aztchr

Duct tape needed please!!

Unfotunately, I brought awareness to my mom about how she is continuing to focus on and try to control my sister's recovery, even though she is in treatment. I just have had enough with hearing about everything and not so politely told her just that. Of course, then she says, "What am I supposed to do, just forget about her for the next month?" I said, "No, but every time we talk, it's about her or starting the what-ifs for when she gets home."

I said a few things I shouldn't have because I got angry. Mom said a few things back and I left her house. I should have just kept my mouth shut!

I don't want to isolate from my family, but even though my sister is in treatment, safe, and doing well from the letters she sends, my mom is still driving me crazy. I really was hoping with my sister away for a little bit, my mom would focus on herself and actually start living her own life.

I tried to apologize, but my dad said mom doesn't want to talk to me for awhile. My mother plays the victim and martyr role so well. Ok, nothing more I can do. I know we'll smooth things over, but I'm just angry at myself for reacting in the first place.

Please send duct tape!

Ann

Maybe now would be a good time to give some space between yourself and those who trigger the worst in you....I know that's what works for me.

Take some time just for you to do exactly what YOU want to do, and let your mom and your sister and the rest of the planet just take care of themselves for a while.

It sure felt great when I took the whole world off my shoulders. Made me feel 20 pounds lighter and left me free to dance.

Hugs

Lynette57

I did what your mom is doing last year.

My son who is doing well, and is still actually needing a mother, got very tired of it.

I didn't understand for a while cause this is his sister. How could he not care.

What I realized at some point was that the obsessive thoughts were just that.

I was driving him and myself crazy with constant talking and focussing on something that I have absolutely no control over. Sort of like a bad habit.
Of course not sleeping or eating right wasn't helping.

It all boiled down to the utlimate fear we as parents face.
Burying our child.

I think the best you can do to help her is to go live your life like Ann said.

My son started to walk away from me every time I spoke to him about it.

Your mom is probably as sick as your sister is at this point.

You are a good daughter and sister in that you care enough to try to get help for your family.

Chino

When I was doing the same thing with family and friends, I noticed they changed the subject very abruptly. It took all of two instances for me to realize I had developed my own addiction -- my AD.

Major respect to you! Changing the subject was probably one of the best gifts my 22 year old son ever gave me.

SoberAndy

Here's one thing you can try. When she brings up a potential problem, ask her, "What do you think you should do about that?"

For example, if she asks, "What if she's still using when she comes home?" Then ask, "What do you think we should do about that?" The answer would proably be another rehab.

Maybe the answer is, "There is nothing we can do about that." If so, there's no point in worrying about it.

Focus on answers, not worries. If there is no answer, there's no reason to worry about it.

Wascally Wabbit

The only thing you can do is protect your own sanity, at what ever cost.