A Rough Week
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 32
A Rough Week
I came onto the forum just to let you know about ryan's funeral. The first thing I read was about Stephensmom. I am just devastated and I hurt so badly for her. Addiction is cruel and evil and I am very angry about Ryan's fraternity brother that first introduced him to heroin because Ryan was hooked from that moment. what a horrible way to live, if you can call it living at all.
Ryan's funeral Mass was beautiful. The church was packed; I didn't even know half the people. Ryan had oviously touched so many people and they loved him. We started with the song "Angel" by Sarah McLauglin. A perfect song, especially for one who has died of an overdose. The viewing the day before was so hard to go through. I do not think I could have gone through that without the support of family and friends. I talked with Ryan then and just kept patting his hands and rubbing his cheeks. I just needed to touch him, even if he was dead. Then just last Thursday was his burial, a touching ceremony. I hated that all 3 events were spaced out over 3 days but it couldn't be helped.
The last of my guests went home today. I do not know quite what to do with myself. Part of me wants to just cry my eyes out. The other part tells me to clean up and put things away and to start on my road to recovery.
Thank you for all you wonderful thoughts and prayers and for providing me with your support. Thank you also to those who sent me private messages. They were wonderful.
Ryan's funeral Mass was beautiful. The church was packed; I didn't even know half the people. Ryan had oviously touched so many people and they loved him. We started with the song "Angel" by Sarah McLauglin. A perfect song, especially for one who has died of an overdose. The viewing the day before was so hard to go through. I do not think I could have gone through that without the support of family and friends. I talked with Ryan then and just kept patting his hands and rubbing his cheeks. I just needed to touch him, even if he was dead. Then just last Thursday was his burial, a touching ceremony. I hated that all 3 events were spaced out over 3 days but it couldn't be helped.
The last of my guests went home today. I do not know quite what to do with myself. Part of me wants to just cry my eyes out. The other part tells me to clean up and put things away and to start on my road to recovery.
Thank you for all you wonderful thoughts and prayers and for providing me with your support. Thank you also to those who sent me private messages. They were wonderful.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
hey nenacarol.
(((HUGS)))
my heart is breaking reading your post and again I am so so sorry that you lost your son. It is exactly because on some level, daily, we all know addiction can end in an untimely death that it causes such a strong unmanageable reaction in those of us trying to deal with the addicted loved one.
I just finished an amazing book of poems called "Life as a Novice" by Jeffrey Kane. He lost his son five years ago. It's a pretty intense and moving little book.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family--
:praying
B.
(((HUGS)))
my heart is breaking reading your post and again I am so so sorry that you lost your son. It is exactly because on some level, daily, we all know addiction can end in an untimely death that it causes such a strong unmanageable reaction in those of us trying to deal with the addicted loved one.
I just finished an amazing book of poems called "Life as a Novice" by Jeffrey Kane. He lost his son five years ago. It's a pretty intense and moving little book.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family--
:praying
B.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
(((nenacarol))))
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Let yourself do whatever you need to do. The grieving process cannot be denied, whether that be crying or cleaning. My heart breaks for you, and all parents especially, who lose to this horrible disease.
:praying
Hugs and prayers to you.
Be good to yourself
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Let yourself do whatever you need to do. The grieving process cannot be denied, whether that be crying or cleaning. My heart breaks for you, and all parents especially, who lose to this horrible disease.
:praying
Hugs and prayers to you.
Be good to yourself
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
((((Nenacarol))))
I know your week was physically and emotionally draining. I'm not sure what is best for you right now when others have left; I just know that you need to be very gentle with yourself. If it helps you to clean, clean. If you need a good cry, please cry. I know for me, I sometimes had to keep moving and so my house was cleaner than it almost ever is. Other times I felt like I just could not get out of bed. But I came to understand what other moms here who have walked through the pain of loosing a child taught me, that each moment grieving can be different, and that there is no "right" way to get through it; just do whatever feels right in your heart.
I too am very connected with the song In the Arms of an Angel. To me it captures both the despair my daughter felt and the peace she has found. I have struggled too with forgiving the boy who told her she would feel good snorting heroin and that it wasn't bad since she wasn' injecting. I know he too was sick, and that has helped me let go of some of the anger and ask God to help him and to help me forgive him.
Ryan's services sound beautiful. I know he touched so many lives and I also know that his message is not forgotten. We may not ever know who our children helped, but I know they helped at least one person.
There is something very beautiful and touching I find when I go to my daughter' gravesite. First it was a white keytag...then a 30 day; a 90 day, a 6 month, nine month and now a year. Someone...someone touched by my angel, found sobriety because of Kristen. Her life had meaning and Ryan's life had meaning too. I hope the joys and wonder of Ryan's brief time with you will bring you comfort as you grieve for him. Many hugs of comfort and prayers too.
I know your week was physically and emotionally draining. I'm not sure what is best for you right now when others have left; I just know that you need to be very gentle with yourself. If it helps you to clean, clean. If you need a good cry, please cry. I know for me, I sometimes had to keep moving and so my house was cleaner than it almost ever is. Other times I felt like I just could not get out of bed. But I came to understand what other moms here who have walked through the pain of loosing a child taught me, that each moment grieving can be different, and that there is no "right" way to get through it; just do whatever feels right in your heart.
I too am very connected with the song In the Arms of an Angel. To me it captures both the despair my daughter felt and the peace she has found. I have struggled too with forgiving the boy who told her she would feel good snorting heroin and that it wasn't bad since she wasn' injecting. I know he too was sick, and that has helped me let go of some of the anger and ask God to help him and to help me forgive him.
Ryan's services sound beautiful. I know he touched so many lives and I also know that his message is not forgotten. We may not ever know who our children helped, but I know they helped at least one person.
There is something very beautiful and touching I find when I go to my daughter' gravesite. First it was a white keytag...then a 30 day; a 90 day, a 6 month, nine month and now a year. Someone...someone touched by my angel, found sobriety because of Kristen. Her life had meaning and Ryan's life had meaning too. I hope the joys and wonder of Ryan's brief time with you will bring you comfort as you grieve for him. Many hugs of comfort and prayers too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
(((nenacarol)))
I'm sorry I didn't see your original post.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Just my opinion but I think the funeral isn't the hardest part- our feelings are not suddenly over. Grief and mourning is hard and takes time. Be kind to yourself.
Sending you a big cyber hug:ghug
I'm sorry I didn't see your original post.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Just my opinion but I think the funeral isn't the hardest part- our feelings are not suddenly over. Grief and mourning is hard and takes time. Be kind to yourself.
Sending you a big cyber hug:ghug
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Nenacarol,
You are so strong, so very strong. I just bet your son is so proud to have you for his mom. He will always be your Ryan and you will always be his mom. God bless him.
He would want you to take care of yourself. So do whatever you want to do, not what you think you should be doing or what others tell you to do. Just do what you want to do.
Blessings on you and your family........Lo
You are so strong, so very strong. I just bet your son is so proud to have you for his mom. He will always be your Ryan and you will always be his mom. God bless him.
He would want you to take care of yourself. So do whatever you want to do, not what you think you should be doing or what others tell you to do. Just do what you want to do.
Blessings on you and your family........Lo
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((nenacarol))))
I know all you have gone thru is just awful. I would like to point out just in case you did not know that there is a "grief forum" right here at SR. I send my support and prayers.
I know all you have gone thru is just awful. I would like to point out just in case you did not know that there is a "grief forum" right here at SR. I send my support and prayers.
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