rose

Hi Everyone,

Well I saw my exah, it has been over a year. It was my choice, I knew where he was. The divorce and all is final, started clearing things out of here and I really got hit with a whammy, I just had in the back of my mind of how it was for weeks now. To explain, my dad passed on 4 months previous to my husband getting onto the crack, when I think of my dad now I don't think of him in his sick time, I remember him as my big o'l strong dad, at times I think of how sick he was. but mostly of when he was heathy.

I guess as the time has passed and not seeing my ex and seeing and moving the things out just put me in a place of before he got so sick on the drugs.
I was tossing things out and then running back and grabbing them back out again. My head was so running and with not knowing were or what he was doing I could not go on peacefully. So I found him, when we first saw each other we just both cried and cried. We spent a day together, it just ended back to square one, he claims my actions of removing him from the house, the courts, the police, his parents have all put him where he is. We should have all just let him get over it his own way. His teeth are black spaced and look like they are ready to fall out...cries about how he has to go to the food bank and that is what and where we put him. Know now that I have the house, says that he was waiting for the day that he got his share....how he had so many plans to get his life back on track with this money. He lives in a rooming house, full of addicts. I asked him why can't you get a job, well I have no car to get to a job and owes thousands to insure a car for previous charges. Well I said we didn't do that, you did, he said well I had to take that job because we put him in a place where he lost his truck.

I gave him some jeans that where at my house and a novel and gave him a hug and told him that I love him and to always have hope in life. He hugged me back, I think that I will never see him again, he is so sick, but I know that my last words to him is that I love him.

I came back and know that it is ok to move on, I tried again but he is know where near better or going in that direction. Something I just had to do....I now know I can go.....

I am ok and feel better that I don't have that wonder in my mind...

All is good,

Rose

hope213

sometimes after all this time we do have to see for ours selves that nothing has changed. it is good to see you & i am glad you updated. go on with your life there is alot out there waiting for you. hugs & prayers,

Ann

I think it's about closure, Rose, a peaceful way to say goodbye and close the door on the past. It is only then that we can open the door of new beginnings and start to live our lives anew.

I'm sorry he still suffers, I'm sorry he is no closer to changing and still blaming everyone else. But it is what it is and even as sad and sorry as he is, his HP will watch over him through all this.

Sending hugs, Rose, and prayers for you too, that your new beginnings bring you happiness, light and love.

Hugs

greeteachday

((((Rose))))
I'm glad you had that closure. Reading your post, I could really understand why you needed to see him again. That was a strong act on your part and it truly shows where your recovery has taken you. You've moved beyond the detaching in anger to detaching with love. Prayers for him that some day he will find his way and for you and your family that moving forward continues to bring peace and happiness.

frankly

((Rose))

I can't say it any better than those before me. It was a good thing. Sad, but good. Sending prayers for you, him and your boys.

Hugs
B

shockozulu

Rose, I really appreciated the way you ended the encounter. As you know, the addict in my life is ill, and she may go next week, or ten years from now. She is still addicted, still manipulative, and yet I always end our conversations with "I love you, Mom".

Its important to me that she knows this. I may hate her disease and what it has done to her, but yes I will always love the person I once knew.

I'm now shedding a few tears, some for you and some for me. They are healing tears. Take care my friend. You are a very good person.

rose

Thanks everyone for so understanding. I didn't tell my boys but I did tell my mom and sisters and they are so mad at me. Something they just don't understand of why I had to do it. Only until truly have you gone through something like this do you understand, as close as my family is they just can't understand it.

Thanks,

Rose

best

Rose

The time was right.

If you did so the last time you said you wanted to...it may not have been as peaceful an experience.

The time was right and you did good.

*HUG*

CatsPajamas

Rose,
I've done the same with at least one of my exA's. I was able to let him know that I will always care for him and hate his disease. I didn't invite him back into my life, in fact he knows for sure now that he's not ever going to be a part of my life again. It was good to have that closure. And I have not told very many people about it, because they wouldn't understand.

Isn't it great that we have a place like this full of loving friends who totally "get it" ?

hello-kitty

My ex is in the same late-stage of addiction that yours is Rose and I can feel your pain. It's heartbreaking. As is my own.

There's nothing you can do and it's not your fault. My ex does the same thing - it's my fault he got arrested, lost his teeth and is smoking crack again. He said that if I would let him live with us, he wouldn't smoke crack anymore.

We all know that is a lie.

But it's hard to watch them kill themselves. However, they are pretty resilient and will probably live a lot longer than they should considering the lifestye they are leading. They remind me of Golum in the Lord of the Rings. Chasing their "precious" drug. Knowing that it is killing them, blaming the world for their problems. But not stopping. They could get better if they really wanted too. I guess there are some that can't though.

I'm glad you saw your ex. It hurts but at least for me, it helps to say goodbye.