Drug Use and Cheating
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Holy Cow. I looked at that site and I have to ask why the heck they pick their face apart like that. It's disgusting. It looks like someone took an ice pick to their faces. According to my son, they get so hyped up they become obsessed with picking at their faces.
It destroys looks alright.
Thanks for that link. I think I will save it.
It destroys looks alright.
Thanks for that link. I think I will save it.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Meth puts holes in your brain, It makes you do a lot of weird disgusting things.
That's why they call it the 'devils drug'.
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/faq_meth.htm
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/links.htm
That's why they call it the 'devils drug'.
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/faq_meth.htm
http://www.kci.org/meth_info/links.htm
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 170
GiveLove, you know, you are absolutely right. I do deserve someone so much better than him and that's for sure. I do know that. I don't know why I always think he can change when I know that he can't.
I try so hard to tell him I am not interested, but he just wears me down and then I start thinking I can change him when I know it is impossible. No, he is definitely not the man I've dreamed of that's for sure.
I wish I could just run away from all of this, but I own a business and so I'm not going anywhere. I don't know how I got this far with him anyway. I should have ended it a long time ago.
I've been going to Al-anon meetings hoping that someone can help me. I'm sorry to say those people don't talk. They are expressionless. How is that helping me? So far, you are the only one that has plainly put it in front of me and said something. Thank you. I know I've go to end this mess.
I try so hard to tell him I am not interested, but he just wears me down and then I start thinking I can change him when I know it is impossible. No, he is definitely not the man I've dreamed of that's for sure.
I wish I could just run away from all of this, but I own a business and so I'm not going anywhere. I don't know how I got this far with him anyway. I should have ended it a long time ago.
I've been going to Al-anon meetings hoping that someone can help me. I'm sorry to say those people don't talk. They are expressionless. How is that helping me? So far, you are the only one that has plainly put it in front of me and said something. Thank you. I know I've go to end this mess.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Karma,
(GL lets out a big breath)
Thank heavens. I was worried I'd offended you
How is he able to wear you down? Do you have to see him...or take his calls....or by email, or what?
If this were a pervert or a stalker or someone who was after your little sister, I think you might find a way to slam the door on him. Have you told him not to? Have you blocked his number? Threatened a restraining order if he didn't? What would you do if he wouldn't leave someone you loved alone, someone naturally kind and gentle? Wouldn't you get mad enough to start waxing your Louisville Slugger?
NOW I've offended you, I'm sure
kidding....but really, I pray that some day you find that self-protective spark inside you that says, "You know what? I'm done." And I hope that day comes before he does even more serious damage to your life and happiness. Already, the things that he has acclimated you to (drugs, prostitution, alcoholism, danger) are incredibly scary. You're like that frog in the boiling water, and I just want to grab you out of there and put you back in the lush green pond, even if I burn my hand doing it.
Hugs,
GL
(GL lets out a big breath)
Thank heavens. I was worried I'd offended you
How is he able to wear you down? Do you have to see him...or take his calls....or by email, or what?
If this were a pervert or a stalker or someone who was after your little sister, I think you might find a way to slam the door on him. Have you told him not to? Have you blocked his number? Threatened a restraining order if he didn't? What would you do if he wouldn't leave someone you loved alone, someone naturally kind and gentle? Wouldn't you get mad enough to start waxing your Louisville Slugger?
NOW I've offended you, I'm sure
kidding....but really, I pray that some day you find that self-protective spark inside you that says, "You know what? I'm done." And I hope that day comes before he does even more serious damage to your life and happiness. Already, the things that he has acclimated you to (drugs, prostitution, alcoholism, danger) are incredibly scary. You're like that frog in the boiling water, and I just want to grab you out of there and put you back in the lush green pond, even if I burn my hand doing it.Hugs,
GL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: in the south
Posts: 219
karma,
maybe you can't run but by golly I'd put some obstacles in his path. I'd depend on my caller ID. I would not read his emails. I certainly wouldn't let him in my home. And I'd worry about my own personal reputation being linked with him.
You cannot reason with and irrational person nor can you assume he can even follow a logical train of thought. Why would you want to associate with him?
Better yet, get a piece of paper and list all of the positives this relationship offers you........short list, huh?
Don't want to offend you but you seem like a young woman who deserves better than to sit there and think you can change a person who really doesn't (by his own admission) see any need to change. I learned a lesson myself.........old habits die hard and take casualties along the way.
Don't be a casuality..............dixie
maybe you can't run but by golly I'd put some obstacles in his path. I'd depend on my caller ID. I would not read his emails. I certainly wouldn't let him in my home. And I'd worry about my own personal reputation being linked with him.
You cannot reason with and irrational person nor can you assume he can even follow a logical train of thought. Why would you want to associate with him?
Better yet, get a piece of paper and list all of the positives this relationship offers you........short list, huh?
Don't want to offend you but you seem like a young woman who deserves better than to sit there and think you can change a person who really doesn't (by his own admission) see any need to change. I learned a lesson myself.........old habits die hard and take casualties along the way.
Don't be a casuality..............dixie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kalamazoo, MI
Posts: 69
GoodKarma,
Yeah - what GivesLove says! I'm so glad you are going to al-anon meetings. I've tried a few groups. A few of them just weren't for me, then I found a good one that i can click with. Maybe you could try a different group?
The fact that you are asking yourself these questions shows that you are taking steps to put your life in the direction that respects you. Keep asking those questions! You'll find the answers within yourself when you are ready.
Cheating among addicts may be common, but that doesn't make it OK or something you should tolerate! If an addict gets high and shoots someone, they are still responsible for shooting. They may not have done it if they weren't high, but they still did it. The cheating may go along with his drug use, but he's still responsible for his actions.
When my abf was in rehab they talked a lot about using high-risk behavior as an escape. For these people drug use, cheating, driving too fast, etc...seem to all go together. That goes along with the kinky stuff, too. It's not going to change. If you aren't ready to tell him "no", I hope you at least insist on protection when you are together.
Just keep asking yourself those good questions!
HUGS,
Molly
Yeah - what GivesLove says! I'm so glad you are going to al-anon meetings. I've tried a few groups. A few of them just weren't for me, then I found a good one that i can click with. Maybe you could try a different group?
The fact that you are asking yourself these questions shows that you are taking steps to put your life in the direction that respects you. Keep asking those questions! You'll find the answers within yourself when you are ready.
Cheating among addicts may be common, but that doesn't make it OK or something you should tolerate! If an addict gets high and shoots someone, they are still responsible for shooting. They may not have done it if they weren't high, but they still did it. The cheating may go along with his drug use, but he's still responsible for his actions.
When my abf was in rehab they talked a lot about using high-risk behavior as an escape. For these people drug use, cheating, driving too fast, etc...seem to all go together. That goes along with the kinky stuff, too. It's not going to change. If you aren't ready to tell him "no", I hope you at least insist on protection when you are together.
Just keep asking yourself those good questions!
HUGS,
Molly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 170
Molly, thank you for that very nice message. I understand what you and Givelove and Dixied are all saying. I am just trying to sort all these things out to make sure I'm making the right decision before I do anything drastic.
I talked to him last nite and he said he spent 7-1/2 months in rehab, he has a good job, money in the bank, a good place to live and he is not going to mess any of this up. He said that drugs never made him hyper-sexual. He said it does for some people, but it never did for him. He said he never did meth but knew a lot of people that did. He said he did cocaine and crack.
I know he takes care of his mother's house when she goes out of town sometimes and she has a beautiful home with lots of expensive antiques and he has never stolen anything from her. I am just wondering if he could have changed even though I was told only 1% of addicts change for the better. He said he was being funny about what he said about drugwh****. That they swarm to him because he thought I was joking.
So what I'm saying is that they told me in Al-anon not to believe anything he says, but I do know that most of the things he tells me are true and the other things I can't prove are lies. He believes everything I tell him and never questions me. He trusts me completely. I just wish I could do the same.
He has never been physically or verbally abusive to me, so I don't see a need in calling the police or having a restraining order placed on him at this point or I would if I felt in danger.
I'm posting on this board because I want to get all the information I can to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
I talked to him last nite and he said he spent 7-1/2 months in rehab, he has a good job, money in the bank, a good place to live and he is not going to mess any of this up. He said that drugs never made him hyper-sexual. He said it does for some people, but it never did for him. He said he never did meth but knew a lot of people that did. He said he did cocaine and crack.
I know he takes care of his mother's house when she goes out of town sometimes and she has a beautiful home with lots of expensive antiques and he has never stolen anything from her. I am just wondering if he could have changed even though I was told only 1% of addicts change for the better. He said he was being funny about what he said about drugwh****. That they swarm to him because he thought I was joking.
So what I'm saying is that they told me in Al-anon not to believe anything he says, but I do know that most of the things he tells me are true and the other things I can't prove are lies. He believes everything I tell him and never questions me. He trusts me completely. I just wish I could do the same.
He has never been physically or verbally abusive to me, so I don't see a need in calling the police or having a restraining order placed on him at this point or I would if I felt in danger.
I'm posting on this board because I want to get all the information I can to make sure I'm doing the right thing.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Your BF sounds like my XABF. My XABF "did" cocaine (free based it). He replaced it with Pot but I did nto know it. Claimed he was clean. Seems he learned where the line was with his family and did not steal from them or from me....
He used to say things that cut like a knife and then say "I was joking"
When an addict says he thinks you are joking or says he is joking that is just a huge red flag.
I too was trusted because he somehow knew I was 100% honest. However, there was something I could not quite put a finger on that made me always question what he said.. and enough of it was true to make me a believer.
After he left I got together with one of his ex co workers regarding something else (business related) and he and I compared notes. The extent of the lies he told us BOTH was simply not to be fathomed.
If you do not trust someone it is your GUT talking. TRUST YOUR GUT.
And, BTW, why would ANYONE want a relastionship with someone who they don't trust? (Just a question and not meant to be mean.. I had a relationship with someone I ultimately did not trust and my gut was right. I now ask myself this same question!).
Get information. Within knowledge lies Power.
He used to say things that cut like a knife and then say "I was joking"
When an addict says he thinks you are joking or says he is joking that is just a huge red flag.
I too was trusted because he somehow knew I was 100% honest. However, there was something I could not quite put a finger on that made me always question what he said.. and enough of it was true to make me a believer.
After he left I got together with one of his ex co workers regarding something else (business related) and he and I compared notes. The extent of the lies he told us BOTH was simply not to be fathomed.
If you do not trust someone it is your GUT talking. TRUST YOUR GUT.
And, BTW, why would ANYONE want a relastionship with someone who they don't trust? (Just a question and not meant to be mean.. I had a relationship with someone I ultimately did not trust and my gut was right. I now ask myself this same question!).
Get information. Within knowledge lies Power.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 1
recovering from cheating
How do you get past the betrayals.
I'm not saying the level of dysfunction shouldn't have been transparent. Or absolutely was in retrospect, but after getting out of the relationship, there is so much baggage. All of the time, energy and expense on all fronts.
Then you get to the tip of the real events-- lies and cheating and trashing the non user. (Me)
I mentally understand that it isn't personal-- but, it feels very personal. At times the pure loss is overwhelming. To be in a situation for years that has no redemption (or actual apology)
I find myself seeking said apology ... and realize it parallels the behavior of a drug addict seeking the feeling of the first high. The exchange is both empty and infuriating.
I'm tired of living angry
I'm not saying the level of dysfunction shouldn't have been transparent. Or absolutely was in retrospect, but after getting out of the relationship, there is so much baggage. All of the time, energy and expense on all fronts.
Then you get to the tip of the real events-- lies and cheating and trashing the non user. (Me)
I mentally understand that it isn't personal-- but, it feels very personal. At times the pure loss is overwhelming. To be in a situation for years that has no redemption (or actual apology)
I find myself seeking said apology ... and realize it parallels the behavior of a drug addict seeking the feeling of the first high. The exchange is both empty and infuriating.
I'm tired of living angry
Originally Posted by GiveLove 
GoodKarma,
Why are you telling him anything?
I'm so sorry. You can't change him, and you can't control his choices, and you can't make him have values like yours.
You can only decide if you want to spend your life with someone like him or not (doing drugs, hanging out with whores and dealers and alcoholics, "losing" cars, going to jail, making excuses, lying, exposing himself to HIV, etc.) It really is that simple. You keep trying to change him, make him "see the light" ......Is that the best you are willing to give yourself? This is the life you envisioned when you were a little girl? This is your dream man?
Sorry, I don't mean that like it sounds. I didn't start feeling sane & healthy again until I asked myself that.....my alcoholic, drug addict, unfaithful, lying, abusive X...."this is my dream guy, huh?" Finally I stopped trying to make my X into the person I wanted him to be. Think about cutting these lovely little chats with him short, letting him take the consequences of his choices, and focusing on what you want YOUR life to be like instead....just my two cents. You deserve a lot better than that dreadful stuff....
Hugs,
GL
Why are you telling him anything?
I'm so sorry. You can't change him, and you can't control his choices, and you can't make him have values like yours.
You can only decide if you want to spend your life with someone like him or not (doing drugs, hanging out with whores and dealers and alcoholics, "losing" cars, going to jail, making excuses, lying, exposing himself to HIV, etc.) It really is that simple. You keep trying to change him, make him "see the light" ......Is that the best you are willing to give yourself? This is the life you envisioned when you were a little girl? This is your dream man?
Sorry, I don't mean that like it sounds. I didn't start feeling sane & healthy again until I asked myself that.....my alcoholic, drug addict, unfaithful, lying, abusive X...."this is my dream guy, huh?" Finally I stopped trying to make my X into the person I wanted him to be. Think about cutting these lovely little chats with him short, letting him take the consequences of his choices, and focusing on what you want YOUR life to be like instead....just my two cents. You deserve a lot better than that dreadful stuff....
Hugs,
GL
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Behrm, welcome to SoberRecovery. I'm sorry but you have posted on a thread from 2007 and it is unlikely you will get a response from people who posted here then as many of them are gone.
Maybe start a new thread to introduce yourself and we can all welcome you there. You will find many who understand your pain and can help you find your peace.
Hugs
Maybe start a new thread to introduce yourself and we can all welcome you there. You will find many who understand your pain and can help you find your peace.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Sweetie: I've never experienced this personally, but have heard about it. Some people prostitute themselves to get drugs. That's what I think of when I think of 'drug whores'. In other words, they give sex in exchange for drugs.
Now mind you: it may not be good, fulfilling sex for them; perhaps for the other person. Because the reality is you are right, being under the influence often decreases their ability to really feel enough sensation to have good sex-such as with opiates, alcohol, downers. Nor do they necessarily WISH to have sex; save for getting drugs. Depending on the type of drug, take away the drug and person's libido often increases.
But even with certain drugs that can increase a person's libido temporarily they eventually crash and burn....
Now mind you: it may not be good, fulfilling sex for them; perhaps for the other person. Because the reality is you are right, being under the influence often decreases their ability to really feel enough sensation to have good sex-such as with opiates, alcohol, downers. Nor do they necessarily WISH to have sex; save for getting drugs. Depending on the type of drug, take away the drug and person's libido often increases.
But even with certain drugs that can increase a person's libido temporarily they eventually crash and burn....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Each time I hear the "W" word here, I think of all the wonderful women I know, here at SR and in real life, who overcame addiction and who are trying to overcome their past and live decent productive lives today...and I cringe.
Maybe let's keep the labels off and just stick to topic?
Maybe let's keep the labels off and just stick to topic?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Is this person still in a relationship with you or in the past and you are still trying to heal from it? You may already shared that and I didn't notice...
Anyhow: His sexual behavior has no bearing whatsoever on your worth! I hope you know that and if you don't know that yet, someday you will believe it. It says absolutely nothing about you. I says a lot about him.
Many folks (for some reason) not just, men, but some women too....seem to think that way to prove their worth is by sexual conquest. For some, they have found the "avenue" of drugs to aid them in that endeavor. You said he had like 20 girlfriends at a time? Well, honey, more power to him and I would never want to be one of that "20", ever! So, if you are out of the relationship, thank your lucky stars and get tested if you haven't already. If you are still in a relationship with him, get out.
Having said, all that, there are some people who are just sex addicts with or without drugs/alcohol being involved. They just can't seem to get enough. Miserable. Disastrous. Devastating. I'm so sorry for your hurt.
Anyhow: His sexual behavior has no bearing whatsoever on your worth! I hope you know that and if you don't know that yet, someday you will believe it. It says absolutely nothing about you. I says a lot about him.
Many folks (for some reason) not just, men, but some women too....seem to think that way to prove their worth is by sexual conquest. For some, they have found the "avenue" of drugs to aid them in that endeavor. You said he had like 20 girlfriends at a time? Well, honey, more power to him and I would never want to be one of that "20", ever! So, if you are out of the relationship, thank your lucky stars and get tested if you haven't already. If you are still in a relationship with him, get out.
Having said, all that, there are some people who are just sex addicts with or without drugs/alcohol being involved. They just can't seem to get enough. Miserable. Disastrous. Devastating. I'm so sorry for your hurt.
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