summerbrz

It's after 4am. My ALO who is in recovery hasn't come home yet. He has been involved in a very strong program for a year now (well end of dec is one year), and left for a meeting this afternoon after a family get together. I know he was going to a meeting because several guys called for a ride.. He just got elected GSR for his NA group the other day and was very excited. He hasn't called, and I of course attempt not to call lest my obsession take over, but after 3am I started getting really worried and called several times, not getting an answer. Even when he was active he never stayed out all night without letting me know where he was.. Since being in recovery, he's been incredibly accountable to me and others and I can't imagine him doing this unless something REALLY bad happened (relapse, death, jail, hospital, etc). We have been having problems lately as I was upset that he spends so much time with recovery people, so at first I thought he was trying to teach me a lesson, maybe go midnight bowling without telling me just to tick me off, but now I don't think that's the case. I am totally freaking out. I don't have his call list to call anyone, and besides w/guys in the group, the only other place he could stay would be at his moms and I'm not waking her up. In any case, we were on good terms the past few days and I dont think he would stay somewhere else, he's really picky about having his stuff where he stays (toiletries, clothes, etc).. If he's not here in the morning I'll call around I guess. This is just way out of character and I went into full panic mode.. He nearly died last year as a result of addiction and because I was very accepting of the fact that he was an addict it didn't really phase me. But I guess I started to think of him in a different way over the past year, like an addict but more than just that, so now I've totally set myself up for disappointment. Although usually he stays out extra late on home group night, it's never been past 2am, and he always calls to let me know if he'll be later than midnight. I don't really know what to do at this point. I have tried to sleep and it's just not possible. I don't want to call anyone because of what time it is. But thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Usually I post somewhere else but my ALO was sponsoring one of the other member's kids and i don't feel comfortable posting this where she may read it, at least not until there's some sort of resolution to the evening.

I got used to sleeping without him before, so I know it's possible, but I don't think it's possible tonite, so if anyone wants to talk, i'll probably be around..

outonalimb

summer...

I'm sorry you had such a bad night.
I really hope and pray that there is an innocent explanation for all of this and that your ALO (not entirely sure what that means) is safe and sober.
I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers...:praying

GiveLove

Belle,

Hoping your loved one is alright, in all senses of the word. Maybe you could try for a little catnap, at least, so you will have a little bit of energy to get through tomorrow, er, today. To face whatever may come...

Hugs,
GL

summerbrz

Gosh I feel almost like an idiot but completely justified in my worry. He eventually called and said he went to watch movies at one of the recovery houses and fell asleep in his chair.. The guys, not being married or anything, figured what would be the harm in letting him sleep. He was incredibly apologetic and came home shortly after I posted this. Of course the "falling asleep" excuse was the one that earned me my highschool reputation, but I know the guys he was with, and he seemed sincere, and he had money lol so the facts have presented themselves.. But I guess it's just a sign that I need to work harder on myself. I completely fell apart.

Oh, ALO = addicted loved one in some places. It's a nicer way of saying addict I guess. People in different places get their panties in a bunch for different reasons. I just attempt to go with the flow.

Thanks for the replies

kj21

Belle,
I hope you are doing alright. I hope he will come home safe. It is a reminder as to what life is like with an addict. always the thought that one day he could relapse. that scares me. Please keep us posted on how you are and if he is OK.

sleepygoat

No, your not an idiot at all. I think with relationships with addicts, there is always going to be this underlying mistrust - and there is good reason for that. But thank God he's Ok and clean! Count your blessings.