Well, that was awful!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 64
Well, that was awful!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just drove my BF to the bus station, so he could catch the bus to jail. He has to go for 10 days for a DUI (that he got 1 week b4 our baby was due). He of course spent the whole afternoon getting loaded. Had me drive him by the liquor store to pick up some liquor for the bus ride. I'll be surprised if he even makes it to jail without getting arrested again.
My sister had a baby 2 days ago by c-section and is going home from the hospital today. I need to go and help her. She came and helped us when we had our baby. I had been avoiding discussing my plans for the trip, because I knew whatever they were, he wouldn't approve. Well, on the way to the bus stop he proceeds to start screaming at me from the back seat where he is sitting next to our 4-month old about how I don't have a plan and that I'm probably just going to leave the cat to die and put the dogs in a kennel and he won't be able to talk to me if I'm not at the house because he can't call out to a cell phone and it's my fault that he got the DUI because I told him there would be drugs here (where we moved) and there weren't so he had to drive to get them and so it's my fault that he's going to jail and I'm completely heartless because I'm going on vacation while he does hard time.
I was a nervous wreck the whole time. It just puts my stomach in knots. I didn't say one word back to him. I wanted to argue my side, but I knew it was pointless.
My sister had a baby 2 days ago by c-section and is going home from the hospital today. I need to go and help her. She came and helped us when we had our baby. I had been avoiding discussing my plans for the trip, because I knew whatever they were, he wouldn't approve. Well, on the way to the bus stop he proceeds to start screaming at me from the back seat where he is sitting next to our 4-month old about how I don't have a plan and that I'm probably just going to leave the cat to die and put the dogs in a kennel and he won't be able to talk to me if I'm not at the house because he can't call out to a cell phone and it's my fault that he got the DUI because I told him there would be drugs here (where we moved) and there weren't so he had to drive to get them and so it's my fault that he's going to jail and I'm completely heartless because I'm going on vacation while he does hard time.
I was a nervous wreck the whole time. It just puts my stomach in knots. I didn't say one word back to him. I wanted to argue my side, but I knew it was pointless.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Biocat)))
As hard as it is, don't take it personal. He is simply lashing out because he's mad that he's having to pay consequences of his actions. We usually lash out at the people we're closest too. I know that, even as a child (and NOT an addict yet), that I would take out my frustrations on my mom...I knew she'd love me even when I was a jerk. Luckily, she usually put me in my place
I hope he makes it to jail, but whatever happens....there HIS consequences and HE needs to deal with them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As hard as it is, don't take it personal. He is simply lashing out because he's mad that he's having to pay consequences of his actions. We usually lash out at the people we're closest too. I know that, even as a child (and NOT an addict yet), that I would take out my frustrations on my mom...I knew she'd love me even when I was a jerk. Luckily, she usually put me in my place
I hope he makes it to jail, but whatever happens....there HIS consequences and HE needs to deal with them.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
biocat,
Hugs to you, it's so heartbreaking to hear the abuse he is slinging at you,
but of course he knows you're his "safe" person to project onto, because you have the baby, and you love him. You know none of it is YOUR fault.
No one deserves that emotional abuse. Perhaps you can find a meeting you can attend, to gain some strength.
Hugs to you sweetie,
Hugs to you, it's so heartbreaking to hear the abuse he is slinging at you,
but of course he knows you're his "safe" person to project onto, because you have the baby, and you love him. You know none of it is YOUR fault.
No one deserves that emotional abuse. Perhaps you can find a meeting you can attend, to gain some strength.
Hugs to you sweetie,
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Biocat,
That's what we call quacking. If you take the words of the A and just substitute quack quack QUACK for most of them, those words don't have any power to hurt you.
I think it's great that you and your sweet baby will have some time to relax at your sister's house. Perhaps you can find some good books - I recommend Melody Beattie's Co Dependent No More. Perhaps you can find an Al Anon meeting. They are often listed in the blue pages of a city's phone book.
This might be a good time for you to journal, too. What are your hopes and dreams for yourself, your life? What are your hopes for your baby? Is this the life you want for both of you?
Big hugs to you and your baby too!
Cats
That's what we call quacking. If you take the words of the A and just substitute quack quack QUACK for most of them, those words don't have any power to hurt you.
I think it's great that you and your sweet baby will have some time to relax at your sister's house. Perhaps you can find some good books - I recommend Melody Beattie's Co Dependent No More. Perhaps you can find an Al Anon meeting. They are often listed in the blue pages of a city's phone book.
This might be a good time for you to journal, too. What are your hopes and dreams for yourself, your life? What are your hopes for your baby? Is this the life you want for both of you?
Big hugs to you and your baby too!
Cats
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 64
Update: He has called me from JAX (where he has to go to jail) about 5 times this morning. Of course, he is being really nice like the yelling in the car never happened. He is nervous about going to jail. Voice is shaky. I feel really bad for him. I wish he hadn't gotten himself in this situation. I hope he will be ok in there (if he decides to go, last call he was standing across the street looking at the jail).
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Biocat. Are you accepting collect calls from jail? WARNING! They are super super expensive!!!!! Just beware ok. Feel bad for yourself and your child, not him. Your bf is verbally abusing and leaving you to take care of a 4 month old because he chose to go out and drive while drunk. He's lucky he didn't kill anyone.
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