sjr

i finally got the call tonight. the one when the police calls you and ask "do you know where your child is?" i said i did not. then i proceeded to be lectured by a police officer that didn't even know me! anyhow, i was told to come pick her up.

to make a long story a little shorter i will skip to the mid-end. no charges were filed although the officers... 3 of them...all wanted to. she would of been charged with trespassing. she was shacked up at a girls house and the parents who rented the girls apt. for her came over to find her there without there daughter.....skipping some now.....the end of this event came....my daughter thinking things are quite funny because she wasn't going to jail, decided to show her butt, call me names, and say she wasn't coming home with me. i asked her several times to please just get into the car...almost to the point of begging...and she kept saying no...she wasn't coming with me.

well....she was screaming at me, so the policeofficers (which btw have now apologized to me for the way he talked to me) came over. she told them she wasn't going with me. they told her if she didn't they would call social services...well miss grown said "do it".

they did. i spent the night taking involuntary commital papers out on her. i was told she would go to the crisis center for a minimal of 72 hours. they took her to the hospital. she tested positive for marijuana, cocaine, and benzos.

now here's the good part...

the doc reversed her commital papers saying "it's not a psych issue" we can't hold her. now, my understanding was she had to prove to be a danger to herself....i'm sorry, i thought being sixteen, doing drugs, not going to school, running away from home and god knows what else IS BEING A DANGER TO YOURSELF!!!!!! everyone else agreed with me...hell even the doc...all he kept saying was it's the system, it's the system.

so, now we're home. the only good thing right now (for me anyhow), she is so high she doesn't want to fight with me anymore. she is sleeping. God only knows if she will be here when i get up in the morning.

of course i got all the "after care" places i "should" call. been there, done that, got a t-shirt. none in-patient, nothing court mandated, nothing, nothing, nothing!!!! Now all the progress i made tonight, was getting yet another hospital bill to pay...and another sleepless night. gotta go lock up my meds and my bedroom door now.

thanks for reading this, i hope it isn't to long. i needed to vent!

one more question...this was a suggestion to me...i don't know how i feel about it...it came from my co-worker who is in recovery....she said tell the police she threatened to kill her self, or threatened to harm me...then they would have to commit her...it would be lying...i don't know if i can do it. has anyone else done that?
i don't lie very well to start with, unfortunately not one of my strong points! i just don't know what to do right now. i thought tonight was going to be a beginning of something...it wasn't........thank you......s

Done_With_It

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I would say do what feels right to you.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer except to do what you think is right.
Others will be around w/more opinions, just dropping off some hugs.

misslisa

Your the mother!, you do what you think needs to be done, she is still a minor and definately needs a big wake up call

Ann

I know your frustration, and because your daughter is a minor, I think I would contact the police and see if they can help in any way. They did with my son once, when the officer offered to be a witness that my son was a danger to himself and others and got him committed for 72 hours. The thing was, after 72 hours he was free to do whatever he wanted.

I think I would also talk to Social Services where you live and see what they might suggest.

Normally, I would say let go and let God, but because of her young age I would try everything I could to get her to a place where she could not use, even if that place is jail.

Just know that this may not work, and you may have to decide if you can handle her living at home. Sometimes we just have to let them go, because they will continue to use and make our homes unsafe.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Addiction is one nasty demon and bigger than even a mother's love.

Hugs

Easeful

I'm sorry you had such a bad time. How discouraging to have gotten her help and then have it withdrawn.

I was fortunate that my son was more or less cooperative during his teen years. Still it was enormously frustrating to have all of the responsibility (I've been lectured by police and shool admins as well) and none of the control.

The good news is, this too shall pass. She will turn 18 and you will have learned early how to detach with love. Hugs.

Elana

Muy ex husband would go into the hospital with severe alcoholism stating he wanted to committ suicide. It was how he got treatment. The hospital would keep him in patient for 3 weeks max and then shipped him off to rehab. He did that until the insurance ran out.

Last time he did the suicide thing it backfired and they had enough on him to involuntary committ him to the State institution where he finally did die 8 months later. Supposedly from a heart attack but it is just as likely it was suicide.

Have you looked into a "PINS" program? Your daughter is 16 and shoud still be eligible. PINS is where she ends up in a different family situation and it is court ordered. PINS is short for "People In Need of Supervision."

I think you have accepted that your daughter is 100% out of control and you also are not able to impose any control. For your own good you may want to go to family court and relinquish parental rights due to her age. This puts her in the system and takes the responsibility (financial) off of you. Remember, if she is young and commits a crime or damages things, you can become financially responsible for reparations.

hope213

i would call social services. also if they will not help now when she is picked up by police again do not go get her & the cops will call s.s. prayers for you both.i know u are hurting & this is alot on you.hugs,

inflamleft

You would not necessarily be lying because you even said in the beginning that she was a danger to herself - drugs and anything else -
I would do what I could and what I had to do to get the help she needs.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Prayers!

sjr

thank you for all your kind words. she is here this morning, but she won't go to school. she said if I hadn't kept HER up all night then she wouldn't be so tired this morning and could go!! social services was contacted by the police last night. they didn't even come out. they just talked to the social worker in the er. however, i was told i would be getting a call from them, not to be intimidated!! they were just doing a follow up!

i did say she was a danger to herself when i signed the commital papers. the magistrate agreed and filed the paper work. so i don't know what else to do. i dealt with police department, magistrate, hospital, and ss last night...I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE THERE IS!!!! nobody does, everybody wants to blame it on the system....i just at a lose right now, i haven't slept, even though she is sleeping quite soundly in the bed in the home i provide for her. i have already been called a b***** twice the morning and told to F off.

why do i have to take this????? if she wasn't my daughter, i could walk away, but i can't...i have to fight...i just don't know how much strength i have left

BigSis

The words coming out of her mouth are the addiction talking... my beautiful, sweet, loving little girl called me the most vicious names. My girl raged and punched holes in the walls and doors and when I came in here, folks told me that I shouldn't tolerate that behavior.

I was offended.


They were... right.



Our social system stop taking kids at age 17 - they say they are too close to the legal age of 18 to be able to do any good. My daughter was 17 and had been using meth since age 12 (without me figuring it out...sigh) and now that I had finally "GOT" the message.... it was too late.

You know what I did? I called a treatment center (I will send you the link by PM). The ladies manning those phones are all moms of and spouses of addicts. Some are recovering addicts themselves. THEY KNOW how you feel.

The nice lady who talked to me that morning (after being up all night while my kid slept soundly in the next room); told me to trick her into going for an assessment.



Or maybe she didn't say that.... but that is what I heard. My kid was coming down. She didn't like herself, let alone anyone else. And all she wanted to do was sleep... so I went in and asked her if she would go with me to the center for a quick assessment. We would stay at a hotel with a pool the night before and she could sleep the rest of the day if she said yes.

To get me off her back, she told me "yes"... smile.

So off we went! It was a 5 hour drive to the rehab center... but we hit a blizzard on the pass and ended up being in that car for ELEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT. My daughter just kept sleeping. I kept driving.... trying to find a pass that was open, and absolutely TERRIFIED if I let her out of the car, she would run.

We made it.... finally. We got the assessment, and tho that wasn't the 'magic bullet' - it WAS the beginning of her time of recovery.... of learning about addiction, about herself and about her denial and delusion.

And the beginning of MY trip along the same road... learning many of the same things.


Today, my daughter is sober. She has been for over two years. It was a terrible road - but one I am glad I was able to walk down with her.


Keep doing what feels right, like Done said. Pray about it - I often pray for guidance and I ask MY Higher Power (whom I call God) to speak "LOUD AND CLEAR" because this little human is a little dim and a little hard of hearing. My HP works through other people, so often after I pray - I pay attention to what is going on around me. And I am open to the idea that the solution may be something OUTSIDE of my understanding or MY plan of how things need to work out.

Alanon meetings get me through these times - the more the better. They gave me not only support, but often talked about what worked for them. I could see ME in those stories, and that was helpful.

Please know you are not alone.... (((Hugs))))

parentrecovers

sjr, when i saw the name of your thread, i cringed. i've gotten "the call" before. it is painful..

support and mom hugs to you. and prayers to you and your daughter.

k

cece

SJR
Remembered your thread and have been thinking of you, knowing the fear of not knowing
So... For the moment, even if its just for this morning you know where she is. (even though it might be a loud and hurtful knowing).
she is not the person that you hear yelling profanities so don't go up there with her.
since she is a minor I agree it is different.
I am so torn when it involves a minor. sometimes i think hands off is good for them too. I am not surprised she found a place to stay. In the beginning its an adventure for them and the people who will take them in, then it gets old for both people. Maybe thats when she'll want something different.
and then I think she is young. Do what you can to get help. for both of you. Keep making calls and bugging people till someone will take her. but its true she can leave after 72 hours. but you never know when a little sane light will flicker in their brain.
but no matter who it is minor or adult, i believe in giving it up to God.
PRAY!
for your sanity, and hers ,and for some insight as well as peace.

Praying for you and your daughter.
Cathy:praying

mooselips

(((sjr)))

A long time ago, when I first had an inkling of my oldests sons drug "problem" he was in trouble for vandalism. He was leaving our house in the middle of the night, and destroying others property.
He had to go to juvenile court, and we went with him of course, he was 15, and he told the judge that Mr. Moose was going to "kill" him when he got him home, and he didn't want to go home.

So, the judge said, no problem, we will send you to juvenile hall, you will stay there, then go to foster care, because we cannot have you going home with someone, if you think they will "kill" you.

Boy, did son ever change HIS tune fast! "Well, I didn't mean he would "KILL" me"

Anyhow, back on topic here, I don't know why, her being a minor, they DIDN'T charge her, and place her in juvenile?
There are places for her to go, keep looking.Hopefully the link Sis sends you can help!

Hugs,

P.S. Mr. Moose and I had to pay $200.00 for restoration of the property my son damaged. Sure felt like killing him...

caileesnana

I am glad she is safe, but she needs help. The sooner the better. There are many places for girls her age, with and without insurance. Let me know if I can point you in a direction. No parent should have to hurt this way or treated like we are. Someone here told me that my daughter was still in the body, just deep down. There were times I couldn't see that, she was so empty. Only hope, faith and prayer allowed me to believe she was still in there.
:praying
susan

mooselips

Make that $2000....

yuck ...addiction hurts us all...