What Addicts DON'T Do
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
What Addicts DON'T Do
We have a sticky that's titled "What Addicts Do"
Maybe it should be titled "What Addicts DON'T Do?" The answer is simple:
They don't take responsibility, They don't deal with the small or large stuff, They avoid obligations and they Don't plan.
Now that my 23 yr old son is home & seems to be off drugs, this behav is obvious. He left at 18 and now returns 5 yrs later with the same behav he had at 15. It is sad to witness.
I can see where resentments can build as I am pushing him ea day just to get up at a reasonable hours and make a list of things he must do. I am starting to
micro-managing his life so I know we have a problem. Today I will turn it back over to him, if he doesn't step up than some changes will need to be made.
SLEEPING AND HANGING OUT IS NOT A LIFESTYLE I CAN ENDORSE. Even with depression in the mix, he needs to take responsibilty and show some signs of maturity. I don't know what it will take but I know I am walking a fine line here because helping him is feeling more and more like enabling and I have to be aware of the difference. I can't do this for him and he seems incapable of much on his own.
While he is pleasant mannered and a "nice son" what steps must I take now?
Maybe it should be titled "What Addicts DON'T Do?" The answer is simple:
They don't take responsibility, They don't deal with the small or large stuff, They avoid obligations and they Don't plan.
Now that my 23 yr old son is home & seems to be off drugs, this behav is obvious. He left at 18 and now returns 5 yrs later with the same behav he had at 15. It is sad to witness.
I can see where resentments can build as I am pushing him ea day just to get up at a reasonable hours and make a list of things he must do. I am starting to
micro-managing his life so I know we have a problem. Today I will turn it back over to him, if he doesn't step up than some changes will need to be made.
SLEEPING AND HANGING OUT IS NOT A LIFESTYLE I CAN ENDORSE. Even with depression in the mix, he needs to take responsibilty and show some signs of maturity. I don't know what it will take but I know I am walking a fine line here because helping him is feeling more and more like enabling and I have to be aware of the difference. I can't do this for him and he seems incapable of much on his own.
While he is pleasant mannered and a "nice son" what steps must I take now?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
I remember reading somewhere that an addicts brain is kinda stuck at the maturity of the age they began using. (Not that this is always true, but my AH began using around 16 or 17. He is 40 now, I'm 39. He still reasons like a teenager.) Maybe just try to have patience and make a list of your expectations in return for him living there. I'm thinking like maybe re-teaching him some things addiction may have taken away or have been forgotten... comparing to kinda like your teaching your teenager to drive.. may be helpful since he may still be stuck in the teenager way of thinking. Theres still hope for him. It's been reported recently that the frontal lobes on the brain (which control maturity) don't fully develop in some kids until they're 25. Set boundaries to protect your sanity.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
My son went in the Navy rather than repeat his Junior year of high school. He had taken the exam for the service and passed so high that all of the services wanted him to join.
He decided on the Navy and spent four years....most all of it overseas. He came home and acted like a 17 going on 18 year old again. He learned to drink in the Navy and also learned how to party all night. He was into the routine of being out all night and then sleeping all day.
This went on for about six months until we just couldn't keep letting it go on.
His Dad told him he had to find a place to live and get a job. He went out that day and found a place to live and got a job just down the block from us at a Quick Stop.
But he did continue on with his ways and eventually tried suicide after getting help because he would rather drink than take medication. He is a quadraplegic and has very few choices he can make on his own now.
If the young people of today only knew what the future will bring them if they continue using and drinking maybe they wouldn't escape into an unknown world of drugs and alcohol.
kelsh one.
He decided on the Navy and spent four years....most all of it overseas. He came home and acted like a 17 going on 18 year old again. He learned to drink in the Navy and also learned how to party all night. He was into the routine of being out all night and then sleeping all day.
This went on for about six months until we just couldn't keep letting it go on.
His Dad told him he had to find a place to live and get a job. He went out that day and found a place to live and got a job just down the block from us at a Quick Stop.
But he did continue on with his ways and eventually tried suicide after getting help because he would rather drink than take medication. He is a quadraplegic and has very few choices he can make on his own now.
If the young people of today only knew what the future will bring them if they continue using and drinking maybe they wouldn't escape into an unknown world of drugs and alcohol.
kelsh one.
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Loving someone with addiction and/or mental health issues is a challenge
for all of us. Peace comes from accepting what is.
We all want to be accepted for who we are. Yet, I want my son to be different.
I want him to live his life differently, to think differently.
I think I am in relapse. Intellectually I know I have to turn this over.
It is back to the 1st 3 steps for me.
for all of us. Peace comes from accepting what is.
We all want to be accepted for who we are. Yet, I want my son to be different.
I want him to live his life differently, to think differently.
I think I am in relapse. Intellectually I know I have to turn this over.
It is back to the 1st 3 steps for me.
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Now that my son is back in the home I find I am constantly taking his inventory.
I know that I have PLENTY in my own life to clean up if I can just keep the focus where I have some control, on myself.
I know that I have PLENTY in my own life to clean up if I can just keep the focus where I have some control, on myself.
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