kj21

My emotions are all over the map these days. My ah have been seperated for 5 months. He has always been involved in the kids lives since he left ( I kicked him out) I truly felt that my love for him was gone. I would look at him and think thats it, never again will I feel love for you. But.... the last couple weeks have changed my feelings. I find myself happy when he calls instead of annoyed. I look forward to seeing him at the kids games instead of dreading it. I do not know how or why things have changed. He has always told me that he will wait how ever many months or years it will take for me to realize we are meant to be together. He is moving forward with the rest of his life, has a permanant place to live, starts back to work today (was off on med leave for depression) , has cleaned up many of his messes, seems just quite happy! I am being cautious and not trying to think about the future. But I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Maybe the guilt of knowing the pain and suffering he was inflicting on himself and not helping him this last time. I felt so sorry for him, losing his family, home etc. I am proud he has done all this on his own and I see the man i knew shining through. I know it may not last, but I can enjoy it for today, and be his friend. It is just kinda scary to realize that just when I thought it was really over my heart changed its mind, I do care about this man, maybe even still love him. YIKES!

hope213

how long has he been clean? maybe this is exactly what he nneded, to lose everything. take it one day at a time & my advise is just not rush into anything. hugs & prayers,

holdingouthope

Well put.

Nothing is black and white, is it? I kicked my AH out 2 weeks ago and have just begun speaking to him in the last couple days. He is doing well and I am doing even better without the addicition in my face all the time and focusing on me and my recovery. We are moving on our own paths...and it's the first time in 10 years. It's hard though to forget all the good times and feelings of love, especially when we see them doing so well.

I admire your strength and honesty. Just like your husband, we have to keep taking it a day at a time.

kj21

Hope 213~ he says he has been clean for 10 weeks, I am not sure, but i do know his actions have been showing me he is clean for now.
I will not rush into anything.
Holdingouthope~ no nothing is black and white. we were together just over 10 years too! It took us a awhile to be able to talk without resentments and anger (mine) surfacing. good luck to you!!!

CatsPajamas

KJ,

Perhaps you are seeing glimpses of the man you fell in love with. Take it slowly and see what happens. Now is the time to work on boundaries and establishing a newer and healthier relationship.

Hugs
Cats

kj21

Thanks cats, I will take it s l o w l y ! I don't want to set myself up for disappointment again!