Some Character Flaws Have Nothing To Do With Drugs
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Some Character Flaws Have Nothing To Do With Drugs
HE'S AT IT AGAIN!! It must be the whole holiday thing. I don't know nor do I care at this point and time, but he's driving me up the flipping wall !!
I'm talking about my exabf. MY phone has been ringing off the hook non stop since Thanksgiving!! This is no exageration when I tell you between every 2 to 5 minutes with short breaks in between my phone is ringing and it's him!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to talk to him. It's over!! It's been over!! There's nothing left to talk about.
I've turned my ringer off and put the phone in another room. Even with the ringer off I could still see the phone light up every time someone is calling. What a horrible way to live.
I know I'll have to eventually answer it. If I don't he'll come down and show up on my doorstep at 3AM unexpectedly and I REALLY don't want that. That's another reason I can't change my number. He's more dangerous if he shows up unannounced.
I'll have to hear once again how he got clean "for us". No........not for himself, but for us. WRONG ANSWER!! Some folks would delight in the fact their addict cleaned up because they loved them sooooooo much, but that's not the answer!! That's not going to work. I've learned enough to know that an addict HAS GOT to get clean for themselves........because they're sick of living that life and not for any other reason. My exabf hasn't gotten clean for himself, but for me!!
He says "I did what you asked me to do!" I didn't ask him to get clean!! I asked him to get lost!! I don't even hear the similarities between the two!!
Thing is........he assumed if he got clean he could have his life back. He assumed he could just pick up where everything got left off before the crack cocaine. Wrong again. I chose to forgive him, but I can't forget the hell this man put me through. There's no way I could have enjoyed a peaceful existence with everything that's happened.
My exabf has an obsession with me. He takes this obsession way beyond the norm.....not that obsession is normal to begin with. This has nothing to do with drugs. This is something inside of himself.
I used to blame everything on the dope, but he's not on the dope. How do I know?? Because when he was on the dope he never paid me any mind! He left me alone. He was more into getting high than messing with me. That's how I know he's clean. I can't blame this on the drugs this time and that's scary!!
It's so easy to use the drug use as an excuse for everything they do. What happens when you can't blame it on the drugs?? Now you have another issue entirely! This is what I'm dealing with now. I shouldn't have to. This was over a very long time ago.
I've called the police AGAIN. I'll be filing another restraining order Monday AGAIN. I hate this crap. I think because he paid me back the money he owed me he's in the clear with me. He just doesn't get it and that's very sad.
I just want to get the message across that if the person you're with hits you, it may not have anything to do with the drugs. They might just be abusive. If you get cheated on, it may not have anything to do with the drugs. They might just be a cheat. You get what I'm saying.
My exabf has apparently had this issue in the past with other women.......only not to this extent. Pretty scary stuff. Those members who have been here a while know what this man is capable of. I'm taking every precaution I can I promise.
And if you could. Please maybe say a little prayer for me. I have this sinking feeling I'll be seeing him soon and I'm a bit freaked out by the whole thing.
I'm talking about my exabf. MY phone has been ringing off the hook non stop since Thanksgiving!! This is no exageration when I tell you between every 2 to 5 minutes with short breaks in between my phone is ringing and it's him!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to talk to him. It's over!! It's been over!! There's nothing left to talk about.
I've turned my ringer off and put the phone in another room. Even with the ringer off I could still see the phone light up every time someone is calling. What a horrible way to live.
I know I'll have to eventually answer it. If I don't he'll come down and show up on my doorstep at 3AM unexpectedly and I REALLY don't want that. That's another reason I can't change my number. He's more dangerous if he shows up unannounced.
I'll have to hear once again how he got clean "for us". No........not for himself, but for us. WRONG ANSWER!! Some folks would delight in the fact their addict cleaned up because they loved them sooooooo much, but that's not the answer!! That's not going to work. I've learned enough to know that an addict HAS GOT to get clean for themselves........because they're sick of living that life and not for any other reason. My exabf hasn't gotten clean for himself, but for me!!
He says "I did what you asked me to do!" I didn't ask him to get clean!! I asked him to get lost!! I don't even hear the similarities between the two!!
Thing is........he assumed if he got clean he could have his life back. He assumed he could just pick up where everything got left off before the crack cocaine. Wrong again. I chose to forgive him, but I can't forget the hell this man put me through. There's no way I could have enjoyed a peaceful existence with everything that's happened.
My exabf has an obsession with me. He takes this obsession way beyond the norm.....not that obsession is normal to begin with. This has nothing to do with drugs. This is something inside of himself.
I used to blame everything on the dope, but he's not on the dope. How do I know?? Because when he was on the dope he never paid me any mind! He left me alone. He was more into getting high than messing with me. That's how I know he's clean. I can't blame this on the drugs this time and that's scary!!
It's so easy to use the drug use as an excuse for everything they do. What happens when you can't blame it on the drugs?? Now you have another issue entirely! This is what I'm dealing with now. I shouldn't have to. This was over a very long time ago.
I've called the police AGAIN. I'll be filing another restraining order Monday AGAIN. I hate this crap. I think because he paid me back the money he owed me he's in the clear with me. He just doesn't get it and that's very sad.
I just want to get the message across that if the person you're with hits you, it may not have anything to do with the drugs. They might just be abusive. If you get cheated on, it may not have anything to do with the drugs. They might just be a cheat. You get what I'm saying.
My exabf has apparently had this issue in the past with other women.......only not to this extent. Pretty scary stuff. Those members who have been here a while know what this man is capable of. I'm taking every precaution I can I promise.
And if you could. Please maybe say a little prayer for me. I have this sinking feeling I'll be seeing him soon and I'm a bit freaked out by the whole thing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Sending my prayers to Loves. Along with a skillet to hit him over the head if he does try to have contact with you. I remember reading the past episodes with this person. Please be on guard and take care of yourself. Sooner or later he has to realize this is OVER!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Sending my prayers for you too. I know that it may very well be his insecurity rather than his addiction that has made him do the things that he has done to you. And that again is not your problem. Hugs, Marle
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
One would think by now he would have gotten it. He hasn't and asks me "Why are you doing this to me?" I just can't believe after all this time he's still at it!! It's so frustrating!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I think you are right to not answer the phone and to get an order against him.
The trick is to be consistent and to call 911 the moment you know he is anywhere near your place.
It serves no purpose to talk to people like him. He's never listened to you, right?
So just don't take his calls, sooner or later he'll tire of calling and have your protection order in place.
Stalking is a crime, Loves, if he does anything that falls into stalking, charge him.
Hugs and prayers for your safety
The trick is to be consistent and to call 911 the moment you know he is anywhere near your place.
It serves no purpose to talk to people like him. He's never listened to you, right?
So just don't take his calls, sooner or later he'll tire of calling and have your protection order in place.
Stalking is a crime, Loves, if he does anything that falls into stalking, charge him.
Hugs and prayers for your safety
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Restraining order.
And block his number.
(you can't control whether he tries to find you or not. you can only control that blinking light. so do.)
Why do you think this has happened now?
And block his number.
(you can't control whether he tries to find you or not. you can only control that blinking light. so do.)
Why do you think this has happened now?
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
((((Kris))))) Sending up prayers for you ~ stay safe.
You know, at some point we have to look at our A's objectively, and lots of times we have to conclude that, with or without their DOC, they just plain have loads of problems. And some A's are not nice people, whether they're using or not.
We get sucked into believing that the addiction is the problem, but sometimes it's just a symptom of another problem, like mental illness or a personality disorder. My XAH was raised in a family that made Jerry Springer's guests look like Ward and June Cleaver. Using, drinking, or not, the guy has so much baggage from his childhood he can't function within normal boundaries. Add drugs and alcohol, and you have the definition of chaos.
Do what ever it takes to break away. I'll be thinking of you.
You know, at some point we have to look at our A's objectively, and lots of times we have to conclude that, with or without their DOC, they just plain have loads of problems. And some A's are not nice people, whether they're using or not.
We get sucked into believing that the addiction is the problem, but sometimes it's just a symptom of another problem, like mental illness or a personality disorder. My XAH was raised in a family that made Jerry Springer's guests look like Ward and June Cleaver. Using, drinking, or not, the guy has so much baggage from his childhood he can't function within normal boundaries. Add drugs and alcohol, and you have the definition of chaos.
Do what ever it takes to break away. I'll be thinking of you.
Or However You Spell It....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
Why do you think this has happened now?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
My XAH was raised in a family that made Jerry Springer's guests look like Ward and June Cleaver. Using, drinking, or not, the guy has so much baggage from his childhood he can't function within normal boundaries. Add drugs and alcohol, and you have the definition of chaos.
Loves, myabe its strated now because its part of his cycle, where it starts and stops and dies off and starts again, kinda like the use goes up and down. My AH called non stop for 2 days and now suddenly nothing, no matter how short or long its part of the pattern taht goes up and down
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
call the law if he shows up & do not answer the door. i know how scared of him u are. saying prayers for you. i am sorry this is happening to you again.you need to tell your children not to give ANY kind of information out about you. it is dangerous. i am surprised they did.hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Kris,
Sending you tons of prayers. Please stay safe, if you need anything call me or send me a pm. Call the police the first time you think you are in danger. Keep your cell phone with you at all times.
Hugs coming your way
Sending you tons of prayers. Please stay safe, if you need anything call me or send me a pm. Call the police the first time you think you are in danger. Keep your cell phone with you at all times.
Hugs coming your way
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((Loves))))))
Sending you prayers.
Ya know ya can't even be cordial to people like him, right?
I was married to someone like your exabf once.
When we first moved back home and my son went to live with him and
I would go out and visit my son, I'd say hi, how ya doin'. That sorta thing.
Next thing ya know, he's callin' just to say stupid sh*t.
Then it got to the, "you know I still love you?" bit.
Geesh! I finally had to stop chatting him up for fear he was taking everything I said
wrong. That we still had some sort of "relationship" because our son lived out there in B.F.E. with him.
My advice, sweetie? Nip this in the bud, now.
No contact. No drama. No chaos.
Just recovery.
Love to you,
Sending you prayers.
Ya know ya can't even be cordial to people like him, right?
I was married to someone like your exabf once.
When we first moved back home and my son went to live with him and
I would go out and visit my son, I'd say hi, how ya doin'. That sorta thing.
Next thing ya know, he's callin' just to say stupid sh*t.
Then it got to the, "you know I still love you?" bit.
Geesh! I finally had to stop chatting him up for fear he was taking everything I said
wrong. That we still had some sort of "relationship" because our son lived out there in B.F.E. with him.
My advice, sweetie? Nip this in the bud, now.
No contact. No drama. No chaos.
Just recovery.
Love to you,
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Sending you hugs and support and prayers!!!! I think the holidays are a definite trigger for lots of folks. Protect yourself at all costs. He isn't a rational man, this we know. Love you, sis!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
I was thinking of you later in the day, Kris, when my XAH brought the kids home from their visit. After all the s#$% he put me through, the names he called me, things he accused me of, yadda yadda yadda, he sends me a big freaking pointsettia. After he complained I spent too much $ on my guinea pigs when we were together(the $15 a week was eating into the party money ~ that and the $10 I put in Christmas Club for the kids!), he sat outside my house with my daughter looking in at the guinea pigs yesterday (they are near a window) telling my daughter how great it was to see them and how much he missed them and didn't understand why I wouldn't let him in to see "our animals."
The mood and the emotions change with the wind. To him, I'm either the Axis of Evil or the Wonderful Woman I'll Always Love. And thats him whether or not he's drinking or drugging. I kind of think he uses in order to achieve the only mental "stability" he knows ~ numbness. While I'll always feel bad he couldn't rise above his background,
it's his problem, not mine. I'm having as little contact as possible. I've done my time at the circus.
Hope you're having a little peace today. You deserve it.
The mood and the emotions change with the wind. To him, I'm either the Axis of Evil or the Wonderful Woman I'll Always Love. And thats him whether or not he's drinking or drugging. I kind of think he uses in order to achieve the only mental "stability" he knows ~ numbness. While I'll always feel bad he couldn't rise above his background,
it's his problem, not mine. I'm having as little contact as possible. I've done my time at the circus.
Hope you're having a little peace today. You deserve it.
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