Seagrl7

Life is interesting when you have an AD. I read my Nar Anon book daily, read your posts, hear the stories of those that have similiar experiences and am truly trying to learn that I didn't cause this, I can't control this and I can't cure this and its a disease.

My AD (age 19) is a chronic asthmatic who smokes crack. Go figure.

I tell myself daily that I must find a way to be prepared for her loosing her life to this.

I pray to my God daily and ask that he "keep her safe", I feel guilty asking for more as this world is so messed up with so much other horror (floods, earthquakes, wars, etc.) that I figure God is up to his limit on requests but you know what?

So far he has done exactly what I ask. I haven't heard from my child since last week which worries me as she is anxious to get her stimulus check so I walk in fear that something has happened to her.

We CoDeps have such a difficult path. We try to walk in faith but our own disease of Codep can sometimes take over and we walk in fear.

Today I am again going to remember, I didn't cause this, I can't cure this and I can't control this and turn my child, who I love and adore with all my heart over to God and again ask...

God, please keep her safe. (Whatever his interpretation of that is is of course out of my hands and control) But I believe whatever God decides for her is for the best.

Thanks for listening.

Ann

Thank you for sharing your light and inspiration here. I too give my son to God each morning and then live in faith the rest of the day knowing he is in good hands.

We don't get to know all the answers, but we do find a better way and learn that we cannot worry them into recovery.

It helps me to remember that God can do for us (and them) what we cannot do for ourself. This gives me hope....and peace.

Hugs

sleepygoat

Mine is also a crack-smoking asthmatic. Haven't heard from mine yet either (since May 6th), and I worry and hope she is OK, too. I also pray every day for protection from death and severe, irreversible harm. I figure the "less than irreversible and severe" harm that drug addicts must encounter is necessary for her to ever want to stop using and try another way to live, so I don't pray for complete and total protection - but, like you, I'm sure God knows exactly what I mean, and exactly what is needed. I miss my kid, though, and it isn't easy.
thanks for posting and reminding me I am not alone in my mom-fears and sorrow today.

ctrom40

I am the mother of (1) RAD and (1) AS, I feel your pain and pray your prayers...

Thank goodness for that stimulus check -
at least I got to see my son this weekend for a few minutes

katie44

I am the mother of a 21 AD who smokes crack. He has been using since 17 years old. I pray for his recovery daily. So, so hard when we have a child in addiction! Thank goodness for SR where we can all share our insights, pain and sorrow.((((hugs))))

marle

My daughter also has severe asthma which hospitalized her in the ICU twice this past winter. She did not have her asthma meds and she smoked crack, snorted heroin and smoked cigarettes. She finally had a moment of clarity and went to rehab and a halfway house. Yet she continues to smoke like a chimney so the damage continues to her lungs. It used to make me so angry because of all the sacrifices I went through when she was a child to keep her asthma under control but I realize that we all make stupid choices and deny the damage they do to us until the consequences make it impossible to live in denial any longer. It will happen to your daughter. Just be patient. Hugs, Marle

Jody Hepler

My RAS was asthmatic since childhood, in and out of hospitals, the whole deal - smoked cigarettes and the other stuff during his addiction - when he got clean and sober, the asthma went away. Go figure!

My heart goes out to you - it is just so hard for us Moms to watch our kids go down that path. And to truly feel the powerlessness. I finally had to really do step 3 and trust God - and I found some peace. HP either is or isn't. I chose to try to believe and trust. It gives me comfort.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

kay1234

I am also the mother of a 17 yr old crack addict...and it is so hard, he would leave for a month at a time and then he would get found by the police...we have been playing the rollercoaster ride between institutions and streets for a year now. At this point he is in a extended care treatment center which he decided to go to himself...At least while he is there I don't need to worry about him overdosing and getting that dreaded phone call...And even though I pray to god and turn it over to him, I can't help but to worry. I know it is all about my sons choices, and I have no control over what he chooses to do. I think it is just so much harder when it is your child because you have this natural instinct to protect them and be there for them. Hang in there, it is easier said than done but things will eventually turn out just the way they were meant to...

caileesnana

prayers for you and family.
susan

mooselips

Seagrl7,
Prayers and good thoughts for you and your daughter.

Try to hang in there, this recovery stuff ain't easy.....

painter

I too am a mother of a daughter using crack. She has run from law and left me with her two children. I also pray night and day that God will keep her safe and bring her home so she can get help. I am still looking for that mother button to turn off so I will stop worrying. Can't seem to find it. I pray that all of our children will find their way back from this horrible disease. Before my heart breaks completly.

ZombieWife

Love to all who are missing their loved ones....

:praying

BigSis

Damn... we Anons have such VIVID and DETAILED imaginations! Though having such a good imagination has allowed me to be a good writer, and it gave me a place to escape as a child in a violent, alcoholic home... it has its place.

And, for me, I cannot ALLOW my imagination to work in conjunction with either one of my addict children.

It always starts to innocuously... just daydreaming about my boy or my girl... how they were, what were their dreams, wondering what are they doing now, how are they progressing.... and withing MERE SECONDS, I have them tied up with duct tape in the back of a yellow Chevy van headed for the woods and a grave. No kidding... precisely what my MIND creates.

So.... instead, I choose to NOT think about my kids. Sometimes, for a whole day. I say the Serenity prayer, read the literature, call my friends... or journal it out and burn it (to give it up to my HP to take care of).

Instead of picking up the tool of my imagination, I pick up an Alanon tool. ((hugs))

Spiritual Seeker

(((((((((((((((Seagrl7)))))))))))))))))))))))
Another mom here who has walked in your shoes.
Don't give up on your girl, even tho she is not ready today.
I believe our kids are sick and need help. But it is rocky ground as you know.

I have been able to get my son to receive the gift of recovery 3 times. And this has saved his life. It is a marathon not a sprint. As their mom we must stand back much of the time.
But when we see their March to death accelerating, we do have to jump in and arrange treatment and see if they are in a place to surrender.

Part of the standing back phase is for our own good as well so that their life doesn't overshadow our own.

Best wishes to you as you navigate this journey of parenting an addict.

Things change. As you see from being here. An addict who seems GONE, then get into recovery. Keep faith and hope.

Nurture yourself. Take care.

Jody Hepler

One of my ASs has been using and hardly in my life for 20 years - he called on my birthday in August this year and said he had 10 days! And on Mother's Day he sent me his 9 month medallion, which I wear proudly on my key ring. He started his journey in recovery on May 1, 1983 - my Alanon recovery date! This time he really does seem different.

As long as there is breath there is hope!!

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler



P.S. His way of making amends to me ("for all the money I stole from you and Dad") was to buy me much needed new appliances - a refrig, dishwasher and stove. Miracles do happen!