Hit me with a Bang!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Hit me with a Bang!!!
Hi everyone,
Well my last post was positive and some closure, as I had been to court and got my divorce and the house....on cloud 9. So I am selling and moving, going to go smaller, boys getting older this place is to much for me to keep up on. So the work began and I got a big garbage bin in her just to through out....not 2 hours into it I was crying..I came across his jean jacket, threw it in the bin and then I was out there finding it again. I found it and cried so hard. I thought to myself that I have to get this to him, it is all lined with fleese, how he could use it. I have so many blankets, how he could use them. I was planning on going to the town where he lives and trying to track him down and give these things to him. I contacted my (the not so crazy sister in law). She said she would help me find him, but really thought that it was not a good idea/ She said he is totally a street person, a big long beard walks with a limp because he had been run over on his bike by a drug dealer, lives in sheds and on who couch he can lay on for the night. She had him there for Christmas day and he slept for 18hrs straight and then left again.
Do I really want to see this, I just thought if he saw me one more time, where was my mind...how many one more times do I do it, when I so know the end outcome. I fought so hard to end it...but the feelings just don't end. The dreams have started up again, that he is back and clean and the confustion in my mind.
Rose
Well my last post was positive and some closure, as I had been to court and got my divorce and the house....on cloud 9. So I am selling and moving, going to go smaller, boys getting older this place is to much for me to keep up on. So the work began and I got a big garbage bin in her just to through out....not 2 hours into it I was crying..I came across his jean jacket, threw it in the bin and then I was out there finding it again. I found it and cried so hard. I thought to myself that I have to get this to him, it is all lined with fleese, how he could use it. I have so many blankets, how he could use them. I was planning on going to the town where he lives and trying to track him down and give these things to him. I contacted my (the not so crazy sister in law). She said she would help me find him, but really thought that it was not a good idea/ She said he is totally a street person, a big long beard walks with a limp because he had been run over on his bike by a drug dealer, lives in sheds and on who couch he can lay on for the night. She had him there for Christmas day and he slept for 18hrs straight and then left again.
Do I really want to see this, I just thought if he saw me one more time, where was my mind...how many one more times do I do it, when I so know the end outcome. I fought so hard to end it...but the feelings just don't end. The dreams have started up again, that he is back and clean and the confustion in my mind.
Rose
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
A divorce is a death of a relaionship.
There will be grief and tears but over time you will grow past it.
In your grief you did well to contact the SIL who gave you some wise words... not a good idea to look for him.
As for your other post...
With your emotions on this level at the moment...do you think it wise to be looking for a date? When our emotions are high, we can be blind to the things around us. Red flags that may show up on a date wont be seen.
Take things slow and think with your mind before letting your heart control what you do next.
There will be grief and tears but over time you will grow past it.
In your grief you did well to contact the SIL who gave you some wise words... not a good idea to look for him.
As for your other post...
With your emotions on this level at the moment...do you think it wise to be looking for a date? When our emotions are high, we can be blind to the things around us. Red flags that may show up on a date wont be seen.
Take things slow and think with your mind before letting your heart control what you do next.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Rose, it sounds to me like you are grieving the person he used to be, the person beneath the addiction that you lost a long time ago. It's a hard, sad thing to do but it's closure in a way, or as close to closure as we can get.
No matter how our relationships unfold, I think there is always a little place in our hearts where we can park the good memories of the person they used to be...a place right next to hope for them.
And then we can pray and let the rest remain between God and them.
My prayers go out for him too, Rose, that one day he will find a better path.
You'll be okay, this is just some more of that pain you get to walk through on your way to a better place.
Hugs
No matter how our relationships unfold, I think there is always a little place in our hearts where we can park the good memories of the person they used to be...a place right next to hope for them.
And then we can pray and let the rest remain between God and them.
My prayers go out for him too, Rose, that one day he will find a better path.
You'll be okay, this is just some more of that pain you get to walk through on your way to a better place.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: homebased
Posts: 408
I am sorry for the pain you are going thru...
my thought...take that jacket, extra blankets etc to a homeless shelter....
help those you can...
maybe you'll get a little closure by doing that and certainly someone will benefit from the donation...
prayers for you that you can find serenity....
my thought...take that jacket, extra blankets etc to a homeless shelter....
help those you can...
maybe you'll get a little closure by doing that and certainly someone will benefit from the donation...
prayers for you that you can find serenity....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
Sometimes it is so hard to stay focused on what is best for you. It always seems to be easier and personally I feel the most guilty or grief stricken when I remember what a good person he COULD be. Stay focused on you. Remember, you can't help him, until he decideds to help himself, but you need to stay well. It is so hard to let go. I am struggling with all of this too. AH is still in the home with me. He is "clean" for now, maybe and hopefully forever, but it still doesn't mean everything is ok. He has just stopped, not getting any help, not trying to figure out why he did this, just sitting around feeling sorry for himself and blaming me for doing this to him.... somedays, my tired mind is twisted up enough to think I am doing something to him. BUT, (and I need reinforcement and help with this please!!!) I have to remember that he made the choices that led to his behavior which has made my life a nightmare. So, please remind yourself of what you have lived through and with for all these years and let go and enjoy your life. All the best and here's to a good day. One at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
I am back on track again everyone, have the motovation back....onward we go! Good advise before me...I am taking what I can to a homeless shelter.
Thanks for being here for me, but I knew where to run for help!
Rose
Thanks for being here for me, but I knew where to run for help!
Rose
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