socraticmethod

OKAY, my older brother is quitting marijuana and other drugs, he went to rehab for 3 months and had great success, becuase rehab was very expensive my parents said he should just come home and continue his recovery here. hes been here for about 3 months now, and since he came he slowly gotten worse, we thought he might be using again.

well our parents went away on holiday and are gone for 2 more weeks, lastnight i caught him using marijuana but he does not know, i saw it and smelt it and i know he was definately using...

here is my question, my older sister wants me to confront him, and i do too, BUT what the hell do i say, what angle should i take and what should be my request???

this is what i am thinking - just saying "brother i know you were using lastnight, not sure how long u been back on it, dont care, will you tell mum and dad that you had a relapse since coming home?"

is that right, its so hard because were brothers, and our relationship is tenuous already.any advice is GREAT help please, should i not say anything, should i approach it harsher, softer? should i request different things, should i tell my parents first? please help...

marle

Confronting an addict about their using is almost pointless as they will usually just deny it. Even if caught red-handed they can come up with the most ridiculous lies. Addiction is always progressive and eventually your mother and father will catch on. If you still feel a need to say something to your brother, by all means do so. Just be prepared for the denial. Hope that helps. Marle

rozied

Marle is right he will probably deny it if you do confront him. If you feel you must talk to him before your parents come home tread lightly.
It is hard when we know someone we love is messing up.
Know you are not alone here. Diane

jerect

If it were me, I would wait until your parents came back from their trip and I would tell them of the relaps. He lives under their roof so they have a right to know of his drug activites. It will be up to them to set boundries and to decide what they will and will not put up with.

I would not confront your brother at all. Like the posters before me stated, an addict will lie when confronted. All you will gain by confronting is frustration, confrontation and a tailspin of lies making you feel like the crazy one. The best thing you can do for your brother right now is not enable him in any way shape or form. Don't do anything for your brother that he can do for himself.

hope213

addicts lie, he will deny it & then what? i would tell my parents & let them handle it. this is not your problem even tho i know you love your brother it is his problem. tell your parents about this site & hopefully they can get some "insight" on where to go & what to do. prayers for you all.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

I agree with the posts above...if you confront him, he will either deny it or downplay it "it was just one time".

I would, however, tell your parents since he is living in their house, and then let THEM decide how they want to handle it.

Rehab isn't a cure. It simply gives addicts tools to use in real life and it is up to the addict (A) to use the tools or not.

I'm a recovering addict (RA) and I didn't quit until my consequences got bad enough that it just wasn't worth it any more.

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this, but I'm glad you're here.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Stubborn1

Your parents would benefit from going to AA or reading about addictions. Your parents did not set a good example by letting him come home early because it was "too expensive". He probably took it as he was not worth it. I know I would have.
The bad thing about pot is it usually......almost always leads to something bigger. My brother who is fifty smoked pot his entire life and was fine until the loss of his wife and now has become and alcoholic on top of it.
When one drug doesn't work anymore then they find another. Your parents should be scared of that.
You are a good brother for letting them know.
I don't know how close you are to your brother but if it were my brother he would be more concerned that he let me down rather then our mother. I have confronted my brother about his addictions and he took it to heart. It didn't stop him but he will not use in front of me or even talk about it.
Can you ask your brother to have a serious talk and say "look bro, I saw what you were doing and I have to confront mom and dad. I wanted to give you the opportunity to tell them yourself and be honest instead of me going behind your back" Let him know you care and are worried and how it makes you feel.
The worst that can happen is he will deny it.