He gave me the scare of my life - again
turning red!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
He gave me the scare of my life - again
Hi friends,
I'm back with an update which is not rosy rosy...
Yesterday i was home relaxing and getting ready for baby when i decided to call Rain 'cos he was longer than usual to come back home and plus i had this bad feeling, considering how bad he's been doing this week.
Anyway, i called and called and called and no answer. That's a VERY bad sign because he always answers his phone as otherwise he knows i'll be freaked out.
After 20mns of calling i couldn't take it anymore, i took my phone and went to the village (we live in a small island where there's a small village with no cars and stuff) and there i went to all the public toilets in sight ringing my mobile to see if he was there. And i "found" him with the phone ring. He was indeed in the toilet and he was NOT answering his phone and not opening the door despite me banging the door. I was SO scared. I called the police/ambulance/firemen to open this door. It is just such a terrible feeling to be unable to do anything but wait and see...I just couldn't believe this was happening to me.
Anyway, just when the helps was on the way i tried Rain's mobile for the hundreds time and he picked up the phone. Piuhhhhhhh
Useless to say how were my feelings: relief, anger etc etc...
Useless also to say the discussion i had with him, i think he was as scared as me by how far he's going.
This is bad, this is very bad
Thanks for listening,
Carine
I'm back with an update which is not rosy rosy...
Yesterday i was home relaxing and getting ready for baby when i decided to call Rain 'cos he was longer than usual to come back home and plus i had this bad feeling, considering how bad he's been doing this week.
Anyway, i called and called and called and no answer. That's a VERY bad sign because he always answers his phone as otherwise he knows i'll be freaked out.
After 20mns of calling i couldn't take it anymore, i took my phone and went to the village (we live in a small island where there's a small village with no cars and stuff) and there i went to all the public toilets in sight ringing my mobile to see if he was there. And i "found" him with the phone ring. He was indeed in the toilet and he was NOT answering his phone and not opening the door despite me banging the door. I was SO scared. I called the police/ambulance/firemen to open this door. It is just such a terrible feeling to be unable to do anything but wait and see...I just couldn't believe this was happening to me.
Anyway, just when the helps was on the way i tried Rain's mobile for the hundreds time and he picked up the phone. Piuhhhhhhh
Useless to say how were my feelings: relief, anger etc etc...
Useless also to say the discussion i had with him, i think he was as scared as me by how far he's going.
This is bad, this is very bad
Thanks for listening,
Carine
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
(((((CARINE)))))
I know we are far away in "reality", but here in this virtual place, I want you to know that I am sending my love, hugs, heart, and prayers for you. I don't know where Rain is right now, but I know that you and your baby need each other right now. Please do what you can to keep the two of you healthy. I will pray for him to find his way also. When you write about him, I can sense the love he has for you and your baby, so I am praying that he will find his way --very, very soon for all of you. Love, Rica
I know we are far away in "reality", but here in this virtual place, I want you to know that I am sending my love, hugs, heart, and prayers for you. I don't know where Rain is right now, but I know that you and your baby need each other right now. Please do what you can to keep the two of you healthy. I will pray for him to find his way also. When you write about him, I can sense the love he has for you and your baby, so I am praying that he will find his way --very, very soon for all of you. Love, Rica
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Funkzter,
Praying that you find some answers today. This has got to be so hard to deal with in your state, and the anxiety is terrible for both you and the baby, you know? Remember you are not dealing with a rational adult, capable of making rational decisions. YOU are the only adult right now, so please do everything you can to take care of yourself. Hugs, girl
Praying that you find some answers today. This has got to be so hard to deal with in your state, and the anxiety is terrible for both you and the baby, you know? Remember you are not dealing with a rational adult, capable of making rational decisions. YOU are the only adult right now, so please do everything you can to take care of yourself. Hugs, girl
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Hoping you can turn the focus to you and the baby...
all that stress is not good for YOU....
sending prayers that the remaining days before the baby arrives are quiet...allowing your mind/body to prepare for the event...
all that stress is not good for YOU....
sending prayers that the remaining days before the baby arrives are quiet...allowing your mind/body to prepare for the event...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
He needs rehab fast, or he may not make it to see his child grow.
If he won't go, I hope you will take care of yourself, Funk. You are about to have a baby and chasing around town checking toilets is not a healthy thing to do.
I say this with love in my heart...let go before he drags you further down with him.
Hugs
If he won't go, I hope you will take care of yourself, Funk. You are about to have a baby and chasing around town checking toilets is not a healthy thing to do.
I say this with love in my heart...let go before he drags you further down with him.
Hugs
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((Carine+babe}}}}}}
Dahlin' sending good vibes your way.
I have a cousin who is a heroin addict. When he gets "in his bag" I think they call it he just gets soo far away.
I am sure his sister and brothers probably do go hunt him down sometimes too like you do with rain. I sense the great pain and the fear in them and you it is so not fair. it's not fair I said!
#&!** the $l^it to hell ya know I am just really tired of it
Dahlin' sending good vibes your way.
I have a cousin who is a heroin addict. When he gets "in his bag" I think they call it he just gets soo far away.
I am sure his sister and brothers probably do go hunt him down sometimes too like you do with rain. I sense the great pain and the fear in them and you it is so not fair. it's not fair I said!
#&!** the $l^it to hell ya know I am just really tired of it
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((((((((((((Carine))))))))))))))))))
Please know I'm thinking and praying for you and your
little family.
Addiction is so horrible, sweetie. You have so much
on your own plate right now. I wish he could be there
for you. I truly do. You know in your head that he can't.
Your heart thinks differently.
Wrapping my arms around your heart. Sending you strength,
love, prayers, and a shoulder. Please. Please. Please.
Take care of you and the baby. Let Go and Let God take
care of Rain.
Always,
Please know I'm thinking and praying for you and your
little family.
Addiction is so horrible, sweetie. You have so much
on your own plate right now. I wish he could be there
for you. I truly do. You know in your head that he can't.
Your heart thinks differently.
Wrapping my arms around your heart. Sending you strength,
love, prayers, and a shoulder. Please. Please. Please.
Take care of you and the baby. Let Go and Let God take
care of Rain.
Always,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I read your other topic and didn't have anything to add in my heart except best wishes and prayers for you, your baby, and your BF(?).
Now I feel like I should say something. I'm concerned for your bf but more than anyone else I'm concerned for you and the baby. You're in the middle of a tug of war and it's one between life and death. Your baby has no choice but you and your bf do.
You've already chosen life as evidenced by this impending birth, please choose life again. Please let go of the rope before it yanks you and the baby to the other side.
My prayers are with you.
Now I feel like I should say something. I'm concerned for your bf but more than anyone else I'm concerned for you and the baby. You're in the middle of a tug of war and it's one between life and death. Your baby has no choice but you and your bf do.
You've already chosen life as evidenced by this impending birth, please choose life again. Please let go of the rope before it yanks you and the baby to the other side.
My prayers are with you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
((Funkzter)))
Wow - what an ugly ugly painful scene. You must've thought he was dead. That's the WORST level of stress hormones flooding into your bloodstream and your baby feels it too.
((hugs)) and bigger (((((HUGS)))))
What's the plan for labor? If he's in this bad state right now and you're due soon right? Have you got a doula or friend who is at the ready?? Birth is the most amazing, empowering experience - and soon you will get to hold your sweet daughter and it will change your life in so many tremendous ways!! The creative power of your own woman's body is incredible to experience!!!
I send you wishes for courage and strength and a well supported labor!! It is tragic that your man is addicted and unavailable - but keep the focus on you, on your mental and physical health, and your 2008 girl!!
Peace,
B.
Wow - what an ugly ugly painful scene. You must've thought he was dead. That's the WORST level of stress hormones flooding into your bloodstream and your baby feels it too.
((hugs)) and bigger (((((HUGS)))))
What's the plan for labor? If he's in this bad state right now and you're due soon right? Have you got a doula or friend who is at the ready?? Birth is the most amazing, empowering experience - and soon you will get to hold your sweet daughter and it will change your life in so many tremendous ways!! The creative power of your own woman's body is incredible to experience!!!
I send you wishes for courage and strength and a well supported labor!! It is tragic that your man is addicted and unavailable - but keep the focus on you, on your mental and physical health, and your 2008 girl!!
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
(((((Carine)))))
Sending you hugs and sending prayers for Rain. You need to take care of you and your soon to be little one. I am praying this scared Rain enough for him to stay clean until your daughter arrives and he will get into rehab ASAP once she is born. You need to rest and relax right now, and I know how hard that is living with an active addict.
Hopefully your mum will be there soon to help you and help you relax.
Love and prayers coming to you,
Your other mum
Sending you hugs and sending prayers for Rain. You need to take care of you and your soon to be little one. I am praying this scared Rain enough for him to stay clean until your daughter arrives and he will get into rehab ASAP once she is born. You need to rest and relax right now, and I know how hard that is living with an active addict.
Hopefully your mum will be there soon to help you and help you relax.
Love and prayers coming to you,
Your other mum
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Carine. I'm sorry you are having to chase down your boyfriend and take care of him at a time in your life where he should be taking care of you. I'm sorry. It's hard.
If it was me, I'd turn him over to a rehab facility right away. Or he might not might not make it until after the baby is born. Contrary to what the person above me says, he can't stay straight until the baby is born. He is going to keep using. If he doesn't he will go into withdrawals and things will be even worse because you'll have 2 babies on your hands. Quitting without help isn't even an option for him right now.
I have been in your shoes. I understand all about wanting the childs father to be there for the birth. My ex barely made it and he was high as a kite. In the long run, him being there for the birth made no difference. He's still using same whenever he can, getting progressively worse... He still chooses drugs and the addict lifestyle over me and the baby. But at least my child and I aren't being dragged through the nightmare with him anymore.
I need all my strength to raise a child that doesn't use drugs when he gets older. Now I watch his father from a distance and it's so much better. I still love him. But he makes his own choices. I can't control him. I don't even try anymore. I know that if he survives, he will have earned it. It will be because he wanted to get better more than he wanted to keep using.
So honey, do whatever you need to do to get through this time. But hon. Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, if you stopped taking care of him, he might be forced to take care of himself? You cannot save him Carine. He is going to do what he is going to do and you are powerless to help him.
I'm so excited for you. Babies are so amazing. I am glad you have help beyond Rain. Because men aren't the best help when it comes to babies. Especially men on heroin. Please start thinking about the future you want for your little one. Does it involve drugs? Does it involve running around after her daddy to fix up his messes? You and your little one - it's going to be amazing Carine. Being a single mom is fulfilling and challenging at the same time. And addict boyfriends are no help.
If it was me, I'd turn him over to a rehab facility right away. Or he might not might not make it until after the baby is born. Contrary to what the person above me says, he can't stay straight until the baby is born. He is going to keep using. If he doesn't he will go into withdrawals and things will be even worse because you'll have 2 babies on your hands. Quitting without help isn't even an option for him right now.
I have been in your shoes. I understand all about wanting the childs father to be there for the birth. My ex barely made it and he was high as a kite. In the long run, him being there for the birth made no difference. He's still using same whenever he can, getting progressively worse... He still chooses drugs and the addict lifestyle over me and the baby. But at least my child and I aren't being dragged through the nightmare with him anymore.
I need all my strength to raise a child that doesn't use drugs when he gets older. Now I watch his father from a distance and it's so much better. I still love him. But he makes his own choices. I can't control him. I don't even try anymore. I know that if he survives, he will have earned it. It will be because he wanted to get better more than he wanted to keep using.
So honey, do whatever you need to do to get through this time. But hon. Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, if you stopped taking care of him, he might be forced to take care of himself? You cannot save him Carine. He is going to do what he is going to do and you are powerless to help him.
I'm so excited for you. Babies are so amazing. I am glad you have help beyond Rain. Because men aren't the best help when it comes to babies. Especially men on heroin. Please start thinking about the future you want for your little one. Does it involve drugs? Does it involve running around after her daddy to fix up his messes? You and your little one - it's going to be amazing Carine. Being a single mom is fulfilling and challenging at the same time. And addict boyfriends are no help.
turning red!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Hello dear friends,
Thanks again for all the support and winsdom from you all, you are my rock
I know i shouldn't be involved that much in Rain's downhill spiral but can't help it, i just couldn't stay home and relax and do nothing when he was ODing in the toilets. It was just too much for me and, yes, i did let myself be dragged down and therefore the baby too. For those who know me, i managed before to be strong and kick him out but now it's so much harder with the pregnancy. Though one thing is for sure is that once the baby is here, Rain is out within 2 weeks after birth (the good thing is it's ordered by law so i don't even have a choice, in case i melt and be weak)
Now, i'm happy to say rain put himself together (i must as can be) and is sticking to methadon. Don't know for how long but i take it day by day. anyway he is seeing his probation officer next week and will do urine test so that must be enough for him to stick to methadon...for now...
Yesterday we managed to spend all day/evening together curled up in front of TV so i did enjoy that.
Today some good friends come to visit me, as well as tomorrow another good friend.
and Tuesday my mum arrives!
Wednesday i'm off to the hospital! (apparently there is not much fluid in my placenta and they want to induce cos baby is nearly 39 weeks anyway and she will grow better out than in at this stage). I'll keep you posted! Bit nervous but i'm ok overall...
Hugs to all,
Carine
Thanks again for all the support and winsdom from you all, you are my rock
I know i shouldn't be involved that much in Rain's downhill spiral but can't help it, i just couldn't stay home and relax and do nothing when he was ODing in the toilets. It was just too much for me and, yes, i did let myself be dragged down and therefore the baby too. For those who know me, i managed before to be strong and kick him out but now it's so much harder with the pregnancy. Though one thing is for sure is that once the baby is here, Rain is out within 2 weeks after birth (the good thing is it's ordered by law so i don't even have a choice, in case i melt and be weak)
Now, i'm happy to say rain put himself together (i must as can be) and is sticking to methadon. Don't know for how long but i take it day by day. anyway he is seeing his probation officer next week and will do urine test so that must be enough for him to stick to methadon...for now...
Yesterday we managed to spend all day/evening together curled up in front of TV so i did enjoy that.
Today some good friends come to visit me, as well as tomorrow another good friend.
and Tuesday my mum arrives!
Wednesday i'm off to the hospital! (apparently there is not much fluid in my placenta and they want to induce cos baby is nearly 39 weeks anyway and she will grow better out than in at this stage). I'll keep you posted! Bit nervous but i'm ok overall...
Hugs to all,
Carine
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Take care of yourself, Carine. We're looking forward to the arrival of your new baby. Can hardly wait to hear all about that special event.
(((((((((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((Caring Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Glad that your mum will be there Tues. Also happy that Rain is with you and clean for now. Can't wait to hear about you new one soon. Good luck and try to relax as much as you can now, you won't have much time once she arrives. All her aunts here can't wait for her to get here.
Love and prayers for all of you
Love and prayers for all of you
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