Addicts Addicts Everywhere
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Addicts Addicts Everywhere
I have my hands full with my RAH. Others in my life are effected by their own worries, though.
Situation #1
Friends of ours, a couple, are alcoholics. It's so bad now that when she goes to bed (he's usually passed out by 6pm,) he'll wake up and start wailing on her. She'll have a black eye the next day and he will say, "hey, where did you get that?" She'll tell him he did it. "Don't remember, wasn't me."
They barely have enough food to feed their children (3 beautiful children) because they are buying liquor.
Last night, he took her wedding ring and pawned it to get booze.
Her family has tried to help her. Her father set up a place for her and the kids to live. She gets to the last day when it's time to move out and then crumbles.
She has called the police, but when they get there she won't press charges. When they leave, he usually beats the hell out of her for trying to get him arrested.
He's hit on me. He's tried to fight with my husband. Last time we were there, he wanted to hold my 9 month old, I told him I had to go change her diaper. He forgot by the time I got back (thank God.)
They're both living in hell and their children are right there with them. Her family tries to be supportive and she won't take it. His family doesn't believe that their precious little boy could be an alcoholic. It's ugly. I fear the only way out for both is if she ends up in the hospital. What I do know is that if the kids are ever physically hurt (they have our phone number and are to call us if something gets out of hand,) we will get involved. Until then, I feel like our hands our completely tied because she won't press any charges.
He's had 3 DUI's and got out of his last community service because he knew someone at the state office who wrote his time off.
Ugly situation. I am not really asking for advice, more venting, I think. I do know that when my RAH sees their situation, it really breathes some reality into his own recovery. He sees what he never wants us to become.
Situation #2: The guy who lives next door does meth. He's done it for a long time. He has almost no teeth left. We can always tell when he's coming down because he starts screaming at everyone in the house.
Living with him are his son (20) and his son's wife (17.) They have a baby who is 6 months old. She smoked pot up to her last trimester. She was given a blood test halfway through her pregnancy because she had complications. They found the pot and she was told to get clean or she'd be talking with a social worker when the baby came. Baby came 2 weeks late and still only weighed 5.5 lb--grossly underweight. Both kids smoke pot now and drink excessively. They sleep until 2 or 3 am. The baby is on their hours. Usually, they just let it cry when it wakes up before they do. It's horrifying to imagine. I try not to think about it.
The meth-user next door also has a 15 year old daughter who stays with him on and off. He stopped taking her to school because he began fixing his car up and left it as an unfinished side-project. She was expelled after missing 2 weeks straight.
Today, he went to court and was told by the judge that he would not have any visitation rights with his daughter until he went through drug counseling. She's with her mom (who is a drug addict herself, and a self-proclaimed Mormon who lives with her husband and his "other wife.")
(big, deep breath)
I'm so saddened by incidents like this sometimes. The guy next door doesn't mention that he's fracked up his body and his life because of meth, he complains that the courts are unfair. The kids next door live on welfare and still cannot afford to buy diapers, baby wipes, formula. We offer stuff to them sometimes, but we're strapped for money as it is and we don't want to be taken advantage of. They've never paid us back or offered to. We do it because we don't want a tiny baby suffering. We think always of him.
What I hate the most is that this guy lives next door to us. My husband has to struggle knowing that he could just pop over to see the neighbor and use some dope. The guy knows my husband is in recovery and he'll still whip it out to smoke it, right there in front of him. My husband always excuses himself and comes home. Sometimes he goes for weeks without talking to anyone next door. He doesn't want the temptation.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I just needed to get some of this out of my head. It's spinning around in there and I have to let it go. This is the only way I know how, so please forgive the rambling and the length of it.
All I can do is ask that some of you send love and light to these people and pray with me that they'll want to get better and want to get out of the darkness they've found themselves in. I want happiness for them all.
Thank you for reading.
:ghug2
Situation #1
Friends of ours, a couple, are alcoholics. It's so bad now that when she goes to bed (he's usually passed out by 6pm,) he'll wake up and start wailing on her. She'll have a black eye the next day and he will say, "hey, where did you get that?" She'll tell him he did it. "Don't remember, wasn't me."
They barely have enough food to feed their children (3 beautiful children) because they are buying liquor.
Last night, he took her wedding ring and pawned it to get booze.
Her family has tried to help her. Her father set up a place for her and the kids to live. She gets to the last day when it's time to move out and then crumbles.
She has called the police, but when they get there she won't press charges. When they leave, he usually beats the hell out of her for trying to get him arrested.
He's hit on me. He's tried to fight with my husband. Last time we were there, he wanted to hold my 9 month old, I told him I had to go change her diaper. He forgot by the time I got back (thank God.)
They're both living in hell and their children are right there with them. Her family tries to be supportive and she won't take it. His family doesn't believe that their precious little boy could be an alcoholic. It's ugly. I fear the only way out for both is if she ends up in the hospital. What I do know is that if the kids are ever physically hurt (they have our phone number and are to call us if something gets out of hand,) we will get involved. Until then, I feel like our hands our completely tied because she won't press any charges.
He's had 3 DUI's and got out of his last community service because he knew someone at the state office who wrote his time off.
Ugly situation. I am not really asking for advice, more venting, I think. I do know that when my RAH sees their situation, it really breathes some reality into his own recovery. He sees what he never wants us to become.
Situation #2: The guy who lives next door does meth. He's done it for a long time. He has almost no teeth left. We can always tell when he's coming down because he starts screaming at everyone in the house.
Living with him are his son (20) and his son's wife (17.) They have a baby who is 6 months old. She smoked pot up to her last trimester. She was given a blood test halfway through her pregnancy because she had complications. They found the pot and she was told to get clean or she'd be talking with a social worker when the baby came. Baby came 2 weeks late and still only weighed 5.5 lb--grossly underweight. Both kids smoke pot now and drink excessively. They sleep until 2 or 3 am. The baby is on their hours. Usually, they just let it cry when it wakes up before they do. It's horrifying to imagine. I try not to think about it.
The meth-user next door also has a 15 year old daughter who stays with him on and off. He stopped taking her to school because he began fixing his car up and left it as an unfinished side-project. She was expelled after missing 2 weeks straight.
Today, he went to court and was told by the judge that he would not have any visitation rights with his daughter until he went through drug counseling. She's with her mom (who is a drug addict herself, and a self-proclaimed Mormon who lives with her husband and his "other wife.")
(big, deep breath)
I'm so saddened by incidents like this sometimes. The guy next door doesn't mention that he's fracked up his body and his life because of meth, he complains that the courts are unfair. The kids next door live on welfare and still cannot afford to buy diapers, baby wipes, formula. We offer stuff to them sometimes, but we're strapped for money as it is and we don't want to be taken advantage of. They've never paid us back or offered to. We do it because we don't want a tiny baby suffering. We think always of him.
What I hate the most is that this guy lives next door to us. My husband has to struggle knowing that he could just pop over to see the neighbor and use some dope. The guy knows my husband is in recovery and he'll still whip it out to smoke it, right there in front of him. My husband always excuses himself and comes home. Sometimes he goes for weeks without talking to anyone next door. He doesn't want the temptation.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I just needed to get some of this out of my head. It's spinning around in there and I have to let it go. This is the only way I know how, so please forgive the rambling and the length of it.
All I can do is ask that some of you send love and light to these people and pray with me that they'll want to get better and want to get out of the darkness they've found themselves in. I want happiness for them all.
Thank you for reading.
:ghug2
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
It's sad, huh?
I'm much older than my ex. I grew up in the 80s, and I remember blow doing a number on a lot of people, famous or otherwise. I thought maybe people learned lessons from that.
No...now I'm dealing with the growing awareness that my ex did blow. Another friend who's younger said she was up in San Francisco at a party and everyone was doing blow.
My ex lives in a house where everyone smokes pot. It's full of a bunch of 20-something people who just sit around and don't even work-they just get high. Hmm...he kept saying he was moving out of there and somehow never did; now I understand why. Not that he smoked pot, but I'm sure it was a conducive environment for his drug use.
I hate to sound like an old fogey but what's wrong with the younger generation?
I'm much older than my ex. I grew up in the 80s, and I remember blow doing a number on a lot of people, famous or otherwise. I thought maybe people learned lessons from that.
No...now I'm dealing with the growing awareness that my ex did blow. Another friend who's younger said she was up in San Francisco at a party and everyone was doing blow.
My ex lives in a house where everyone smokes pot. It's full of a bunch of 20-something people who just sit around and don't even work-they just get high. Hmm...he kept saying he was moving out of there and somehow never did; now I understand why. Not that he smoked pot, but I'm sure it was a conducive environment for his drug use.
I hate to sound like an old fogey but what's wrong with the younger generation?
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Yes, I feel for you being next door to a situation like that, but please, notify the proper authorities. I had tears running down my face as I read your thread.
If the three kids who's parents are a mess wasn't bad enough, the 6 month old baby's situation breaks my heart. I cannot even imagine what the living situation in that kind of home is like. I'm sure the basic needs of food/fluids, bathing, basic hygiene and being dressed properly for the weather are not being met. Much less being loved and treated like the special Blessing that they are.
This child's life sounds as though it is in serious danger. I think the only thing that may be protecting this baby right now is being in a crib. Can you imagine when he begins walking? What will he be getting into. These kind of people who are not taking care of a child now sure aren't going to be baby proofing the home when those two little legs take those precious two hands and ten fingers around where they can get into anything and everything. I hate to think of what this child may put in his mouth.
Please, we Pray at the close of meetings for the little children who have no say so in the matter. You can help this baby.
God Bless,
Judy
If the three kids who's parents are a mess wasn't bad enough, the 6 month old baby's situation breaks my heart. I cannot even imagine what the living situation in that kind of home is like. I'm sure the basic needs of food/fluids, bathing, basic hygiene and being dressed properly for the weather are not being met. Much less being loved and treated like the special Blessing that they are.
This child's life sounds as though it is in serious danger. I think the only thing that may be protecting this baby right now is being in a crib. Can you imagine when he begins walking? What will he be getting into. These kind of people who are not taking care of a child now sure aren't going to be baby proofing the home when those two little legs take those precious two hands and ten fingers around where they can get into anything and everything. I hate to think of what this child may put in his mouth.
Please, we Pray at the close of meetings for the little children who have no say so in the matter. You can help this baby.
God Bless,
Judy
hopefull husband
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 38
Wow. I can only imaging how much harder that makes it for your husband. And the baby and 15 yr old daughter over there sure don't have much of a chance. It's great that you are keeping an eye on them and ready to help. A lot of kids in that position don't have even that.
You're right, it's everywhere.
I definitely understand. I'm in a similar position. If I could afford to fix all the damage to our house (addiction related), we'd be leaving here. Pot growing alchoholic married to a meth addict across the street and meth addict on the other side of us. They were my AW's social circle before she left for rehab. Now she's coming home in a few weeks, and I leave for several months right after. I can't leave her in that position, so she's getting out of town for the summer to her parents.
I'll send the love and light to your neighbors, because I'm afraid to say I can't and won't give any to mine.
It's so sad how many people are affected, especially how many kids. And it seems that it's not until you've been affected by it yourself that you can truly see how it affects them. We have therapy, places like this, meetings etc, and they have nothing but thier messed up environment, until they are old enough to get help on thier own, or start the cycle all over.
As far as your friends, the "glass half full" side is definitely that your AH has such a negative role model to remind him of where he doesn't want to be.
You're right, it's everywhere.
I definitely understand. I'm in a similar position. If I could afford to fix all the damage to our house (addiction related), we'd be leaving here. Pot growing alchoholic married to a meth addict across the street and meth addict on the other side of us. They were my AW's social circle before she left for rehab. Now she's coming home in a few weeks, and I leave for several months right after. I can't leave her in that position, so she's getting out of town for the summer to her parents.
I'll send the love and light to your neighbors, because I'm afraid to say I can't and won't give any to mine.
It's so sad how many people are affected, especially how many kids. And it seems that it's not until you've been affected by it yourself that you can truly see how it affects them. We have therapy, places like this, meetings etc, and they have nothing but thier messed up environment, until they are old enough to get help on thier own, or start the cycle all over.
As far as your friends, the "glass half full" side is definitely that your AH has such a negative role model to remind him of where he doesn't want to be.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
I get it... my awareness is so high now, I see it so much MORE than before.
But I gotta say - ANY situation involving kids - including the alcholic couple - should be reported to child protective services. Kids have no advocates when their parents are addicts. I pray your call can mean an intervention in their lives.
((hugs))
But I gotta say - ANY situation involving kids - including the alcholic couple - should be reported to child protective services. Kids have no advocates when their parents are addicts. I pray your call can mean an intervention in their lives.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Over Here!
Posts: 15
The problem is that (at least in my neck of the woods) Social Services won't do anything unless there is a "cumulative risk". Meaning that unless they get X number of phone calls within X amount of time, from DIFFERENT people, they can't won't don't do anything.
I know a kid who is almost 12 now- druggie parents. when he was about 2, I went over to their house. No one answered the door. There's the kid, standing on the back of the couch wearing only a diaper (Very soiled diaper at that) beating on the single-pane plate glass picture window.. screaming and crying. No one answered the door. No one answered the phone. We couldn't get in to help the baby, so we called 911. No one came. We called DSHS and got the run around. (that "cumulative risk" spiel.)
That kid, almost 12 now, has some SERIOUS emotional and psychological issues. In fact, he's a little scary. I wouldn't leave him alone with my kids, that's for sure.
There's always a chance that the kids in these situations can grow up, realize how screwed up it all is, and somehow find their own way in the world despite the insurmountable odds. Chances are better, though, that those crappy parents and grandparents are raising a whole generation of sociopaths.
My own upbringing was pretty rocky, but rather than injuring me beyond repair, driving me to drugs as a solution (or a sedative), or turning me into a sadistic or a statistic, it just made me want to FIX everyone. I've come to realize that I can't do that- (finally) especially if my "causes" have no desire to be "fixed"-
I feel for those children. I know you're not in a position to help them very much, but do offer a listening ear and a strong shoulder if and when you can. That's what kids in horrible living conditions need, more than anything.
I know a kid who is almost 12 now- druggie parents. when he was about 2, I went over to their house. No one answered the door. There's the kid, standing on the back of the couch wearing only a diaper (Very soiled diaper at that) beating on the single-pane plate glass picture window.. screaming and crying. No one answered the door. No one answered the phone. We couldn't get in to help the baby, so we called 911. No one came. We called DSHS and got the run around. (that "cumulative risk" spiel.)
That kid, almost 12 now, has some SERIOUS emotional and psychological issues. In fact, he's a little scary. I wouldn't leave him alone with my kids, that's for sure.
There's always a chance that the kids in these situations can grow up, realize how screwed up it all is, and somehow find their own way in the world despite the insurmountable odds. Chances are better, though, that those crappy parents and grandparents are raising a whole generation of sociopaths.
My own upbringing was pretty rocky, but rather than injuring me beyond repair, driving me to drugs as a solution (or a sedative), or turning me into a sadistic or a statistic, it just made me want to FIX everyone. I've come to realize that I can't do that- (finally) especially if my "causes" have no desire to be "fixed"-
I feel for those children. I know you're not in a position to help them very much, but do offer a listening ear and a strong shoulder if and when you can. That's what kids in horrible living conditions need, more than anything.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
The problem is that (at least in my neck of the woods) Social Services won't do anything unless there is a "cumulative risk".
Maybe other people have already called and reported things... and SS only needs one more...
rozied
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: PA, USA
Posts: 1,292
You know it bpggles my mind that you must be drug tested to hold a decent job but to collect welfare you don't have to have a drug test. This seems so very wrong to me cuz if the parents are addicted & get money & benefits for & cause of children there is no guarantee the money etc will be used for what it was intended.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by rozied 
You know it bpggles my mind that you must be drug tested to hold a decent job but to collect welfare you don't have to have a drug test.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Taiwan (expat)
Posts: 52
I lived in an area that had GREAT GRANDPARENTS who were 55 - 60 years old.
People drank all day, every day, and had "affairs" with so many people the whole area was related in some way.
When crack moved into my area, it killed much of the OLDER generation off first, the long term alcoholics, as well as the alcoholic drug addicts.
Then the kids became addicted, and of course they had babies of their own, so those kids grew up with addicts all around them, and a lot of them have stories of sexual abuse (at the hands of the cracked out, alcoholic "family friend" who was crashing on the couch for a while) that are heartwrenching as well as terrifying.
People drank all day, every day, and had "affairs" with so many people the whole area was related in some way.
When crack moved into my area, it killed much of the OLDER generation off first, the long term alcoholics, as well as the alcoholic drug addicts.
Then the kids became addicted, and of course they had babies of their own, so those kids grew up with addicts all around them, and a lot of them have stories of sexual abuse (at the hands of the cracked out, alcoholic "family friend" who was crashing on the couch for a while) that are heartwrenching as well as terrifying.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
Your post brought tears to my eyes...I am blessed to live in a gentler environment ....it didn't spare us from the pain and suffering of drug abuse but I have never been witness to the situations you described....
I agree that no matter how useless you may "think" a phone call or a 911 report will be you still need to make the call....a 6 month old baby needs an advocate and like it or not it may have to be you
as for the children of the family "friends" they too need a "voice" in all that madness.....punching a spouse while asleep can easily expand to hitting a child or abusing a child.....claiming amnesia the next day sounds like a cop-out to me
sorry if I seem harsh but these things can't be ignored...not when children are involved....
I agree that no matter how useless you may "think" a phone call or a 911 report will be you still need to make the call....a 6 month old baby needs an advocate and like it or not it may have to be you
as for the children of the family "friends" they too need a "voice" in all that madness.....punching a spouse while asleep can easily expand to hitting a child or abusing a child.....claiming amnesia the next day sounds like a cop-out to me
sorry if I seem harsh but these things can't be ignored...not when children are involved....
hopefull husband
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 38
From what you wrote in another thread it sounds like the baby has been removed from the house. That's great.
You ought to take some credit for helping that baby. All the "love and light" you asked for and got for that child helped her. Lots of prayers were going her way and I'd say they got answered. So you played a part. I'm happy to hear baby may have a chance at a better life.
You ought to take some credit for helping that baby. All the "love and light" you asked for and got for that child helped her. Lots of prayers were going her way and I'd say they got answered. So you played a part. I'm happy to hear baby may have a chance at a better life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
I'm happy, too. But it's because the kids who had the baby probably just didn't want to be parents anymore and slapped the child on mom/dad to take care of. Granted, it's best for the baby, but it makes me really sad to imagine someone not wanting that little baby--because they'd rather get high and sleep all day.
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