bsfish

I was just asked by my AW's main rehab councelor to come to her rehab facility for some "intensive couples therapy". I'm greatful for this opprotunity, I think it will make the return home after 6 months a lot easier and smoother. I think we need to talk more about the serious issues than we have been. Lots of phone calls about how the day went for her, how the kids are etc, but not a lot of meat about the future.

Right now we are both pretty optimistic about us. She is very confident about her not using anymore. I also have a guarded optimism about that. It's the rest of the picture I'm concerned about. Her dealing with life on life's terms, differences in parenting ideas, my controlling issues, etc, etc.

I don't have a game plan for me, boundries, how to deal with situations, I don't even know what else. I guess I've been in denial about the future a little (or a lot). I know I should be doing something, but I guess I've been lazy or just enjoying the bliss of a peacefull life w/o her here.

I love and miss her and look forward to having my best friend back, but dread the end to my peace. I know i need to make that peace in myself somehow, but I'm not there. And I've managed for another day to come up with an excuse why I cant get a babysitter to get to my first meeting.

Does anyone have any guidance or suggestions on what I should bring up, talk about, plan for etc? Obviously I have a few ideas, but I'm sure there's things I haven't even thought of. Thanks!

best

Two things in that quote... If she continues working a program such as NA or AA and uses the tools of life that we can learn there... She will do ok dealing with life on life's terms.
As for differences between the two of you... marriage counseling... marriage counseling weekend getaways... and even working through a book like Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus...All can help any marriage grow.
With all you have gone through and still held together... your marriage can turn out to be extra strong and one of those that when people say...Wow how did you ever make 50 years married? You just need answer...with love and understanding.

Ann

It sounds like you both are wanting a better life together, and that alone may see you through the rough days.

My thoughts on what to say or talk about are to perhaps write down some of the issues you'd like to bring up in a safe, neutral environment like you will be walking into. And also to just say a prayer and show up and let life happen.

It's hard to give up our "safe" place of peace, I know I have gone through times where I am very protective of that place. My recovery helps keep me strong but I am also aware of how fragile we can be when the scars of the past and the fears of the future torment us. Wise friends here have reminded me more than once to just live in today and let the joy of this one day shine through.

My prayers go out for both of you, and although you each have changed in these past 6 months, it sounds like you can grow together as you each continue this path.

Hugs