Nikki221

I'm going to go to my first naranon meeting in my area tonight and I'm actually kind of nervous about it. I don't usually divulge the fact that my boyfriend is a drug addict to just anyone. It's hard for me to imagine myself sitting around a bunch of strangers and talking about what I'm dealing with. Only a few people know the severity of my boyfriend's drug problem and the constant battle I live with everyday. I feel like most people don't understand what I'm going through so I try to hide it and keep it a secret. I don't want anyone to judge me based on that. Recently, my ABF's drug use has started to get really bad again. He was doing good for awhile by staying clean and looking at rehabs, but now he's back to using the oxy's, xanax, and morphine patches. He's staying up all night and sleeping all day while I'm at work. Last weekend he took money from me because "Well I had it and he didn't think it was a big deal." The only time he gets up early is when he needs to take my car to go get more drugs so he has to drop me off. I'm paying all the bills because he's not working unless you call selling a few drugs here and there a "real job." He keeps saying he's going to find a job because he's sick of not having money, but quite honestly I'm sick of hearing it. Quit talking about it and be about it. I'm sick of cleaning up after him and his messes. I come home after a full day at work and he can't even pick up the house because he's too busy playing videogames or getting high. We don't have sex and some nights don't even sleep in the same bed. I just don't know when enough is going to finally be enough for me, but I think the time is approaching very fast. I'm on an emotional roller coaster and it's affecting every aspect of my life. I love him and I've stuck by him for so long now...6 years, but I think I've almost hit my rock bottom with him. I've tried and tried to help, but I'm all out of tries at this point. I've been supportive, understanding, and encouraging but none of that matters unless he wants to do something for himself. A part of me wants to break free from this crazy life, but another part of me can't imagine not being with him. I feel like I've been dealing with this craziness for so long that I'm damaged goods and wouldn't even know how to function in a normal environment. How could someone like me who doesn't even do drugs end up with an addict...it's so frustrating. I don't want to waste another 6 years of my life going through this. Hopefully naranon will give me some good insight!!! Wish me luck...

mistercm

I’m at the same place as you are. I understand what you’re going through. I’m going to my first meeting tonight as well. I’m nervous too, but I think it will be ok; I know that there are people there who have gone through the same as you and me; and in some cases maybe worse than us. We’ll make through this. All of us; I do remember something from a friend of mine who went to ALANON, (who is taking me with them tonight) the first thing he told me after he heard about my problem was. You can't control them, this is not your fault, you can’t fix them, and you can only fix yourself. I hope your first meeting goes well. I’ll be thinking about you and praying for you. Let us know how it went.

Blessed be.

renee33

Gosh I know how you feel I dealing with the same issues right now with my AH, my husband has only been using for a yr. I'm kinda in the same boat as you I will be attending my first naranon meeting this friday. I'm not sure what its going to be like and how it's going to be to share my life with other people face to face but then again I also look at is, It cant be any worse then me not sharing any of my feeling like I do now. I just found this great web site and I already feel that I'm not alone. In may ways I didnt have anyone that could relate to me and my husbands addiction problem. It's nice to talk to people who have been where im now and people like who are dealing with it like I'm. The support is great to have.

As I have been told which is so hard for me IS I need to start taking care of myself. So good luck withyour meeting and let me know how it worked for you?

Lovestoomuch

When is enough finally enough?

Enough is finally enough when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving. This will be different for everyone.

I was nervous about my first meeting too, but I gotta tell you.......I'm glad I made myself walk through those doors. I didn't say anything the first meeting.........cried a lot, but said nothing. Keep one thing in mind. His addiction isn't a reflection on you and who you are. His addiction isn't your weight to carry. All said with love.

Spiritual Seeker

The situation and boyfriend you describe would certainly be enough for me.
A relationship could be and equal partnership.
Now you are enabling him to live in addiction and you to live in chaos + pain.

Nar-anon or Al-anon either one can help you. If you keep going back and work the program it will let you learn abt. yourself, give you a support system, make friends who can see the whole picture, gain the courage + strength to make the choices that will alow you to change.
The definition of insanity is doing the same things over + over and expecting diff. results.
it does sound like you are ready to stop the insanity.

BayAreaPhoenix

You will know - as lovestoomuch said - when staying is worse than leaving.

I've been divorcing my AH since Sept or Oct. I didn't know he was an A until after I said I wanted a divorce, but the behaviors for almost our whole time together are what finally got me there. It has been a struggle in some ways, but I can see myself coming out the other side and understanding what these kind and gentle folk having been telling me and helping with all these months. It just takes a little while to feel it.

I think the meeting tonight will be more enlightening than intimidating. Talking and getting it out releases your attachment to his disease. That is the biggest step! IMO anyway. When I finally said out loud everything that I've been holding in all these years - the output of support was amazing! Turns out I work for a 20 year recovery addict who knew the meeting schedules of Alanon in our town, so off I went - scared or not, I reached out, he offered advice, I was not about to say no. Then when I questioned if he was off the DOC and all was OK, my boss yanked me into NA meetings too so I could see for myself what real recovery work looked like. By being open about what I was going through, I have been led on this path of self-recovery and self-discovery, I wouldn't trade! I wish you the same experience. Not saying it's not been confusing, exhausting, and everything else in between, but I have connected to so many wonderful people and experiences and ideas - hard to say that it's not been a good thing.

Let us know how your meeting goes!

(((hugs))) Strenth and courage! Remember, you are worth a happy and healthy life!

Freedom1990

Why would he change? He's got a place to stay, food in his belly, you pay all the expenses, and he gets to use your car! That is an addict's dream!

If nothing changes, nothing changes

mistercm

Whew, Thank you I needed to be reminded of that in my situation. IT'S TIME TO GO!

rahsue

I guess the best words I can think of right now is "the truth will set you free". Stop trying to protect him from his own actions. The quicker you can get all the support you deserve the better you will be and you will get support. If the judgmental remarks come, let them, you'll know where your support is coming from and where it's not.
Believe me, when you can start talking about it you will feel so free, really, free.

good luck