Abundance

FS..... that does help. And boy can I relate. My guy and I were not right for one another and told each other the same..... and then we fell totally and completely in love. We still are very much in love - but these demons - this addiction - my co-dependence is in the way.

I am working on my issues.... and trying so hard to not enter into his world of trouble and sorrow - it does just bring me down. It pains him that it does - which like your guy - my guy refused a relationship too for that very reason. I felt that it was a good for me in the beginning to have the space so I could work on me, but in truth all that happened was me falling more and more into his dilemmas and losing sight of my own. Now, I am looking at my stuff. Taking it one day at a time - especially because right now...... it changes daily on such an extreme level. I can only tell you about today - I have no idea how or what tomorrow is going to be like.

Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic? That we do have this amazing connection.... this powerful bond- that our love is so amazing that all of the crap that we are going through is because what we share is that special. But if this is love.... it scares the hell out of me. So, what I tell myself is that I have to just keep looking in the mirror... giving myself the self respect - honoring my personal integrity - staying true to my wants/needs and expecting to get my fill from nobody other than me. *IF* we are mean to be.... then we will keep moving forward in BOTH of our recoveries...... if not....... I still have mine - and with mine I will learn how to channel that love I feel and all will fall into place as it will.

If I could sit a 10 day meditation course right now.... I WOULD! I have sat a few and I'm able to draw from that experience. I'm able to go to al-anon and share and listen to the ESH. Coming here and reading the ESH.... helps me feel less crazy.

I want to just let my guy go... let him do what needs to be done... recovery or addiction. Either way I can not stand in his way. I am learning to not only say what I mean...... but mean what I say - while not saying it mean. He is facing his demons right now - he is well aware. He is scared, but I have given up trying to help him - this is something he can only face on his own.

IPT

It does hurt. I identify strongly with knowing you want to have someone with you but they choose to be elsewhere (using) with someone else (no matter who it is). I read the saying that "you will stay until the pain of staying becomes greater than the pain of leaving" or something to that effect.

For me reading all these threads and posts, a few books, and LOOKING AT THE REALITY of what I really had (which wasn't that much really - just hopes), a switch flipped.

I no longer get angry and am comfortably detached. I do get sad sometimes, but I am accepting things for what they are. Sadly it means we will probably go seperate directions. Thing is we really already were I just wasn't honest enough with myself to accept and admit it. I was clinging to a fantasy.

Yes, it is sad, and it hurts. However, once acceptance occurs it gets a whole lot easier. At least it did for me. Good luck.

fndngserenity

For the time being, things are okay. He is not using but has been going to the bar a couple days a week When we are together it is great. I only see him three days a week so on the days he's not with me, I noticed he is at the bar. Kinda seems like trading one demon for another. It does seem dealing with the drinking is a gazillion times easier than the drugs. In my situation anyway because he is happy and mellow when he drinks.
I am reading codependent no more and hope that by the time I am done, I have some great insight to help me grow.
Thank you IPT

Hugs & Prayers