coke and heroin for 3 yrs. a huge fight. over nothing really important. but it was big and bad and loud, and i told him to get the **** out. and he took some clothes his methadone, and got into his truck and left. about 15 mins later he texts me on my phone from his "i hope your happy i have nothing now" and i ask what that means and he said "figure it out" and i asked him where he was and he said in his truck and now his phone is off. i can not keep this house and my son in a private school. i have no job. i stay home and take care of 6 yr old and 2 yr old. the bills are too high for a job that i can get. i dont know what to do, what that meant and i dont want him back if he used. i need help i guess...........

Ann

AudraDavid, my mother was widowed when I was 6 and my brothers were 12 and 14. This was in the 1950's when women didn't work, or if they did they received half the pay that men did.

She got a job and made arrangements for us children for after school before she got home. There was no daycare then, just friends who could help. She did just fine and although we struggled financially, I never felt poor nor did I go hungry. There was lots of love in our house, and that's all that mattered.

I write this because I believe you CAN do it alone. If he disappeared out of your life, you would survive. Sure, changes would need to be made and raising a child without addiction in the house is far more important than private school any day.

The choice is yours, I don't mean to tell you what to do, I just mean to encourage and tell you that you can do anything you set your mind to do.

Hugs

AUDRADAVID

Thank you Ann. I'm just upset because he adopted my son from my 1st marriage because his father wanted nothing to do with him. And we have a child together too. But the child from my ex-husband will be devestade. He's been throught everything you can think of and now I must move again. We (my 1st son and I) have moved 10 times in 2 yrs. And now another father figuer gone. And he was a good dad until tonight. But my breaking point is 1 time. 1 chance. 1 slip up. So I am done, but just feeling horrible for the reprocusions that my 6 yr old is going to have to deal with yet again. Its like he always gets the sh***y end of the stick. And now again because of my bad decision to allow a heroin addict who i had faith in to come into our lives and make it better for 3 years. Feels like 2 steps backto take 1 step forward. And its not about me. I will be fine. Its my 6 yr old. Like I feel if he slips up once every 3 yrs for a day shouldnt i suck it up and let him because my son is finally happy?

Ann

(((Audradavid))) My heart goes out to you and your child. I know this is hard and I know that whatever your choice, you will love and protect your son. I wish it was easier for you.

Hugs

hello-kitty

It's ok. His bad choices are not your fault but now you are left to pick up the pieces. It's tough but many of us have been there and it can be done. First of all, if you assistance, check with social services or your local community center and see what kinds of programs are available to help you get back on your feet. There is discounted and free daycare available for struggling moms. There is help available but you must look for it yourself. You will survive. You can even thrive if you want to. It's all up to you.

Your six year old will be fine as long as he has one stable parent who loves him and who is completely reliable. He will survive too. He will look to you to see how you handle it and he will follow suit. It's not good for kids to grow up in volatile households anyway so things may even be better for him in the long run.

Hang in there.

littlebird77

I'm not understanding... Did he use? Or did you just get into a fight?

rozied

I was going to ask the same thing........did he use or was it an arguement over something else?

TTOSBT

I had the same question. Is it possible you are jumping to conclusions?
You got in a fight and he left.
Does this have to mean that he used? Does this have to mean that you have to move?
Does this have to mean that your son no longer has a father?

My husband and I fight. We both say things we do not mean sometimes but we have never broken up our family over it.
Is it possible for you to ask him to come home and talk this out?

But I apologize if I have missed something.

AUDRADAVID

Thanks everyone. yes i came to the conckusion that he used because i he text me that he hopes im happy and that he has nothing now and hes in his truck and then he turned phone off. so last time he did that (about 3 yrs ago) he started using again. so old wounds were opened up for me and i thought her we frickin go again!!! But this time im really u know what because i have 2 kids a house no job etc. But he ended up going to his moms house and spent the night. im a little more scraed to arhue with him now because i can imagine how i would feel if he went and used. i know its not my fault but how can one not feel bad for starting an arguement and not letting up and then thier addict uses? but he said he didnt use and he came back last night. i did panic the onther night however and applied for a few jobs online, and they already called me back. so i have interview friday. i guess i got a glimpse of what could happen if he did use and now i think im going to take steps to be able to raise my kids here if anything was ever to happen. i guess i just need to know that i can count on me. its hard though because the both of us believe that if you have a baby that you should stay home and take care of that baby until pre-school. so now im like why disturb the apple cart if he didnt use and put my 2 yr old in daycare. he hasnt used in 3 yrs. and with his income we get by great. thank you everyone. i was beside my self the other nite getting scared thinkin about the what if's.

hello-kitty

That is a very wise decision.

littlebird77

Im sorry but I still don't know if he used. You mentioned that he did this three years ago, but what about now? A text and a turned off phone does not mean he is using... Though I really don't know, but to base your conclusion on these facts seems a little unfair. It seems that you have old wounds that never healed and are holding it over. If it is something you can not move pass with him, then I guess you need to do it on your own. But you do need to move pass what happened three years ago... I think you might be jumping the gun and you are anxious and have every right to be, but while he was in recovery, did you work on your own recovery? It seems the two of you are in very different paths.

AUDRADAVID

hi littlebird. he did not use. the thought and fear of him using i think is gonna take a very long time to get over if ever. i think i will always have in the back of mind the thought. an addict will always be an addict and i think there are people that have relapsed after 10 yrs clean. and some people dont ever relapse. its just impossible to tell the future. so that is y i think i will have the thouhts in my mind that he is using when he does something out of the ordinary. we have fought before and he has never text me something like that and has never turned off his cell phone. the last time he did that was because he was getting high.