MsPINKAcres

Been out of contact for a while - took some time off for the holidays - eventful as always, pneumonia for me, my AH was attacked by the neighbors 2 dogs, 3 places had to have numerous stitches, new grandbaby born 01-03-08, and I think that is the most of it.

I did decide to go see our daughter, Ash the Friday after Christmas in jail. I was still sick, but just felt that pull. Had received letters from her, they were positive, humble letters, no begging for money, posting her bond, etc.

So I went to see her - we had to visit with glass between us and over the phone like you see in the movies (that was a little disheartening) She looked ok - she's lost weight, some dark circles under her eyes. The only things she asked for were to please keep writing her letters, send pictures of the family, and any books - she said reading helps pass the time. She goes to court in March - so she'll be in until then - she's praying her court date doesn't get post poned.
A 30 min visit doesn't last very long.

I managed to keep control of my emotions until she walked away - then I cried and cried and cried. I sat in my vehicle, felt like my chest was going to burst. But once again, my God never leaves me alone. A very close friend, called me less than 3 mins after I sat in my vehicle. She listen to me cry, talk - let me feel my pain. Then I was able to give Ash to God and go on with the rest of the evening without obessessing over what I "needed" to do.

We are exchanging letters, haven't been back to see her, as now I'm working my second job and I have to work on the nites of her visitation. But we write, and I pray for her.
and remember to take it all
One Day at a Time,

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita

cookconfay

How hard that has to be....I know from visiting my sister a few years back, and lots of years back visiting Robby...in '93 that is. This time...nope would NEVER go see him. Anyways....folks came to visit me when I was in jail....it sucked! Prayers and hugs are with you and your family Rita......

ajangels2

(((Rita)))

How wonderful you were able to make the visit and how awesome that she was able to take it in and ask for the things that she needed most. Letters are powerful and a great way to express how much we care and love people. I'm sure your AD will appreciate getting those letters. I will continue to keep you both in my prayers that this time for her can be a time of reconciling with her HP, herself, and her family. Maybe she will emerge with a new perspective of herself and her life and choose to walk another path of sobriety instead of pain. :praying

Hugs to you,
ajangels

hope213

ash, i am glad the visit went well. you sound very good. it hurts to see them like that. saying prayers for u both. i am glad to see you.

mooselips

Japic05,
The new grand baby part sounds good.
Boy baby? Girl baby?

I did those prison visits the 1st time oldest AS was in, and that was it for me, I've told him, never again. But, I did send him envelopes and stamped envelopes the last time he was incarcerated.

The 1st time, he must have felt like he was at a country club, with me sending money, food packages, you name it, I did it....
(Then I realized one day, it would be a much better consequence if I did nothing)

And those visits tore my heart up, just like yours.

You sound like you're doing okay. No matter how where we are in our recovery it still hurts.

Hugs to you, and your daughter,

MsPINKAcres

Our precious Brooklyn Nicole makes our 4th granddaughter!!
We have 3 grandsons - making it a grand total of 7 grandchildren.

How blessed am I.

thanks to all for your love & support,
Rita

mooselips

Brooklyn...VERY nice name....

Done_With_It

Rita,

I'm glad you got to see her. March will be here before you know it!

Ann

I only visited my son once in jail and will never do that again. It's just too heartbreaking to see them and, personally, I felt very off balance in that whole environment.

My prayers go out for your daughter, this waiting time may be just what she needs to find a better path.

And congratulations on the new grandbaby, even with our pain life is still filled with so many blessings, yes?

Hugs

sleepygoat

Your post brought tears to my eyes. She does indeed sound like she has some humility which is wonderful. I'm glad you are visiting and writing in spite of the pain it causes you. I'll pray that treatment/meetings, etc is part of her parole, and that you continue to work you own program!

grateful2b

my feelings exactly.....my heart aches for you, Rita. It takes a lot of heart and love for your daughter to withstand that kind of pain. This may sound a little out there, but my Buddhist Meditation Master told us years ago that one of the ways of dealing with very stressful situations is to wrap yourself all the way around, just below the sternum, front and back with saran wrap. You are covering up the third chakra, which is the energy center in the body which, among other things, takes in negative emotional energy. For the first unbelievably stressful year of my daughter's cancer treaments, I used the wrap just to stay sane. It has a very calming effect and minimized the negative emotions around me.
from one mom of an addicted daughter to another..