bro relapsed again...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1
bro relapsed again...
hello - i'm 25 years old and my brother is 23 years old and addicted to heroin. he's been heavy into drugs since he was 14 or so and i've witnessed all of the stages he's gone through...ecstasy, meth, oc's, and finally, heroin, being the most recent and destructive thus far.
he's been in and out of treatment since high school and has shown signs of recovery over the years. as of the end of last summer, he had been clean for almost a full year, was within a couple weeks of fulfilling his court-ordered legal requirements related to past drug offenses, and was living in a oxford home with a stable job and new hobbies such as cycling (he spent enough time riding that he was putting in 100 mile rides by the end of the summer).
for whatever reason, at the end of last summer he choose to get high again. within a week, he was kicked out of his home and back to using on a daily basis. he went to stay with my grandma but was only using her for a place to sleep. i allowed him to come stay at my home as i thought that would give him more incentive to stay clean but instead he continued his same behavior. within a week of living at my home he was locked up and waiting for a spot to open up in 60 day in-patient program the judge ordered him into. not to mention he lost his car during the 2 or 3 day window between him living with me and going to jail...
i visited him one night in jail before he went into treatment and he told me how it's easy for him to not use once he gets sober and can think straight. i thought this was his 'moment of clarity' coming back to him. he missed my dad's b-day, thanksgiving and christmas while he was locked up. during a visit my parents made, he told them he was sick of his lifestyle and didn't want to do 'this' (treatment) anymore and was ready to get back on track when he got out the first week of january.
as of yesterday, he's been kicked out of the sober living home his treatment center helped him find, hasn't worked a full week since he's been back, isn't attending any meetings or court-ordered ua's or counselor meetings, and is over-drawn on his bank account. i have a feeling he started using the second my parents left town after helping him move into his new place. it's just a matter of time before he's back in jail now.
i've spent a lot of time trying to understand all of this over the last 10 years and always just thought that was who he was and there was nothing anyone could do to change it. however, during his almost full year of sobriety my parents and i saw qualities and skills in him that he had never given himself a chance to exhibit before! what i don't understand is how he can just let that go? why, once you've seen the 'light' of sober living would you choose to go back? i know he is unhappy living the lifestyle that he continously goes back to. he doesn't spend time with his 'friends' when he's using, mostly just by himself.
i hate knowing that he is on the streets but know that he's there because of the choice he makes to use and the choice he makes to bypass support from myself, my parents, and aa/na meetings or counselors.
why does someone do this to themselves when the alternate choices are by all means better in the short-term and long-term? i know that no one has the answer but i'd like to hear other opinions if you'd like to share. thanks for reading.
he's been in and out of treatment since high school and has shown signs of recovery over the years. as of the end of last summer, he had been clean for almost a full year, was within a couple weeks of fulfilling his court-ordered legal requirements related to past drug offenses, and was living in a oxford home with a stable job and new hobbies such as cycling (he spent enough time riding that he was putting in 100 mile rides by the end of the summer).
for whatever reason, at the end of last summer he choose to get high again. within a week, he was kicked out of his home and back to using on a daily basis. he went to stay with my grandma but was only using her for a place to sleep. i allowed him to come stay at my home as i thought that would give him more incentive to stay clean but instead he continued his same behavior. within a week of living at my home he was locked up and waiting for a spot to open up in 60 day in-patient program the judge ordered him into. not to mention he lost his car during the 2 or 3 day window between him living with me and going to jail...
i visited him one night in jail before he went into treatment and he told me how it's easy for him to not use once he gets sober and can think straight. i thought this was his 'moment of clarity' coming back to him. he missed my dad's b-day, thanksgiving and christmas while he was locked up. during a visit my parents made, he told them he was sick of his lifestyle and didn't want to do 'this' (treatment) anymore and was ready to get back on track when he got out the first week of january.
as of yesterday, he's been kicked out of the sober living home his treatment center helped him find, hasn't worked a full week since he's been back, isn't attending any meetings or court-ordered ua's or counselor meetings, and is over-drawn on his bank account. i have a feeling he started using the second my parents left town after helping him move into his new place. it's just a matter of time before he's back in jail now.
i've spent a lot of time trying to understand all of this over the last 10 years and always just thought that was who he was and there was nothing anyone could do to change it. however, during his almost full year of sobriety my parents and i saw qualities and skills in him that he had never given himself a chance to exhibit before! what i don't understand is how he can just let that go? why, once you've seen the 'light' of sober living would you choose to go back? i know he is unhappy living the lifestyle that he continously goes back to. he doesn't spend time with his 'friends' when he's using, mostly just by himself.
i hate knowing that he is on the streets but know that he's there because of the choice he makes to use and the choice he makes to bypass support from myself, my parents, and aa/na meetings or counselors.
why does someone do this to themselves when the alternate choices are by all means better in the short-term and long-term? i know that no one has the answer but i'd like to hear other opinions if you'd like to share. thanks for reading.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
see sticky at top of friends and family forum : What Addict Do
Def. of addiction: keep using no matter the neg. conseq.
It is impossible for the rest of us to understand...impossible
I understand your frustration; my 23 yr old son is an addict
Def. of addiction: keep using no matter the neg. conseq.
It is impossible for the rest of us to understand...impossible
I understand your frustration; my 23 yr old son is an addict
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i am sorry your brother is doing this. you are a good sister to want to help him but there is nothing you can do. you did not CAUSE it, you can not CONTROL it & you can not CURE it. keep coming back here & learn to take care of you.he is going to do the drug no matter what you do or don't do. my son is my addict & i promise nothing will help them until they are ready. they have to fall so low & so hard in order to want to get clean. we all have an addict we love & we share your pain.prayers for you & your brother.
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