FrankOregon

I befriended someone about three months before she went into rehab, I am just a close friend (not boyfriend/girl friend), but I am close enough I don't want to see her relapse. We became real close when I visited her in rehab and none of her friends had (was good they didn't I think) Can anybody help me with what the warning signs are for relapse? She was a pretty wound personality to start with, but since rehab, is up and then down and then up again like quick. Won't hear from her for 2 days, says she was sick. Happens often enough I worry. I have no way to verify. I think she is still clean, but I always worry.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!!

I don't know what her DOC (drug of choice) is, but for me (I'm a recovering crack addict), my "disappearing" for a couple days was a sure sign that I was using again. Mood swings may also be a sign of using BUT it is also fairly normal in early recovery for emotions to flip-flop because we're not used to actually dealing with our emotions.

The main thing is, there is absolutely nothing you can do (no matter how good a friend you are) to keep her clean. 3c's - you didn't cause it, can't change it, can't cure it. The reason I got clean was the consequences of my using got worse than the "fun" of getting high and no one enabled me.

Read around the posts here...you'll find a ton of ES&H (experience, strength, & hope) from people who are dealing with the addicts in their life.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Ann

Welcome Frank

Trying to figure out the behaviour of an addict, even in early recovery, is futile and will drive you crazy if you let it.

Sometimes they just need to spend quiet time alone or connect with their sponsor and program, and sometimes they are hiding because they don't want to be seen or known to be using again...we just never know.

My suggestion is to just enjoy her company when you can and keep your own life in balance, and keeping this at the "friendship" level will save you a lot of grief if things should go wrong, as they sadly do too often.

You can't help her get clean or stay clean, only she can do that. It's nice to be a supportive friend who encourages her good efforts, but it's another to get involved thinking that you will be the one to save her or keep her on a good path. If it was that easy, not one of us would be here.

She's lucky to have a friend like you and I'm glad you joined us here. Take a good read around and it may help you understand better what you are dealing with.

Hugs

bookmiser

(((((Frank)))))



I'm sorry. Your kindness, caring, and generosity may not matter when it
comes to the addict. You sounds like a very nice man, but as Ann said
trying to figure them out is futile and may just drive you crazy.
You don't want that. The longer you let yourself be pulled in, the quicker
the sand begins to drag you under. That's my opinion, for what it's worth.
I couldn't walk away from my addict. He's my son. I did have to hit my
own "rock bottom" and start my own "recovery". The recovery of codependency. So, I found sr.
Then I started reading. Alot. lol
Then I found a group of people just like me down the road and once a week,
if I can make it, I go down there, say hello, get my hugs, my face to face support, a new knowledge to take with me, and remind myself of three things.
1. I didn't cause it.
2. I can't control it.
3. I can't cure it.
This is a great place, Frank, and I hope you continue to share and learn here.
You'll get the tools, support, prayers, and oh yeah, relief from stress...lol
(check out my thread)
Keep coming back and here's your first supportive hug...
A new friend,

Done_With_It

That was normal behavior for me. My doc was meth, I destroyed my body and it took a long time to repair my body and mind. I was an emotional mess, up and down, and I was sick for a long time, my immune system was just low. One day I'd feel Great, then the next, I'd have no energy.

I could have looked like I was on drugs to many. I'm glad I wasn't around anyone who really knew what was going on with me.

Irregardless this is her thing to deal with and figure out, the fact that you don't want her to relapse isn't really enough to make her not relapse sadly enough.

As hard as it is you just have to sit back and let her do her own thing.
Looking for signs is going to make you mental. She's your friend right?
Treat her like your friend, don't treat her like a drug addict.
That's what I would want my friend to do. If I need help with my problem
I'll come to you. Walking on eggshells around me is the worst thing you
can do to me, and it changes the relationship into something else.

That's me anyway.... But I'm not everyone. :bounce

Welcome to SR!8

rahsue

My son is my addict and he is in early recovery and I can tell you the mood swings are huge. He's not mean or angry just happy, sad, depressed, happy ect ect
hang in there and just be a good friend. read all you can here, theres a ton of smart and wise people here. Without them I would be a basket case by now.

mooselips

(((FrankOregon))))
I just want to say kudos for you for caring.
You sound like a friend I would like to have as my own.
Just remember to take care of you.....