How To Stop "Checking On" Your A-Ex Online??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 14
How To Stop "Checking On" Your A-Ex Online??
Hi all,
Ok, so the other night after fighting and deciding to no longer talk as said in my previous post, my A-exbf blocked me online. As you can imagine, I was kind of hurt over that. Well, last night I saw that he UN-blocked me, as he popped up on my buddylist. I went ahead an blocked him, so that he wouldnt have that option of contacting me (atleast not under his normal screen name), but it makes me wonder, why did he first block me and then go ahead and UN-block me. Who knows, i'll never know the answer to that one. My real question here is this... I'm finding (probably because of my un-addressed love addiction and/or co-dependancy issues) that EVERY NIGHT i'm "checking up" on him! Like a mad woman! I go onto his aol profile to see if any changes were made to it, and I go onto his new myspace page to see if he logged on since August when he last logged on, and if so, if any new friends were added, etc etc. I feel sick!! Why cant I let this go and stop checking on him and just let him go and focus on MYSELF? I mean, in a sense I did ok because all I did was look, I never IM'd him (where in the past I know I would've) or texted or called him, I just let it be. But still, the fact that I dont have the control yet to stop myself from checking on him really bothers me. Has anyone else experienced this?
Ok, so the other night after fighting and deciding to no longer talk as said in my previous post, my A-exbf blocked me online. As you can imagine, I was kind of hurt over that. Well, last night I saw that he UN-blocked me, as he popped up on my buddylist. I went ahead an blocked him, so that he wouldnt have that option of contacting me (atleast not under his normal screen name), but it makes me wonder, why did he first block me and then go ahead and UN-block me. Who knows, i'll never know the answer to that one. My real question here is this... I'm finding (probably because of my un-addressed love addiction and/or co-dependancy issues) that EVERY NIGHT i'm "checking up" on him! Like a mad woman! I go onto his aol profile to see if any changes were made to it, and I go onto his new myspace page to see if he logged on since August when he last logged on, and if so, if any new friends were added, etc etc. I feel sick!! Why cant I let this go and stop checking on him and just let him go and focus on MYSELF? I mean, in a sense I did ok because all I did was look, I never IM'd him (where in the past I know I would've) or texted or called him, I just let it be. But still, the fact that I dont have the control yet to stop myself from checking on him really bothers me. Has anyone else experienced this?
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Maybe try deleting him as a friend, rather than just blocking him? Remove his # from your cell, remove all connections to his "world". Just like when I stopped using I removed any connections from all my using "friends". It's a start!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Youre obsessing. Walk away from the computer. Leave your cell phone at home. Get some fresh air. Go out with your friends. Go to the gym. Go window shopping. Take a drive (no cell phone). Volunteer at the humane society. Delete his information from your computer. Delete it from your cell phone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Yes but it's been my RAD. I used to check her cell phone online, all the numbers and texts sent, etc. Checked her myspace profile like I was addicted. Well, I was. I could call it obsessed and cut myself some slack but I'm not doing myself any favors.
Just like the addict's brain has been hijacked, so have ours except we did it without the drug. Our brains adjust to habits so I verbally started telling myself NO and STOP every time I thought about it, breaking the cycle in my brain.
If you would've been standing anywhere close to my home office, you probably would've laughed to hear NO and STOP being repeated over and over again.
Just like the addict's brain has been hijacked, so have ours except we did it without the drug. Our brains adjust to habits so I verbally started telling myself NO and STOP every time I thought about it, breaking the cycle in my brain.
If you would've been standing anywhere close to my home office, you probably would've laughed to hear NO and STOP being repeated over and over again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
I have a girlfriend that I called when I was doing the obsessing. I also started doing hot yoga. That helped me tremendously because I was literally forced to just stay present with myself for an hour and a half. The benefits of feeling good about myself was the icing on the cake!
I also would journal a TON!
What I have found when dealing with an addict - is that EVERY single day is a surprise.
Friday - No Contact Rule enforced by one of us or both
Saturday - Still no contact - but I'm obsessing - wondering if I made the right decision. Thinking I'll never hear from him - after all it's been 24 hours and I have no clue what is going on - and that I'm going to have to learn how to cope.
Sunday - Random text or email comes in
Monday - Honeymoon stage has begun!
Sometimes that scenario can be hours or just over a course of a day!
BOTH parties are addicts - but just different DOC.
With my guy- when he gets high he is able to just forget about all emotions - and aside from being lonely (i guess) - or feeling on top of the world - he is able to convince me that he is NOT high.
OR....... when he is coming down - is when he'll have remorse and would miss me.
A life with an addict is DRAMA... and the counterparts get sucked in. For example with me.... I challenge it. I lose my footing and what the reality really is. My guy will lie to me and tell me false things about myself that make me question so many things about myself. I begin to question what he really does think of me - and if that is what I'm portraying. YET - NOONE else has ever said those things to me. It is CRAZY!
Anywho - sorry about that - went a bit off tangent there.
I wouldn't be surprised that you get a text from him today or in the next day or two - or even a phone call. It's just how it works!
I've told my guy that he is a total cliche'! Addict behavior IS text book! Here all this time - I've thought he was different and unique - well really - all he is - is an addict! Which is unique and different compared to others in my social circle.
IF I wasn't co-dependent - I wouldn't be here in this relationship or even on this board. So - I'm focusing on being in my recovery so that I can stick a fork in this behavior - cause I'll tell ya what ~ it gets really old.
So - what helps me - is staying in my world - in my reality - and not seeking out the toxicity. Even though it calls my name just as the drug calls his!
What are some things that you can do just for yourself? To call your own? You are single now- ACT like an EMPOWERED woman.... do as you please - walk where you like YOUR steps....... and you'll move further away from the dark side.
((((hugs))))
I also would journal a TON!
What I have found when dealing with an addict - is that EVERY single day is a surprise.
Friday - No Contact Rule enforced by one of us or both
Saturday - Still no contact - but I'm obsessing - wondering if I made the right decision. Thinking I'll never hear from him - after all it's been 24 hours and I have no clue what is going on - and that I'm going to have to learn how to cope.
Sunday - Random text or email comes in
Monday - Honeymoon stage has begun!
Sometimes that scenario can be hours or just over a course of a day!
BOTH parties are addicts - but just different DOC.
With my guy- when he gets high he is able to just forget about all emotions - and aside from being lonely (i guess) - or feeling on top of the world - he is able to convince me that he is NOT high.
OR....... when he is coming down - is when he'll have remorse and would miss me.
A life with an addict is DRAMA... and the counterparts get sucked in. For example with me.... I challenge it. I lose my footing and what the reality really is. My guy will lie to me and tell me false things about myself that make me question so many things about myself. I begin to question what he really does think of me - and if that is what I'm portraying. YET - NOONE else has ever said those things to me. It is CRAZY!
Anywho - sorry about that - went a bit off tangent there.
I wouldn't be surprised that you get a text from him today or in the next day or two - or even a phone call. It's just how it works!
I've told my guy that he is a total cliche'! Addict behavior IS text book! Here all this time - I've thought he was different and unique - well really - all he is - is an addict! Which is unique and different compared to others in my social circle.
IF I wasn't co-dependent - I wouldn't be here in this relationship or even on this board. So - I'm focusing on being in my recovery so that I can stick a fork in this behavior - cause I'll tell ya what ~ it gets really old.
So - what helps me - is staying in my world - in my reality - and not seeking out the toxicity. Even though it calls my name just as the drug calls his!
What are some things that you can do just for yourself? To call your own? You are single now- ACT like an EMPOWERED woman.... do as you please - walk where you like YOUR steps....... and you'll move further away from the dark side.
((((hugs))))
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