lesa

I told him my rules while he was using ..told him i mean what aIam saying..he said he has rules ..how could he have rules he the one doing wrong ,i wouldnt listen to him...does he have a right to give me rules while he is using...please answer

BayAreaPhoenix

Fine, he has rules. So, it's up to you whether you agree and accept them, just like it's up to him whether to agree and accept yours. You know that you have to "enforce" your rules, they are yours for you.

This is a deflection thing - My AH has done this type of thing so often. Let him worry about giving you his rules when he brings them up, when you're discussing your rules (boundaries) that's the topic and do not get distracted from it! You can do it!

:ghug3

Callie

I fully agree with this CW - she been so helpful to me. My H does the deflection thing ALOT. If you are confident in your boundaries/rules stick with them. For me, I've found SUCH help coming here and having people keep me on track - people that are in the same twisted mess that I am. Just the other night I was leaving, then I get drawn back in, then I'm gone again. Even though I'm all over the board - I'm slowly inching my way out with each piece of drama that is thrown on my doorstep - with each piece of knowledge that releases this burden from MY shoulders to leave. Pretty soon I'll be ready to close the door and all the while AH is still playing this game (intentional or not) of pushing me away, reeling me in. etc.

:sorry you are going through this, that we are ALL going through this. But since coming to this site the number one thing seems to be boundaries. YOU are setting yours. Find the strength to enforce them. You can do it. :ghug