Opinion of Sons After REhab choices.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Opinion of Sons After REhab choices.
As I had posted, my son is in Rehab (thankfully) and will be done Feb. 1 with his 28 day program...all seems well with that.
They're looking to set him up in a 1/2 house in a town that's marginal at best. I'm going to visit him tonight and am not sure how much to see or do regarding these plans. My son will probably want to go to a 3/4 house, where has have been before (up to 6 months clean).
Should I agree/not agree with him. I don't want to plan his future, but don't want to restrict it either. It's always a tough road to walk....
They're looking to set him up in a 1/2 house in a town that's marginal at best. I'm going to visit him tonight and am not sure how much to see or do regarding these plans. My son will probably want to go to a 3/4 house, where has have been before (up to 6 months clean).
Should I agree/not agree with him. I don't want to plan his future, but don't want to restrict it either. It's always a tough road to walk....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the south
Posts: 219
hi dad,
this is just the advice of a mom who is now going on her third rehab. with an adult son so please take this advice for what it's worth.....
the first rehab my son went to was very upscale.....Ridgeview Institute in Georgia. He was there for thirty days. Thirty days only "scratched the surface." Most rehabs will tell you that. Within two weeks he had relapsed but hid it and was able to carry on for five months........then a full blown binge......he then went to rehab for six months and completed it very well........however there was no concrete plan in place (no halfway house etc.) the facility said they gave him the tools....do 90 meetings in 90 days....he came home with no job, no sponsor in place and relapsed again within six weeks.
Now he is back in a six month rehab.
If I have learned anything it is this.......work together with your son and the counselor and explore ALL possibilities for a halfway house, Oxford House or some such venue. They(the addict) are too vulnerable in the best of circumstances to "wing it" right from rehab. without concrete help in place. Why do we expect them to walk when they have barely begun to crawl? I am not advocating making his choice but I am saying as a parent please explore (together)what is available for him.
In my son's case having no job, no sponsor, was too overwhelming. He did try to find a sponsor but the person he chose became ill and I think my son just didn't work the program after that. No excuses that is just what happened.
Just have some safeguards in place and let your son know whatever he decides is really up to him to work it through.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both. dixied
this is just the advice of a mom who is now going on her third rehab. with an adult son so please take this advice for what it's worth.....
the first rehab my son went to was very upscale.....Ridgeview Institute in Georgia. He was there for thirty days. Thirty days only "scratched the surface." Most rehabs will tell you that. Within two weeks he had relapsed but hid it and was able to carry on for five months........then a full blown binge......he then went to rehab for six months and completed it very well........however there was no concrete plan in place (no halfway house etc.) the facility said they gave him the tools....do 90 meetings in 90 days....he came home with no job, no sponsor in place and relapsed again within six weeks.
Now he is back in a six month rehab.
If I have learned anything it is this.......work together with your son and the counselor and explore ALL possibilities for a halfway house, Oxford House or some such venue. They(the addict) are too vulnerable in the best of circumstances to "wing it" right from rehab. without concrete help in place. Why do we expect them to walk when they have barely begun to crawl? I am not advocating making his choice but I am saying as a parent please explore (together)what is available for him.
In my son's case having no job, no sponsor, was too overwhelming. He did try to find a sponsor but the person he chose became ill and I think my son just didn't work the program after that. No excuses that is just what happened.
Just have some safeguards in place and let your son know whatever he decides is really up to him to work it through.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both. dixied
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
nice to meet you, dad. my daughter is 23, in/out of rehab and halfways the past year plus.
i agree to get all the options on the table, with the help of the counseling staff. i think it's ok to help our kids weigh out choices. in the end - they have to make them though.
glad your son is getting the treatment, keep posting! hugs, k
i agree to get all the options on the table, with the help of the counseling staff. i think it's ok to help our kids weigh out choices. in the end - they have to make them though.
glad your son is getting the treatment, keep posting! hugs, k
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
I'll be the devils advocate! I have worked w/ the counselor, treatment centers, sober facilities, etc. Done what they told me when they told me. I learned...my AD did not. You can do whatever you want or don't want, but the choice of life and recovery is theirs!!
I pray it is your sons time. People can and do recover every day!!
susan
I pray it is your sons time. People can and do recover every day!!
susan
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I agree with helping them. It's very overwhelming to have SOO MUCH HELP and be told what to do 24/7 and then be just "let out" and be expected to do it on your own. I read a book last night about successful kids in rehab and they were all in there for a year, but it was court ordered, most of us don't have that luxury.
When I got out of treatment, I was set up w/a treatment plan, a lot of it fell through, but what help I could get I took.
When I got out of treatment, I was set up w/a treatment plan, a lot of it fell through, but what help I could get I took.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
How about help....ONLY if asked? lol
I've gotten myself at least to the point of not owning the decision unless I'm willing to own the outcome.
It took me far too long to get here and it works for me.
Now if I could just be more consistant in my thinking
(((Hugs)))
I've gotten myself at least to the point of not owning the decision unless I'm willing to own the outcome.
It took me far too long to get here and it works for me.
Now if I could just be more consistant in my thinking
(((Hugs)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Even the rehab told us that one month isn't enough, 6 months is best...yeah-like that's going to happen.
He just called me, he sounds ago with the plan to go to a place called 'Half Measures'. I've never heard of it and can't find anything on the internet. Anyone heard of it?
I agree...there is a lot after release. Job, sponsor, finding transporation. But if he wants it....he'll do it.
thanks for the advice.
He just called me, he sounds ago with the plan to go to a place called 'Half Measures'. I've never heard of it and can't find anything on the internet. Anyone heard of it?
I agree...there is a lot after release. Job, sponsor, finding transporation. But if he wants it....he'll do it.
thanks for the advice.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Now is the time I think a parent can offer their best services. If going to a meeting just listen to what is being said by both your son and the counselor. When all is said and done, you'll know if your son is comfortable with "HIS" decision. If he's not thats when you can voice your opinion.
Just my 2 cents
good luck
Just my 2 cents
good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Well, went to visit son last night, and also sat through a Medallion Meeting at the center. Current and past success stories came in to celebrate various anniversaries of sobriety. Was good to hear some positive stories!
Son was in excellent mood. He's going to the 1/2 house the rehab recommended along with two 'friends' from the rehab. He also got to meet last night 2 current halfway house members who were there to celebrateh their anniversaries and told him the house was good.
He had a choice of my driving him there, or arranged transportation and he asked if I would do it so we could spend some time together - how could I say no. Of course he knows that we'll also go out for a nice lunch, and maybe a stop at Kohls for things he'll need in the halfway house but what's a parent for?
Happy this time to spend the money.
Cautiously Optimistic...one day at a time!
Thanks to all...
Son was in excellent mood. He's going to the 1/2 house the rehab recommended along with two 'friends' from the rehab. He also got to meet last night 2 current halfway house members who were there to celebrateh their anniversaries and told him the house was good.
He had a choice of my driving him there, or arranged transportation and he asked if I would do it so we could spend some time together - how could I say no. Of course he knows that we'll also go out for a nice lunch, and maybe a stop at Kohls for things he'll need in the halfway house but what's a parent for?
Happy this time to spend the money.
Cautiously Optimistic...one day at a time!
Thanks to all...
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Half Measures is very active in National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD)-New Jersey which is a good sign. I'm also glad to hear your son is taking control of his own recovery. I feel that is a good sign HE wants to stay clean.
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