I am hurting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
I am hurting
I feel like I am at square one and haven't learned a thing. Last night, all the past came back, I was crazy! I went to the church where we have meetings, noone was there. Then I talked myself into noone really cares, why call and bother them. I have tried, believed, encouraged, and now I am empty,lost, sad, and desperate. I hate life, hate her, hate me for believeing again.
Please keep me in your prayers, I hear the words in my mind I have learned, but they are not any comfort. I am consumed in pain. I am lost and feel so betrayed.:puppet I want this to be over...I didn't want this life, didn't plan it and worked to avoid this crap. How long must I trust and believe? How long do I be the welcoming door mat.......I hate her again.
sa
Please keep me in your prayers, I hear the words in my mind I have learned, but they are not any comfort. I am consumed in pain. I am lost and feel so betrayed.:puppet I want this to be over...I didn't want this life, didn't plan it and worked to avoid this crap. How long must I trust and believe? How long do I be the welcoming door mat.......I hate her again.
sa
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Cape Town - South Africa
Posts: 36
Im so sorry you are hurting!!! And an answer to your questions: I dont know. I dont know when the pain stops. All I can say is that I know when im feeling like this, God is right there holding you. Just pray and read the word, even when you dont want to or when you feel you cant.
You are definitly in my prayers!!!
You are definitly in my prayers!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: sunshine state
Posts: 16
Psalm 22
1 My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.
3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel. [a]
4 In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
5 They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
6 But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.
7 All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
8 "He trusts in the LORD;
let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him."
9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother's breast.
10 From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have been my God.
11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.
12 Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
13 Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.
14 I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me [b] in the dust of death.
16 Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced [c] my hands and my feet.
17 I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.
18 They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.
19 But you, O LORD, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
20 Deliver my life from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save [d] me from the horns of the wild oxen.
22 I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the congregation I will praise you.
23 You who fear the LORD, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not despised or disdained
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.
25 From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
before those who fear you [e] will I fulfill my vows.
26 The poor will eat and be satisfied;
they who seek the LORD will praise him—
may your hearts live forever!
27 All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,
28 for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.
29 All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
those who cannot keep themselves alive.
30 Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord.
31 They will proclaim his righteousness
to a people yet unborn—
for he has done it
I am praying for you!!
:praying
R
:puppet
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
2 O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.
3 Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel. [a]
4 In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
5 They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
6 But I am a worm and not a man,
scorned by men and despised by the people.
7 All who see me mock me;
they hurl insults, shaking their heads:
8 "He trusts in the LORD;
let the LORD rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
since he delights in him."
9 Yet you brought me out of the womb;
you made me trust in you
even at my mother's breast.
10 From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have been my God.
11 Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help.
12 Many bulls surround me;
strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
13 Roaring lions tearing their prey
open their mouths wide against me.
14 I am poured out like water,
and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
it has melted away within me.
15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd,
and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
you lay me [b] in the dust of death.
16 Dogs have surrounded me;
a band of evil men has encircled me,
they have pierced [c] my hands and my feet.
17 I can count all my bones;
people stare and gloat over me.
18 They divide my garments among them
and cast lots for my clothing.
19 But you, O LORD, be not far off;
O my Strength, come quickly to help me.
20 Deliver my life from the sword,
my precious life from the power of the dogs.
21 Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
save [d] me from the horns of the wild oxen.
22 I will declare your name to my brothers;
in the congregation I will praise you.
23 You who fear the LORD, praise him!
All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!
Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!
24 For he has not despised or disdained
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face from him
but has listened to his cry for help.
25 From you comes the theme of my praise in the great assembly;
before those who fear you [e] will I fulfill my vows.
26 The poor will eat and be satisfied;
they who seek the LORD will praise him—
may your hearts live forever!
27 All the ends of the earth
will remember and turn to the LORD,
and all the families of the nations
will bow down before him,
28 for dominion belongs to the LORD
and he rules over the nations.
29 All the rich of the earth will feast and worship;
all who go down to the dust will kneel before him—
those who cannot keep themselves alive.
30 Posterity will serve him;
future generations will be told about the Lord.
31 They will proclaim his righteousness
to a people yet unborn—
for he has done it
I am praying for you!!
:praying
R
:puppet
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Susan))))
I wish I had the words to take your pain away, but I'm at a loss. All I can say is remember....you ARE a good mom. Kasey still has a lot of learning to do, but I'm hoping she is learning some lessons here. Maybe I learned my lesson this last time because I'm older, I think it's harder on the younger A's...all their friends are into partying. Not an excuse, but maybe that's a part of her struggles.
Just know, you and Kasey are in my prayers and I'm sending you lots of hugs!
Amy
I wish I had the words to take your pain away, but I'm at a loss. All I can say is remember....you ARE a good mom. Kasey still has a lot of learning to do, but I'm hoping she is learning some lessons here. Maybe I learned my lesson this last time because I'm older, I think it's harder on the younger A's...all their friends are into partying. Not an excuse, but maybe that's a part of her struggles.
Just know, you and Kasey are in my prayers and I'm sending you lots of hugs!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Awwww Susan,
I want to say whatever it would be to help you to feel better. I know that sometimes the words just aren't enough.
I am asking that as you look for inner peace that God will help you control your wandering thoughts.
You are not alone......people do care.....I care.
Sometimes when we feel like this our minds tend to exaggerate the situation and make it worse than what it is.
There is always tomorrow and tomorrow will be a better day. Keep believing, Susan. Hope and belief are the cusihons that protect our fall.
Love you.............Lo
I want to say whatever it would be to help you to feel better. I know that sometimes the words just aren't enough.
I am asking that as you look for inner peace that God will help you control your wandering thoughts.
You are not alone......people do care.....I care.
Sometimes when we feel like this our minds tend to exaggerate the situation and make it worse than what it is.
There is always tomorrow and tomorrow will be a better day. Keep believing, Susan. Hope and belief are the cusihons that protect our fall.
Love you.............Lo
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
((((Caileesnana)))
There was a time, when I first arrived here that I felt much like you do now. Even after I opened my heart and ears to members here who assured me that I was not a failure as a mom, and not in control of my son's actions, I had those down days that I had trouble pulling out of. And I was so very very tired.
I finally got to the point, for lack of others options I think, that I gave the safety of my son and the hope that he would find his way, up to my and his HP. It seemed 'fake" at first, but after some practice and a lot of talking in the dark
, I felt an odd sense of relief.
I HAD to believe there was an end in sight...and there was down the road.
Keep walking with us, lean on us for a while.
I'll be keeping you and yours in my prayers
(((Hugs)))
Cece
There was a time, when I first arrived here that I felt much like you do now. Even after I opened my heart and ears to members here who assured me that I was not a failure as a mom, and not in control of my son's actions, I had those down days that I had trouble pulling out of. And I was so very very tired.
I finally got to the point, for lack of others options I think, that I gave the safety of my son and the hope that he would find his way, up to my and his HP. It seemed 'fake" at first, but after some practice and a lot of talking in the dark
, I felt an odd sense of relief.I HAD to believe there was an end in sight...and there was down the road.
Keep walking with us, lean on us for a while.
I'll be keeping you and yours in my prayers
(((Hugs)))
Cece
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Originally Posted by caileesnana 
I feel like I am at square one and haven't learned a thing. Last night, all the past came back, I was crazy! I went to the church where we have meetings, noone was there. Then I talked myself into noone really cares, why call and bother them. I have tried, believed, encouraged, and now I am empty,lost, sad, and desperate. I hate life, hate her, hate me for believeing again.
Please keep me in your prayers, I hear the words in my mind I have learned, but they are not any comfort. I am consumed in pain. I am lost and feel so betrayed.:puppet I want this to be over...I didn't want this life, didn't plan it and worked to avoid this crap. How long must I trust and believe? How long do I be the welcoming door mat.......I hate her again.
sa
Please keep me in your prayers, I hear the words in my mind I have learned, but they are not any comfort. I am consumed in pain. I am lost and feel so betrayed.:puppet I want this to be over...I didn't want this life, didn't plan it and worked to avoid this crap. How long must I trust and believe? How long do I be the welcoming door mat.......I hate her again.
sa
The God of my understanding gave me these words to share with a dear friend of mine earlier today, who is struggling in a painful situation - thought that maybe they may help comfort you as you are feeling this pain.
My God weeps with me. He is so close to me, that when I cry, He cries too. He reassures me that this rocky path is not forever. There will be a clearing on the other side of this dark forest. And someday when you have reached the other side, you will be able to share what wisdom you have gained while walking thru that forest with another person who is just entering the forest.
Fear not, my friend, for you suffer not in vain - I believe each tear we shed, is a drop of strength, courage and wisdom stored up for another day to be shared with our friends as encouragement. Never wasted or cried in vain.
Sorry you are hurting - praying that you will feel the loving comfort of your HP all around you today!
Rita
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Boy can I relate with your feelings...I feel like I hate my son right now. He is clean but he is so rebellious and uncaring. I want my old son back. I feel like my heart is broken. I wish i could be there to hug you right now. Draw strength from our common pain. You are not alone in this.
krhea.
krhea.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
There have been several times in the past year and a half when I've been exactly there. I remember thinking, "God, just how much do you think I can take?" and another time, thinking "How many prayers do I have to say before You do something?". Another time I felt like, "I've given her "tough love", I've detached, I've led by example, I've allowed her her consequences, I've taken her to rehab,I've prayed, I've let go and trusted God.... and she's still selling her body, smoking crack, and snorting heroin." Every time I reached the end of myself, the end of my ability to change things, the end of my ability to understand - it was just another time to surrender again. And every time I was able to surrender to a power greater than me, something sort of good would happen and I'd feel better. This stuff (addiction) is bigger than us. Way bigger. Its so big the only thing that makes sense is to let our Higher Power deal with it all. Helps me to remember He is loving and caring and also has the big picture, which I don't have and never will.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Aw, caleesnana, I am here holding your hand honey. I think it's obvious that even though all you see are type written words, there are very caring people behind them. 
Hold on. One thing I learned is these feelings don't last forever. There is a bright day coming your way very soon!
Hold on. One thing I learned is these feelings don't last forever. There is a bright day coming your way very soon!
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
My God weeps with me. He is so close to me, that when I cry, He cries too. He reassures me that this rocky path is not forever. There will be a clearing on the other side of this dark forest. And someday when you have reached the other side, you will be able to share what wisdom you have gained while walking thru that forest with another person who is just entering the forest.
Fear not, my friend, for you suffer not in vain - I believe each tear we shed, is a drop of strength, courage and wisdom stored up for another day to be shared with our friends as encouragement. Never wasted or cried in vain.
Fear not, my friend, for you suffer not in vain - I believe each tear we shed, is a drop of strength, courage and wisdom stored up for another day to be shared with our friends as encouragement. Never wasted or cried in vain.
Rita,
That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
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